Actor Tom Sizemore fails drug test with fake penis

[monobrau]

" Actor Tom Sizemore has been jailed for violating his probation by failing a drug test after he was caught trying to use a prosthetic penis to fake the results, a Los Angeles County prosecutor says."

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20050211/od_uk_nm/oukoe_crime_sizemore_1

[Cha]

1. Bad Tom!

Lay off the drugs, dude!

[PartyPooper]

2. Tom "Sizemore" with a fake penis?

Sorry, I just couldn't resist!

:D

:hi:

[Bozita]

5. probably drives a Hummer

[kanrok]

13. Or a "Probe"

n/t

[Solly Mack]

26. Nah...it was obviously a Nova

as it was a "no-go"

[uppityperson]

31. Infiniti

[Archae]

3. Errr...call me clueless...

But why was he using a fake penis?

[tabasco]

10. Probably an observed urinalysis.

Yes, they actually watch you pee.

[babylonsister]

11. From the article:

"caught using a fake penis sewn into his boxer shorts and filled with a clean urine sample kept warm by a heating pack."

[clydefrand]

17. Here's your answer.

"During Thursday's proceedings, prosecutors told Judge Baretto that Sizemore failed three drug tests in three days, the first after he was caught using a fake penis sewn into his boxer shorts and filled with a clean urine sample kept warm by a heating pack."

He must have had some damn baggy pants on to conceal a fake penis, a heating pack and I presume a real penis! Good thing his underwear wasn't showing or he would have been fined for that for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fran from VA...the progressive state that is going to rid this country of baggy britches...well not now. Darn, I forgot, they (the senate) threwn out the legislation passed by the delegates.

[JI7]

4. that's just too funny

[shawcomm]

6. What are the odds of that?

the fake penis being on drugs too... damn!

[Psephos]

28. LOL n/t

[pinniped]

7. Michael Cherito might have to take down scores after he gets out.

.

[oasis]

8. How does one blow a drug test using a fake penis? Was he all thumbs?

[grace0418]

44. Apparently the urine was too cool to have come from

his body, so they made him take his pants off. He should get his money back on the heating device.

[HuckleB]

9. Was it the genital hair toupee that gave him away?

I think it's self-explanatory that you can't trust a guy with a fake penis.

Hmm. I wonder if it vibrated too?

[crispini]

27. ROFL! nt

[MissB]

12. Ohhhh NOOOOO

Not the fake penis! :evilfrown:

[LinuxInsurgent]

14. hahaha

this is something straight out of the Spinal Tap movie...remember the Zuchini in the airport metal checker scene?

hahaha....this is funny....

Tom SIZEmore indeed....buahahahah...

[cynatnite]

15. This had me thinking:

I bet he had to sqeeze REALLY hard to get the urine out. :freak:

[Wrinkle_In_Time]

16. I was tempted to write "what a dick"...

.. to describe Sizemore, but then I realised that "What! A dick?" suited the story better.

[truthpusher]

18. He used the 'Whizzinator' (warning graphic link)

http://www.thewhizzinator.com/

[cynatnite]

22. OMG!

Dehydrated urine!!

:wtf:

[truthpusher]

24. excellent on french fries!

[cynatnite]

30. Just when I thought I couldn't be shocked anymore n/t

[Bozita]

25. Tom's not listed in the testimonials

Hilarious reading.

http://www.thewhizzinator.com/forms/whiz11.htm

[grace0418]

45. Did you read this "testimonial"?

I can't believe they posted this...


"Wow! You guys are pathetic. So many testimonials to use drugs (and by far the most spelling and grammatical errors I have ever seen; seems like the drugs affect your ability to write English as well). If you morons spent half your energy trying to stay clean from mind-numbing substances that you do trying to pass a piss test, you'd all be fucking geniuses with your own island somewhere growing weed and staying the hell away from me. One testimonial was right on. I'm a probation officer and I don't give a flying fuck if you smoke your shriveled brains into oblivion. My concern is all the other people you carelessly hurt in the process of your self-centered pursuit of feeding your need to be numb. Please take your fake dicks and go fuck yourselves and stop taking everyone else down with you into your sewer. Believe me, I'd like nothing more than to leave you stupid fucks alone but it seems when I or my neighbor is affected by your inability to care about anyone but yourselves,!
  I feel compelled to protect myself. Talk about freedom; I would like to be free of a society of shitheads who make drug use more important than taking care of themselves or their families. So many of you said "Now I can keep my job." What?!? If you weren't so toxic you'd figure out that it's fairly easy to get and keep a job. JUST STOP FUCKIN' IT UP DUMMY!

Not a chance, WA"

[NV Whino]

32. I'm not even going to ask how you know about the Whizzinator

Have you seen the movie, Gattaca?

[truthpusher]

33. Yes I have seen it, and that should explain why I use the Whizzanator....

...you know they only use a tiny amount from a whole cup of urine. Now tell me, what do they do with the rest of it? :tinfoilhat:

[Not_Giving_Up]

34. They have a device for women to...Number1

http://gonumber1.com/her.htm

Not as much info on it though, and no pictures!

[derby378]

19. Huh huh huh - they said "Whizzinator" (n/t)

[johncoby2]

20. Why do I think he is a Republican?

Gives new meaning to dickhead.

[Skittles]

49. because he beats women

nt

[AlCzervik]

21. this guy is going to end up od'ing or killing someone

get help tom.

[gorrister]

23. I like him

he's a good actor.

http://stopthedrugwar.org/index.shtml

[donheld]

29. Do they actually have to look at your equipment

when you give a sample? :shrug:

[shawcomm]

35. Some places do, don't they?

Especially law enforcement situations. A buddy of mine in the Navy said they did there.

I'd tell 'em to take a good long look. :evilgrin:

[Elidor]

36. Instant Immortality!

This guy is a genius!

[kodi]

37. real men use an implanted catheter pre-filled with urine.

or so i've heard.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

38. This is the nuttiest thing I have heard in a while...

Too funny...druggies using fake penises to pass a drug test.
It's even funnier that a famous person was caught doing this. It makes me wonder how often this sort of thing happens.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

39. He needs "HERBAL CLEAN. Trusted by Millions."

I actually got a baby-tee that says that today from a "rep" at work. It's going to be my new favorite shirt.

Their quik-tabs actually work. They're illegal in NJ now, which is a shame because they were a huge seller. Now we direct our customers to PA or NYC. Many a time, I've been tempted to buy a bunch in bulk and sell them out of my trunk.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

40. "Sizemore's lawyer told the court that his client was destitute"

"During the hearing, Sizemore's lawyer told the court that his client was destitute, living in a garage in Whittier, California, and that he was an expectant father, Carney told Reuters."

I have a hard time believing Tom Sizemore is destitute. There's no good reason why a man who has been in so many movies would be destitute. If he is, it's his own damn fault for being such a fool with his money.

[huellewig]

41. I have never seen a flaccid replica.

Maybe the oddly erect penis for the drug test tipped them off.

[cascadiance]

43. Or if it was flaccid, they probably had a conveniently located

nurse that both looked like and dressed like Britney Speers nearby to ask him "Aren't you happy to see me?" while he was taking the test that "aroused" their suspicions...

[Thor_MN]

42. Was that what * was packing on the aircraft carrier?

The "Mission Accomplished Fake Penis"?

[davsand]

46. Is that a headline ANY man would want to see his name appearing in?

"Actor Tom Sizemore fails drug test with fake penis"

I can't imagine any man wanting to see his name associated with "fake penis" or "fails drug test" in any headline. Tom's having a BAAAAAD year.

Just out of curiosity, am I the only one that was LMAO at the comparison photos of the Whizzinator -V- The Competition? Is this a case of guys buying the Whizzinator because it is BIGGER?

Bwa-haa-haaa!


Laura

[Lautremont]

47. This is just like in Withnail & I

Except it's a sort of a tube with a valve on it, not a full-on fake john thomas.

[cobaindrain]

48. what? it's not the penis they're testing for drugs, it's what's in it!