Wakes (viewings of the dead) are creepy, IMO...

[Cooley Hurd]

Poll question: Wakes (viewings of the dead) are creepy, IMO...

I can't be the only one who finds the ritual of "viewing" the dead as unsettling.

I remember the very first wake I went to (at age 7). My aunt died of cancer and my mother brought me to the wake. It freaked me out sooo much that I couldn't sleep for weeks without having a recurring nightmare in which my aunt bolts upright from her coffin and points at me.:scared:

My mother always told me that wakes were necessary in the grieving process, instrumental in providing "closure." And I've always disagreed.

How do you feel about this ritual?

[Dogmudgeon]

1. You forgot "it depends"

I'd seen several corpses when I was working in the medical field, but when my father died in 1996, seeing him "in state" was freaky. He looked like a shrivelled-up monkey.

My grandmother -- who I was very close to -- died last October, and because my brother was a wreck (living in Florida, he hadn't seen her for six years), we had a limited viewing, mainly for him. They straightened her normally curly hair out, and she looked like a mannikin. But it made him feel better to "say goodbye" to the corpse.

But what I object to is the "closure" thing. There is no closure. It's an abominable cliché as it tries to turn feelings into "Automated Affect Modules".

--p!

[ikojo]

2. Caskets are not opened at a Jewish funeral. The casket is there but

closed. I prefer it that way. My Aunt Kate (Catholic) died in 2003 and there was an open casket. Everyone was expected to walk by it and say good bye. I had seen this woman maybe five times in my whole life so I walked up with one of my sisters just to pay respects. I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say.

I prefer memorial services rather than funerals.

[kedrys]

3. We had an open casket at my maternal grandmother's wake

I don't remember much of it, but my mom says my younger sister (3 and a half years behind me) completely freaked out. I guess I was about 12 at the time.

[CBHagman]

4. It's highly personal and depends on culture.

Speaking for myself, I am very anti-viewing. The image I wish to have of a friend, family member, or associate is the way that person was in life, not as an embalmed form from which the soul has departed. I can think of several cases in which my viewing of the corpse would have been horrendously traumatic. I'm sure DUers know precisely what I mean.

But I realize that for many people, a formal viewing is part of the mourning process. In another era, many of us would have had wakes right at home. My stepmother, for example, is familiar with that tradition and regards it as natural.

I was well into my 20s before I attended a wake with an open coffin, and my first thought was that the body in the coffin wasn't REALLY my friend's uncle. It helped me gain some perspective, but I am still not in favor of the custom. Fortunately, I have been spared this practice in my immediate family.

On edit: I just e-mailed CNN to complain about their decision to use a close-up photograph of the embalmed body of John Paul II in their online coverage of the aftermath of his death. I knew news images of the corpse were coming, but I object to CNN's shoving our faces into it just by opening a website. I felt the same way about some DUer's decisions to show various images of death on this site and the Guardian newspaper's online images of the corpses of Uday and Qusay.

[Ilsa]

5. Once again, it depends.

I think for some people it might be beneficial, not just for closure, but to come to grips with mortality. The person we loved didn't just disappear, but their body died. I think there might be some benefit to this reality, as long as the body isn't terribly ill looking or mangled from trauma.

I also think it might be better if younger people were not a part of the viewing until they are old enough to handle it without feeling freaked out. I have no idea when that might be, or if a person knows for themselves that they can handle it.

I'd rather be remembered for how I am in life, though, not dead in a box.

[CBHagman]

8. Some kids apparently can handle it.

When my niece was small, she actually insisted on seeing her grandmother's body at the funeral. It was her way to say goodbye. I don't know how she would feel today, but at the time it was something she was apparently comfortable with.

I would not have reacted the same way during my childhood.

[cally]

6. Sadly, the first image that comes to mind when I remember

my Grandmother is the one of her in the casket. I don't like it and I wish I didn't have that image in my mind. Since then, I've refused to my children to walk by the open caskets of family members. I just don't get the purpose.

I do know that my family doesn't deal well with death. In a diferent time, we would lay out the dead person in the comunal room and have a wake. Have a great time and go to the funeral laughing. Now, this somber walking past a corpse just seems morbid.

[Swede]

7. It should be up to the parents,but I don't think children should be

a part of the viewing. Other than the children,I think it is a part of life to say good-bye to a loved one.

[Steel City Slim]

9. Pictures

When my ex-wife's grandmother died, family members had their pictures taken with the corpse. I thought that was pretty freaky.