I’d like to get something off my chest before I get outed by the bloggers

[ET Awful]

My real name isn’t Stephen Colbert. It’s Ted Hitler. No relation. Well, distant relation, two generations back. Directly. I’m Adolph Hitler’s grandson.

Anyway it’s out there. It’s no longer news.

JS: Uh wow uh. First of all I guess thank you for your honesty, Stephen.

SC: It’s Ted. It’s Ted Hitler.

JS: Ted, you’re sort of “old media” um, you’re an old media reporter. What are your thoughts in your mind of these “new media” figures?

SC: Jon the vast majority of bloggers out there (Well there’s a reason I changed it Jon).

JS: Yes.

SC: The vast majority of bloggers out there are responsible correspondents doing fine work in niche reporting fields like “Gilmore Girls Fan Fiction” or “Cute Thing Their Cats Do” or “Photo-shopped Images of the Gilmore Girls as Cats.” That’s great.

But where I draw the line is with these attack-bloggers. Just someone with a computer who gathers, collates and publishes accurate information that is then read by the general public. They have no credibility. All they have is facts. Spare me.

JS: But Stephen I mean to be perfectly –

SC: Ok, I put myself through school as a Columbian drug mule. I put heroin in condoms and I smuggled them into the country in my colon. Ok? Fine. Post away, [email protected].

JS: Um. Getting back to the story, Stephen. The medium of the Internet may be new, but what bloggers do, as you just described it, is really in many respects what journalists do.

SC: What Journalists do, Jon? As a journalist I think I know what I do. I’m not sitting at home in front of my computer. I’m out there busting my hump everyday at the White House. Transcribing their press releases. Repeating their talking points. That’s how you earn your nickname from President Bush. And so when he stands at the podium and points at me and says, “You chowder neck, question?” Everybody knows it’s me. Ted Hitler.

JS: But as long (ever since I found that out I can barely look at you) as long as the bloggers fact-check. As long as these bloggers check their facts, why would you even object to this kind of political coverage?

SC: Because it’s not political coverage, John. They’re reporting on the reporters. First rule of journalism is: Don’t talk about Journalism. Or maybe that’s “Fight Club.” But my point is this: these guys need to learn you don’t report on reporters. Nobody likes a snitch. If they gotta report on something, why don’t they take some of that youthful moxie of theirs and investigate this administration. Somebody ought to. You would not believe some of the things they’re getting away with.

JS: But Stephen, you—

SC: Fine John. Three years ago, I killed a panda. Ling-ling - or the other one. I can’t tell them apart. In my own defense, in my own defense John, it was dark, I was drunk and it was delicious. Sorry to ruin your scoop colbertkilledapanda.com!

JS: Look, now Stephen, Like it or not, these bloggers have already gained a certain legitimacy.

SC: Yes, John. And therein lies our only hope. For with legitimacy, the bloggers will gain a seat at the table. And with that comes access, status, money, power. And if we’ve learned anything about the mainstream media, that breeds complacency.

Or whatever.

John.

JS: Thank you…Ted.

[Richardo]

1. Hilarious.

I could hear Colbert's voice just reading it. :rofl:

[khashka]

2. That was really great Mr. Hitler

Kind of a much BETTER version of Jeff Gannon's Advocate interview :)

Khash.

[48pan]

3. Hey Ted... By any chance are you related...

to Vic Hitler, an LA comedian?