My turn to rant!

[redqueen]

:mad:

Fuck it ...

My mother in law is a greedy selfish asshole, her son isn't much better... and my sister is a fucking idiot republican psycho.

I'm broke as fuck... supporting my family by myself (with grudging help from my shrieking jerk mother in law -- which is only fitting since SHE raised her asshole son to be so fucking LAZY)... stressed to the breaking point nearly all the time...

I swear to Christ I don't know how long I can fucking take this shit.

:banghead:

:cry:

[Anarcho-Socialist]

1. I clicked on here expecting a rant!!!

:rant: :P

[redqueen]

9. heh... sorry!

I started typing about my mother in law and my older sister and my husband... then just figured it's so not worth the time. :(

[plcdude]

10. it helps

to vent.

[redqueen]

11. Yeah

problem is, I could fucking go on for FUCKING DAYS!

[plcdude]

12. do you want to make a

change in your circumstances?

[redqueen]

13. Do I?

I have for years...

[plcdude]

16. so what are the

barriers that keep you from achieving the changes you would like to make?

[redqueen]

20. Gulit.

Fear.

Shame.

[plcdude]

22. okay

Guilt about what?
Fear of what?
Shame there is no shame in being true to yourself.

[redqueen]

24. Guilt about breaking up the family... such as it is.

Fear of fucking up my kids' lives.

Shame ... for making the choices I have so far... it's like I put myself in a Catch 22... if I stay, things may change, however they haven't yet (and of course that's my fault)... If I leave, it may cause harm to my children.

[KitchenWitch]

2. Shame on you!

I live vicariously through other people's rants!

:rant:

[Debi]

3. I think you ranted last week, so it's someone elses turn this week

:hug:

I am kidding and I hope you're day gets better! :pals:

[WeRQ4U]

4. Que?

[XemaSab]

5. Another in a mounting pile

of crushing disappointments.

[Misunderestimator]

6. Yeah, well... I'm really annoyed right now... so there....

:hi:

[plcdude]

7. okay go for it

we can handle it.

[Xipe Totec]

8. If you rant, Amaranth too!

Hope you feel better soon! :9

http://www.specialfoods.com/amaranth.html

(sorry to hear about your troubles)

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

14. I'm so sorry.....

Been there, done that... got the fuck out. :hug:

[redqueen]

17. I'm working on that...

but CHRIST ALMIGHTY why do I burden myself with guilt over it?

:cry:

[GOPisEvil]

23. You need to allow yourself to have the life you want.

Wanting a good life for yourself, and for the long-term health of your kids is nothing to be guilty about.

[redqueen]

26. Thank you...

so much.

I just haven't yet convinced myself that the long-term health of my kids would best be served by separating them from their father most of the time. Nevertheless, I'm taking steps to get there. My kids' best interests won't be served with a mom who teaches them to ignore their own needs in favor of everyone else's.

Shit... I just realized that that may be a cause that so many women are so easily manipulated by ads.

Be nice! Be pretty! Be wholesome and pure!

:cry:

[merh]

31. Consider the pattern you are setting for your kids.

Because you stay in an unhappy relationship, you are impressing on them that is what they should do. They won't know that they are entitled to happiness because you don't have it or know it. They will believe that life and relationships are supposed to be sad or miserable or at best, barely tolerable.

Begin a new chapter, stop the curse now, for your sake and for your children. You are entitled to happiness and love and peace. :hug:

Prayers going out that you realize that the guilt is a part of the fear of the unknown and it is time you face the fear and claim what is your's, happiness and peace. :hug:

[redqueen]

34. Thanks...

I know I'm struggling with this partly because my mom stayed with my abusive father... and being raised catholic, I got a good dose of reflexive guilt and marraige for life indoctrination...

I know you're right... thank you again for the reinforcement and support.

[merh]

49. As a recovering catholic, I understand the guilt.

And Jesus was asked, "Lord, what is the most important commandment?" To which he replied " To love thy God with thy whole heart and thy whole soul. Second unto that is to they neighbor as thyself."

We cannot love our neighbors as we love ourselves if we do not love ourselves. We cannot love God with our whole heart and soul if we do not love ourselves. That to me is the blessed trinity - Love of self as a creature of God, love of self as unconditionally as God loves us, deserving of love, deserving of our own love and able to love others as completely as we love ourselves and our God and as God love us. Love for the sake of love. The unconditional love of God should be the love we practice. It cannot happen if we fail to love ourselves as creations of God, as children of God.

Peace & Love to you :hug:

[Pale Blue Dot]

32. The kids' interests aren't served by staying in a bad relationship

My ex and I put off our divorce for about five years in the "interests" of our son. All we did was postpone the inevitable.

Good luck, redqueen. You'll find yourself at the bottom of all of this, I promise. :thumbsup:

[redqueen]

36. Thanks...

I know... I think about it often... which is why despite the guilt and fear and shame, I'm working on getting a better job so I can get myself and my kids into a better environment.

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

30. I dunno.....

but, I will tell you that when you make the break... it will get worse before it gets better. But, it'll be SOOO much better and it's soo worth it. Hang in there; we're here for you. More :hug:

[redqueen]

39. Thank you so much.

:hug:

I know I'll need you all...

[GOPisEvil]

15. I can only offer empathy, and

a :hug:

I hope life gets better for you.

[Not_Giving_Up]

18. Are you married to my husband?

Damn! I need to download Yahoo IM. For now, I'm logging off. It just started pouring down rain, and it looks naty, might lose power.

[redqueen]

21. No, but I think they would get along GREAT!

[Debbi801]

19. I'm sorry. Sounds like the whole thing sucks!

:hug:

[El Fuego]

25. How hard will it be for you to break away from those who are

dragging you down? Do you have kids? Are there other complicating factors?

[redqueen]

28. Relatively hard

2 kids...

[caty]

27. Kick him to the curb????

[redqueen]

29. Yes...

We've been in counseling for years... I've seriously pushed for divorce twice... now I'm not discussing it anymore... the counselors seemed more interested in us coming in than actually working any problems out... so I'm just working on getting a better paying job so I can get the fuck out of Dodge.

[Wapsie B]

33. That sounds like a plan to me.

You deserve a better life than this. It's taken all I have to forgive myself for my regrets in life. :hug:

[redqueen]

42. ...

:pals:

[Xipe Totec]

43. I'm sorry to hear

I wish I could offer you advice, but I have none to give. All I can offer is my sympathy. You are probably working through the issues in your own mind and just need to vent to relieve the frustration.

:hug:

[redqueen]

44. ...

:hug:

Thanks... you're right... I'm working but it's taking so long... and something just happened which set me off... which is what caused this non-rant/rant...

Thanks again...

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[48pan]

35. Lose the lazy SOB and stop bad mouthing his mom.

He's responsible for himself. Stop enabling him.

[redqueen]

37. I'll badmouth his mom as much as I damn well please.

I can't not enable him without hurting my kids right now.

[48pan]

51. That's much better...

Now, lets get a REAL rant going!

Dump the dad. Having a lazy SOB who doesn't support his family around the house is not good for the kids. (of course, that is just my opinion and you have no obligation to agree or follow my advice)

[redqueen]

56. No, you're completely right.

:hi:

[sundog]

38. whatever hell you are going through

i promise you mine is at least equal...

sometimes you wonder how the fuck you'll get through... just try to keep a smile in your heart :)

:hug:

[redqueen]

40. Bless you...

:pals:

I do try... I would've done so today, too, if I hadn't received that phone call, and started this thread...

[no name no slogan]

41. Oh sweetie...

:hug: :pals: We're with you :hi:

[redqueen]

45. Thank you...

:pals:

[RedCloud]

46. I am sorry for your pain.

It really hurts to see a fellow red in agony. I think you know what I mean there.

What makes divorces work is to find others who are also going through what you are going through and hang out with them.

My daughter was the apple of my eye. The hardest thing I ever did was leave her with her mother. I thought how unfair life had been. I didn't get to ever meet my father and now a thousand miles will separate me from my little girl, because my ex thought she needed to stay in a warm weather state rather than face a winter. So she sought another guy. Okay, I cannot change things especially long distance. My choice was to think about it, feel sorry for myself and wind up half crazy or just tell myself I have a little switch in my head I can use to disconnect. It does help to think I can do that, because now I really can. But with my daughter I cannot disconnect, nor would I ever want to. Each time I do get to see her, the last moments together are increasingly painful. Years have passed and now she passes her mother's judgment onto me.

But I had to divorce FOR THE SAKE OF MY DAUGHTER. She did not need to ever hear me tell her mother about the infidelity. Sure I miss her like the morning son and my life is hard without her. Even though I naively believed that one day she would come around and understand, she has gone the other way.

Redqueen, you have to let yourself love yourself. After I got divorced I tried to find somebody I hadn't met in years: the person I was before I ever met my ex. I had to rekindle some energy toward helping others and getting involved in things that had meaning to me.

Relationships are tough. People must learn that they have to share time with one another, pick each other up when they fall down, try to forget harsh words, help each other when sick. If these things do not happen, there is not much to gain by staying in a relationship.

It does sound like you are not only getting way overburdened but unappreciated for it as well.

I am sorry red queen, but I think the Trail of Tears is your option at this point.

[redqueen]

47. Yes...

I realized that long ago... I just kept ignoring it because I kept thinking the counseling would help...

Thanks... I'll look for a support group once the separation begins... I could never go right now... I've been on lock down for years.

[Shell Beau]

48. Sorry! How about one of these?

:hug:

[redqueen]

53. Thanks...

I'm feeling much better now... thanks to all of you. :pals:

[Shell Beau]

57. I hope you do feel better. In-laws can be hell sometimes.

[Zuni]

50. hey redqueen

:hi:

:pals:

[redqueen]

54. Hey Zuni...

:pals:

[ScreamingMeemie]

52. redqueen, here is a hug...a big one and a story....

:hug: :hug: :hug:

My father left my mother after 40 years together last week. The way he did it was dead wrong, but I understand the reasoning. They were not happy years, they were miserable years for them...and for me. I would have been much better off to have been 5 (when the trouble started) then to have grown up in a house where I felt it was somehow my fault (my mother let/lets me believe this). I would wake up in the night with my mother in her nightgown, rocking on the floor in front of the door...and screaming for her mother. My father begging her to tell him what it is she wanted. One caring, strong, loving parent goes much further than two who battle, cajole, and sit in stony silence. :hug:

Much Love,
Laura

[redqueen]

55. Thank you...

so very much...

:hug:

[SarahB]

58. Sweetie, you KNOW I know.

My ex wasn't lazy, just chronically angry/snapping at me and emotionally detached. It took a long time to get in the position financially to be able to go (still not easy now, but workable with an even better future).

I am so sorry for your pain. I hope you're able to get out of this awful situation. :hug: