Greetings:This is the Secretary of War

[ET Awful]

at the State Department of the United States.

We have a problem. The companies want something done about this sluggish world economic situation Profits have been running a little thin lately and we need to stimulate some growth.

Now we know there's an alarmingly high number of young people roaming
around in your country with nothing to do but stir up trouble for the police and damage private property.

It doesn't look like they'll ever get a job.

It's about time we did something constructive with these people
We've got thousands of 'em here too. They're crawling all over The companies think it's time we all sit down, have a serious get-together and start another war

The President?

He loves the idea! All those missiles streaming overhead to and fro,
Napalm, people running down the road, skin on fire.

The Soviets seem up for it, the Kremlin's been itching for the real thing for years.

Hell, Afghanistan's no fun.

So whadya say?

We don't even have to win this war.

We just want to cut down on some of this excess population

Now look. Just start up a draft; draft as many of those people as you can. We'll call up every last youngster we can get our hands on,
hand 'em some speed, give 'em an hour or two to learn how to use
an automatic rifle and send 'em on their way

Libya? El Salvador? How 'bout Northern Ireland?

Or a "moderately repressive regime" in South America? We'll just cook up a good Soviet threat story in the Middle East-we need that oil
We had Libya all ready to go and Colonel Khadafy's hit squad
didn't even show up. I tell ya That man is unreliable. The Kremlin had their fingers on the button just like we did for that one.

Now just think for a minute-We can make this war so big-so BIG, the more people we kill in this war, the more the economy will prosper
We can get rid of practically everybody on your dole queue if we plan this right.

Take every loafer on welfare right off our computer rolls. Now don't worry about demonstrations-just pump up your drug supply. So many people have hooked themselves on heroin and amphetamines since we took over, it's just like Vietnam.

We had everybody so busy with LSD they never got too strong. Kept the war functioning just fine, it's easy.

We've got our college kids so interested in beer they don't even care if we start manufacturing germ bombs again. Put a nuclear stockpile in their back yard, they wouldn't even know what it looked like

So how 'bout it? Look-War is money.

The arms manufacturers tell me unless we get our bomb factories up to full production the whole economy is going to collapse

The Soviets are in the same boat.

We all agree the time has come for the big one, so whadya say?!?

That's excellent. We knew you'd agree.

The companies will be very pleased.

[McKenzie]

1. you might be closer to the truth than you think

You'll be familiar with Eisenhower's warning about the military-industrial complex. Here's the full text for those who ain't read it...uncannily prescient.

<snip>

Until the latest of our world conflicts, the United States had no armaments industry. American makers of plowshares could, with time and as required, make swords as well. But now we can no longer risk emergency improvisation of national defense; we have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions. Added to this, three and a half million men and women are directly engaged in the defense establishment. We annually spend on military security more than the net income of all United States corporations.

<snip>

http://coursesa.matrix.msu.edu/~hst306/documents/indust.html

[ET Awful]

2. Not me, those are the words of Jello Biafra, circa 1984.

:)

[McKenzie]

3. erk I'm culturally challenged!

thanks for the heads up there.

[Crankie Avalon]

4. Is it from Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death?...

I had several of their albums and remember that spoken word interlude from one of them.

[ET Awful]

5. To be honest, I've forgotten.

Wasn't "Give Me Convenience" kind of a compilation of stuff off other albums?

I want to say "In God We Trust, Inc." but I'm not sure.

on edit: Yes, it was on "Give Me Convenience" I just looked on Amazon :)

[Forkboy]

6. I love the Thatcher moaning effects throughout

Jello has a real good CD out now with the Melvins.