if jesus had a machine gun

[datasuspect]

who would he shoot?

[achtung_circus]

1. No one.

I think that's the point.

[aden_nak]

2. No one, though he might wave it menacingly at Falewll and tell him to STFU

[CanuckAmok]

3. More importantly...what woud he carry?

I'm of the opinion that Jesus would opt for something practical and efficient, and with a relatively slow rate of fire. I can't imagine Jesus being the type to just spray bullets everywhere; He would want to make each one count.

So the Mac-10 is out.

The AK is too cumbersome, and I have a feeling Jesus may have developed an aversion to wood, so that's out, too.

I think if He were to have His choice, Jesus would choose the...

Fabrique Nationale Herstal P90:



From the brochure:

"Stopping power for close combat

P90® submachine gun and SS190 round team up to defeat the enemy in all close combat situations in urban areas, jungle conditions, night missions and any self defense action.

Enemy personnel, even wearing body armor can be effectively engaged up to 200 meters.

Optimized ergonomics

Compactness : 500 mm long, 210 mm high, 55 mm wide
Rounded shapes : no protruding parts, magazine integrated on top of the barrel
Handles naturally : optimized weight and shape
First fully ambidextrous individual automatic weapon"

[datasuspect]

4. he'd probably be a smart consumer too. . .

fire rate/mechanism/air-cooled so many choices.

but something tells me he might be retro and good ol BAR or someting

maybe a .50 cal.

[AntiCoup2K4]

5. Jesus would carry an UZI, of course

Why would the King of the Jews look anywhere other than Israel for a weapon?

Assuming Jesus had any need for a weapon, that is. Which He doesn't.

[datasuspect]

6. good point . . .

[CanuckAmok]

7. Naw.... the P90 has a three-round-burst option...

Think of all the action hero-esque quips Jesus could make about three nails, the Holy Trinity, etc... I'd make some up, but I haven't had my tea yet.


on edit:

or "holey" Trinity. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this.

[RubyCat]

15. I like that machine gun from Scarface, when Pacino says "Say Hello to my

little friend." I think Jesus would really go for that. There's a sweet-ass machine gun from Predator too, but I think that's more Moses's type.

[Eagle_Eye]

8. I don't know who the person is, but thier sign will be 666

Of course Jesus would use a Negev light machine gun
<>

http://www.israeli-weapons.com/weapons/small_arms/negev/Negev.html

[GOPBasher]

9. I don't think he'd shoot anyone, though it's possible he'd shoot the anti-

Christ. So Bush should watch out.

[Bertha Venation]

10. No one.

[RubyCat]

11. Let's not overlook the side arm, for those instances when a

pistol-whipping is required. As far as action-hero one liners go, he can say "I'm going to get biblical on your ass."

[datasuspect]

13. "i'll cry when all the killing's done"

[RubyCat]

16. "Kill them all, let god sort them out."

[datasuspect]

17. "today we kill, tomorrow we die"

[RubyCat]

19. "You've been raptured, baby."

[datasuspect]

20. "i came back, they spit on me and called me baby killer"

[RubyCat]

21. "Forgive THIS!", followed by a barrage of gunfire.

[datasuspect]

22. "it's smiting time!"

[RubyCat]

23. Ok, I give up. I can't think of any more.

[datasuspect]

24. good work

thanks for the delightful repartee. you rock.

[sniffa]

12. he'd be the most powerfuL jesus ever

after jesus de La hoya

[datasuspect]

14. "they drew first blood"

maybe jesus went to nam.

maybe he'd walk into a town and get hassled by the redneck sheriff.

fill in the blanks.

[Hand]

18. He'd pound it into a plowshare and get some useful work done. nt

[RubyCat]

25. This is so very wrong folks. Jesus wouldn't carry a machine gun.

Jesus has more of a "one-shot, one-kill" mentality, so I would expect that he would go for something like a semi-automatic rifle. Moses, on the other hand, seems like the kind guy who would really get his kicks laying down a wall of lead. Incidentally, if Moses was in the air force, he'd want to fly the A-10 Warthog, since nothing beats lead other than milk bottle-sized rounds of depleted uranium.