Everything I Need to Know I Learned Scooping Poop In My Yard:

[Robb]

- Make good plans: scoop first, weed-whack second;

- It takes the same amount of bending to pick up a big poop as a little one;

- Don't focus on the poop ten feet in front of you and step in the turd at your feet;

- Poops are like deer on the highway -- if you see one, there's another;

- The cutest critter leaves the stinkiest pile;

- Sometimes it's better to let shit sit for awhile.





...Anyone else?

If Random House calls, I'll be in the tub. :D

[brainshrub]

1. It doesn't matter who left the poop in the yard,

It doesn't matter who made the poop in the yard, you still have to pick it up.

No two poops look alike, but poop is still poop.

[Maddy McCall]

2. A poop in the baggie is better than two poops in the treads of your shoes.

[Historic NY]

3. It still stinks, unless it has turned white.

Mowing over it will not get rid of it either.

[fluffernutter]

4. lmao, too funny

great post :D

[BikeWriter]

5. Confucius say...

Confucius say he who has no animal and has poop in yard has poopiehead for neighbor.
Confucius, 551-479 BC

[Gloria]

6. Small poops deposited on small rocks = BIG PROBLEM

1) hard to find
2) if found when still soft, smear all over the rocks
3) if found when hard, can be very hard to pick up as they shift around
in the rocks as you try to pick them up.


Poop Survival:

Get a paper ice cream bag. Use sandwich bread bag as picker upper. Insert hand into bread bag, grab the poop and deposit poop and bag in the ice cream bag, with plastic bag upright, ready for you to insert your hand in again next time! Bread bag helps poop dry out. At garbage day time, just toss into the garbage. Main garbage can won't stink all week that way....

[lonestarnot]

7. EWWW YUCKIZOID!

[burythehatchet]

8. garbage in, garbage out

[BikeWriter]

9. Shit happens... (list)

Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.


And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!

[radfringe]

16. and some from the political arena....

Republicans - our shit don't stink

Dems - What's all this shit?

Libertarians - people are responsible for their own shit

Independents - I got my own shit to deal with

FCC - Shut'em down - they said shit

Rush Limbaugh - everything he says is shit

Rumsfeld - there is shit we know and then there is shit we don't know and then there's the unknown known shit

Frist - I never agreed to shit

Bi-partisan advocates - we must all shit together

Partisans - you shit there and we'll shit here

Bush - ummm, errrr, ummmmm I don't have to respond to this shit

[BikeWriter]

20. Oooooh, good one!

[radfringe]

22. just thought of couple more

Cheney - his shit is in a secure undisclosed facility

DeLay - flies are attracted to shit

Regular Americans - get shit while waiting for the trickle down

[hfojvt]

17. God grant me the serenity to accept the sh*t I cannot change

Courage to wipe up the sh*t I can, and non-sh*t-for-brains to know the difference.

[BikeWriter]

21. LOL! There ya go, good one!

[whodiedandmadeUSgod]

10. Wear gloves and wash hands thoroughly

or avoid finger foods for several hours!

[Robb]

11. No matter how carefully you scoop...

...From time to time you'll miss one and step in it.

The trick is to not get mad, but to realize sometimes it's going to happen, and learn to deal with it. :)

[radwriter0555]

12. The pooper scooper with the long handle is the best invention ever made..

it changes the ENTIRE dynamic of picking up doggie poop in the yard.

[Kingshakabobo]

13. Don't wear shoes with deep treads. Easier to clean in case of mistake. n/

[phoebe]

14. when feeling defeated, plant little flags in them..

reference to the Dutch/German person/s who are planting * flags.
Can someone kindly post the picture.....

[radfringe]

15. ahhhh yes - another member of the POOP PATROL

-- if using a plastic bag as a Poop Pouch, double bag or you may end up with a bigger pile of poop - and usually on your foot

-- for homes with multiple dogs, unless there is a radical difference in the size of the dogs - all poop piles are the same size

-- no matter how carefully you perform Poop Patrol duties, you will find a missed poop by stepping in it (usually barefoot)

-- be happy when it snows - it hides the poops

[hfojvt]

18. do not bother during rainy season

it is too mushy to be picked up.

[NV Whino]

19. This is the funniest thread I've read in a while

I shit you not.