FEMA TOO LATE TO SAVE NICK AND JESSICA’S MARRIAGE

[underpants]

http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1236&srch=

In the latest setback for a troubled government agency, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) acknowledged today that it had been too late to save the marriage of singers Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.

At a press conference in Washington, D.C., a red-faced R. David Paulison, the interim chief of FEMA, admitted that the agency had been “caught unawares” by the celebrities’ marital woes.


Those same critics allege that amid the turmoil in the agency in recent weeks, someone had allowed FEMA’s subscription to Us Weekly to lapse.

At the White House, President Bush expressed surprise that the marriage between the stars of MTV’s “Newlyweds” was coming to an end: “Who could have guessed that Nick and Jessica’s wedding vows would be breached?”

Elsewhere, Apple Computer today introduced the first Video IPod, expected to be popular among porn fans with excellent eyesight.

[philosophie_en_rose]

1. Fuck you Michael Brown!!

How will I ever live knowing that an overrated talentless hack and a complete moran are breaking up?

:cry:

:nopity:

[miss_kitty]

2. uh...

which is which?

:shrug:

[philosophie_en_rose]

3. Take your pick.

They're cut from the same cloth.