Lily's Lament
I haven’t been outside lately to whip things into shape and I’ll tell you why. The Siamese is a f*ing nut. He yowls and yowls in his little playpen and drives us crazy so we have to come in. If that wasn’t bad enough, last night the stupid man my mommy hates was talking on tv and I was on the bed hoping I could put my Mommy to bed soon and the Idiot Siamese comes in and attacks me like I had weapons of mass destruction or something.
Every day I’ve gone out lately the yowling has driven me in. I apologize to my admirers who felt, by now that I would have secured a kill. But how can one venture forth while the diarrhea mouth is in action?
Pad Thai: "Lily is dissin’ me and it isn’t fair."
That’s my sister and she hates me! Why even to cuddle and sleep next to her I have to wait till she’s asleep and creep under the covers and hide.
If she sees me she always looks at me as if I were a very big dump in the litter box. Like I’m something disgusting!
She doesn’t give me a chance! And when we’re outside I complain because she gets to go free and I don’t. I would much rather be next to her hunting and defending our turf!
I’m just a sweet Siamese going about my business trying to be a good kitty and hunting chicken in the kitchen and treats in the living room. Why doesn’t Lily realize, I just want to play!