Today I witnessed the worst case of verbal abuse

[Carson]

I've ever personally heard.

A friend and I went shopping and when he decided to go to Circuit City, I opted to stay in the car. My window was rolled down a bit and I was reading a book when I car parked next to me.

The car was some beat-up mid-80's model and contained a bedraggled-looking woman and two unkempt kids. The woman got out of the car and opened the back door and began yelling at one of the children--a boy of about 6 or 7.

She was standing right next to my car so I easily heard every horrible word she said to her child. She told him she didn't want to be seen in public with him and began to list the reasons why. He couldn't behave and was ugly and stupid. Then she said that was the reason no one liked him and he didn't have any friends. The poor boy didn't even look up. He just sat there with his head down.

By the time, this woman slammed the door and walked toward the store with her other child, tears were streaming down my face. (I'm crying now, just thinking about it.) I tried to catch the boy's eye and smile at him or something, but he never looked up.

My friend came back shortly after and we left. I'm still shaken up. All I can think about is what sort of life this child has.

Some people are so sickening and inhuman.

[Aiptasia]

1. I quote keanu reeves from "Parenthood"

Hell you even need a license to drive a car.. but they'll let any butt ream or asswipe be a (parent).

[NoodleBoy]

2. I saw that alot, in a few different forms, when I worked fast food.

just makes you want to knock some sense into the adult in the situation. best you can do is see if you can report it to CPS.

[tk2kewl]

3. man that sucks

:(

did you get her plate number? i am sure there is much worse going on in private if that is what goes on in public.

[nini]

I agree.. a call to social services is in order

poor kids. :-(

[Seabiscuit]

123. I agree - a call to social services is definitely in order.

I feel bad for that kid, but also for you, Carson - anyone who is able to nail a quote from Bull Durham should never have to be subjected to having to witness such abusiveness in public.

[Carl Brennan]

4. Well, it's too late now but one way of dealing

with a situation like this is to get the license plate and report this to child protective services or a similar org. This child could grow up and commit mass murder.

These services can help out in situations like this without neccesarily making a legal issue out of it.

[amazona]

97. I heard all those exact phrases and more

I did not grow up to commit mass murder.

I'm guessing that getting CPS involved would only make matters worse.

[proud2BlibKansan]

111. Believe it or not

verbal abuse is not something you can hotline. But leaving the kid unattended in the car is a crime in most states.

[DebinTx]

5. Geez

Here in Texas, leaving a young child like that unattended in a car will get you a visit to the pokey.

I feel bad for the kid.

[Lisabtrucking]

14. That is mental abuse and she could be investigated.

I don't care if she's the mother or not, that is grounds for a divorce and that is mental abuse to a child. I would of turned her in. Sounds like she needs some parenting classes which she would of gotten if she was investigated.

[MindPilot]

6. that's tragic...no wonder there are so many screwed up people

you can rest assured that woman voted for * if she voted at all.

I'd also be willing to bet she's a single mom.

[Lisabtrucking]

17. Hay! just one minute. I'm a single mom, and my family is doing just fine.

Cool it on the single mom thing. I have raised my children up to be great adults. It's not because she is a single mom. So please before you start dumping on single moms, There are a lot of great hard working caring single moms out there.

[Left Is Write]

61. I was a single mother for ten years.

I agree that it's insulting for anyone to jump to the conclusion that an abusive mother is a single mother.

[auntAgonist]

126. I agree Lisabtrucking! and welcome to DU ! ! !

[Political_Junkie]

19. Excuse me,

but what do you mean you're willing to bet she's a single mom?

[Der Blaue Engel]

20. Yes, save our children from single moms

:eyes:

I'm exercising such an incredible amount of restraint right now by merely rolling my eyes. I should be congratulated.

[Political_Junkie]

24. Congratulations.

I, myself, will show little restraint! :grr:

[Lisabtrucking]

25. Yes Restrain yourself.

[DS1]

27. What's she gonna do? Verbally abuse us?

The question was begged.

[Der Blaue Engel]

32. I guess I was TOO subtle

I MEANT that I was so angered by that comment that it was all I could do to remain civil.

To be perfectly clear: I am a single mom, and I'm fucking pissed off at the inference that an abusive woman is automatically perceived as a single mom.

Better?

[DS1]

36. Oh I agree, there are many fine, caring, loving, capable single parents

out there, and the prejudice against single parents is horseshit, I just wondered where you were going with that comment. :-)

Have a :beer: on me

[Der Blaue Engel]

44. Thanks, I need one now

;)

:toast:

[Wisc Badger]

30. I know some single mothers

who have done an excellent job. Bravo Zulu (USN for good Job) to them.

[Der Blaue Engel]

39. Thanks. As a Single Mom I Agree!

Man, I guess I should have just gone for it and blown my top. To further clarify, my first response was sarcasm.

[Phillycat]

41. I took care of it for you. See my post below.

:)

[Political_Junkie]

45. single mothers unite!

I understood the sarcasm, but my congrats was sincere. :)

[Der Blaue Engel]

46. Yes, that one I got. :)

Thanks. :hi:

[blondeatlast]

63. Congratulations--I'm seething myself, and I'm a happily married mom. nt

[Carl Brennan]

100. This post takes the award

for idiocy: A person reporting a woman abusing a child is an attack on single moms.
Hayzooz. You don't know she was the mother, or that she was single, beside the fact that missed the main issue by a mile. :eyes:

[Der Blaue Engel]

108. I think you're responding to the wrong post

Or you're missing the point of mine. I was responding to post #6, by MindPilot, which included an incendiary lob at single moms. I was merely expressing my disgust at that suggestion. You missed my main issue by a mile, too, but I don't blame you; I was too heavy on the sarcasm and too subtle on the disgust. :)

I had no issue with the initial post in this thread.

[Carl Brennan]

110. Very sorry about that. I was going to damn fast.

Something about kids being abused that just gets me.

I'm glad to see there is no one as stupid as I thought your were.

My apologies.

[Der Blaue Engel]

116. Understandable

LOL...that reminds me of one of my favorite Ghostbusters quotes, by the angry EPA guy: "I'm not grotesquely stupid!"

:dunce:

[Name removed]

35. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[DS1]

43. and the stroller you rode in on!

:7

[Der Blaue Engel]

54. Well, see, that was my first response

I was just afraid this would turn into a flamewar about single mothers. I'm still wondering whether that was flamebaiting. MindPilot...care to respond?

[Name removed]

58. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[tjdee]

42. Because single mothers have unkempt children and tell them they're stupid.

Thanks.

:grr:

[blondeatlast]

60. "Single mom?" Excuse me?

My best friend is a wonderful single mom with no help from the father at all--nada.

She does for her son as much as I do with mine and I am happily married to a man who's crazy about his son.

[Maddy McCall]

102. I am a single mom, too.

Finishing my PhD, raising my son as the center of my life, showing him the importance of education AND the golden rule, both to which the poster above evidently has never been exposed.

[liontamer]

81. ???

how does the fact that she verbally abuses her children lead you to either of those conclusions. Child abuse affects everybody and is found amongst all walks of lives. There are probably people on DU right now who abuse their children.

It's not always an issue of us vs. them.

[donheld]

84. Shame on you

:spank: plenty of two parent households are this way. You have no right to say that about single moms!

[Name removed]

101. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[slutticus]

104. Since my mom isn't here to defend herself from your comment...

..I send a big FUCK YOU to you....from her.

[buckettgirl]

7. Another reason some people should never be allowed to have kids n/t

[underpants]

That is sad

I feel for any soul out there in that situation.

The woman probably found this the easiest way to control the child and so she kept up with it. SHE is the reason he might not have friends all he has ever known is screaming from the humanoids.

[patcox2]

75. now now, underpants

There is to be no sympathy, no understanding that some people have it hard themselves and have difficulty and are imperfect, there is to be no pity. She is to be reported to the authorities and her children taken from her because everyone knows that Child Protective Services or DYFS and such government agencies do such a wonderful job and kids do so well cycling through mercenary foster homes, and you better remember, we are all fit here to make such judgments because everyone knows that everyone here is perfect all the time and never loses their temper or resorts to verbal abuse such as saying "fuck you" because they are angry.

[auntAgonist]

127. SOME people have very loving, caring , giving foster homes

to share with the children they look after. I raised a fine young son of my own and a fine young foster son for 10 years, they are both young men now. Fine upstanding citizens who contribute to their communities. Please don't lump ALL foster homes / and parents together.

[Left Is Write]

8. That makes me tear up also.

Absolutely heartbreaking. I will never, ever, ever understand the kind of person who could do that to a child, any child, let alone her own.

[Lavender Brown]

9. Children learn what they live...

If a child lives with criticism.  He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility.  He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule.  He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame.  He learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance.  He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement.  He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise.  He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness.  He learns justice.
If a child lives with security.  He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval.  He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship.  He learns to find love in the world.

[DS1]

10. Next time get out your car and do something about it instead of sobbing

:eyes:

[pagerbear]

15. That's what I love about DU

The way we support each other in times of crisis. :eyes:

[DS1]

18. Like that kid was supported

Fuck that.

Wah, I saw someone else's life being destroyed and didn't do a goddamn thing about it.

Problem, meet enabler.

[Carson]

21. What should I have done? Seriously? Provoke her more?

[DS1]

22. You could have at a very minimum taken down the plate number

and called the operator, got the number for child services in your area and tipped them off.

Instead, you sat there in plain sight while she did this to the kid and didn't do anything about it, further ingraining in her mind that it's socially acceptable to treat her kid like that.

[Phillycat]

38. It also shows the child that nobody will stand up for him.

[MountainLaurel]

73. Exactly

If you read any of Alice Miller's work about abused children and what keeps them from being abusers too, it's that some adult, somewhere along the line, let them know that the abuse was WRONG and that they deserved love.

[Phillycat]

83. I know that is true in my case for sure.

[MountainLaurel]

89. She does interesting work

Most interesting is a profile she did of Hitler.

[Lex]

48. Sad to say it, but she did nothing illegal at all.

It is perfectly acceptable legally for her to berate and humiliate her child.

Child services would've laughed their asses off if called.

I think she is a terrible parent and I wouldn't talk to my kids that way, but she's perfectly within her legal rights to do so, sadly.

[Bouncy Ball]

57. Well

they wouldn't have laughed their asses of if they have a smidgen of professionalism in them, but the sad truth is most often CPS is overworked and have too many cases and too few investigators and it takes too long to get out to investigate.

BUT the right thing to do, in a case where you KNOW the kid is being abused (and that does qualify as verbal abuse) is to call. They can at least start a file and then if OTHER people call when they see or hear other things, then there is already a file present and it gives them more incentive to investigate.

If no one calls, no file. No mention.

[proud2BlibKansan]

113. They would not have done anything

As the previous poster said, this kind of verbal abuse is not a crime. Sure, you can call them, but they wouldn't have even taken a report so it wouldn't have done much good.

Any social workers out there? I am just a teacher but we do get training as mandated reporters every year and what I have been taught tells me that this is not a hotline-able offense.

[DS1]

62. Ah, the "I see no visible improvement so I'll do nothing at all" approach.

Nice.

[Lex]

66. No the "she did nothing illegal so the call is a waste" approach.

Social Services would not have even opened a file on this complaint, even if it were called in.

This is a bad parent, but absolutely nothing she did falls within the realm of ANYthing Social Services would've touched.

[Bouncy Ball]

74. How do you know they wouldn't have opened a file?

They DO know that oftentimes verbal abuse is accompanied by physical abuse, and here in Texas, they sure as hell WOULD open a file.

[Lex]

79. Because I work in the court system and I see stuff like this all the time.

And a complaint by a total stranger about a parent yelling horrible things to a kid in a parking lot, with nothing more, will not warrant the opening of a file on the event.

[sangh0]

88. Why do you assume the woman was a stranger to the authorities?

For all you know, they are on a first name basis with her

Maybe they WOULDN'T open a file - Maybe they'd just add this to the file that's already been opened

[Lex]

93. You misunderstand. The person making the report would be categorized as

a stranger to the family--not a teacher or family member or neighbor.

[sangh0]

96. Ahh, I see

thank you

[Left Is Write]

94. That was my thought.

Perhaps there already IS a file.

[qanda]

87. If the child was only 6 or 7

I don't believe it's legal to leave them alone in the car, but what do I know? I guess it's just something that I would never do with my own children and so I think of it as being illegal for anyone else to do it.

I do feel terribly for the child, but this is all too common. The way people scream and curse their children, makes you wonder why they bothered to have them.

[Carson]

91. I agree with the cursing part as well.

I've been called a "puritan" by others on this site for mentioning this previously, but cursing at a child is never acceptable in my book.

[Left Is Write]

68. Taking the plate number down and calling would be an appropriate action

Confronting the mother would probably NOT have been a good idea. If this is the sort of thing this mother would do to her child in public, I shudder to imagine the kind of retributions the child himself might have suffered later at home if the original poster had confronted the mother.

Reporting it to the authorities is pretty much all that could be done at that point.

[proud2BlibKansan]

112. Child services wouldn't have done anything

This isn't a case they would investigate - really . So calling them wouldn't have done any good. But mom could get in trouble for leaving the kid in the car unattended.

[redqueen]

11. I think I would have had to say something.

God, some people should not be allowed to have children. Seriously.

[pagerbear]

12. I wish I knew what to say.

Resonates with some of the things I heard as a kid, although it wasn't nearly that severe.

I wish there was a way to help the kid--and to help you. You were traumatized, too.

[Carson]

23. My first thoughts were to just grab the boy and run.

I wish I had done something but I didn't know how to handle it. It was terrible.

[pagerbear]

59. I'm sorry folks are attacking you here

What a bunch of disgusting, self-righteous, callous.....

:hug:

[Name removed]

64. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[one_true_leroy]

95. exactly...

my name doesn't have 1000+ behind it, so I'm not calling out names, but there are a few arm-chair Samaratans on this thread whose sanctamoniuous 'should'ves' and 'I would'ves' are not only uncalled for, but arrogant and cruel. To trash some for feeling compassion... there are some posts here that are disgusting.

I think there are some here who should look and see if their compassion is genuine or just chest-thumping second-guessing.

You'll know.

[PatriotGames]

13. That is sad. What a bad childhood these children must have.

[candy]

16. I saw an incident like that in the seventies and I still----

remember the look in the kid's face(also a boy).

I had 5 teens at the time and knew what stress and kids was about but I never saw anything like the fear,and it was fear,on this kid's face.

[eaprez]

26. Mom was probably subject to the same thing......

....and is repeating what she learned. Not a defense of her actions by any means - just a sad reality. I would have gotten the license plate and reported her. Emotional abuse is against the law in most states.

[tk2kewl]

28. sometimes its hard to know what to do at the right time

I'm sorry that there are so many willing to ridicule you for not doing something.

I am sure you wish you had and that if you again witness something so horrible next time you will.

:hug:

[Carson]

37. I had never witnessed anything like that before.

Yes, I wish I had done something, but I just froze. The look on his face will stay with me forever.

[Dorian Gray]

124. I agree with you, Tk

It's hard, in the heat of the moment, to really KNOW what to do. Things happen so quickly, and they are over.

I feel really bad that you had to witness this, and I feel worse for the child. I hope that he has some caring adult in his life who will look out for him, and show him that this behavior is not acceptable from his mother.

[paula777]

29. Wonder if he'll get the death penalty in 10 years when he cuts her throat

[Bouncy Ball]

31. Happened to me about three times a day

growing up.

It's rough. VERY rough. He'll need (and might not get) a TON of counseling.

And CRAP on that mother. That's crap to do to your kid. Total crap. I don't care WHAT kind of day you had or how your life is going, you don't do that, EVER. I have never once talked to my child like that. If I'm feeling that pissy, I get away from my child for a bit, breathe, calm down.

Gross.

[Bouncy Ball]

34. Also

I want to reiterate what some others here have said.

PLEASE call CPS in cases like this.

Please.

No one EVER called CPS on my parents and they should have. We were physically and emotionally abused and horribly neglected and no one ever once called CPS. I know because if they had, and CPS had investigated, we would have been in foster homes so fast it would have made our heads spin. Hell, the courts would have probably terminated my parents' rights to us (locking us in closets, broken arms, burns, etc.).

So please do call. Don't feel guilty about calling. People should feel bad about NOT calling. I depended on teachers, doctors, strangers, someone to help and no one did. I used to wish someone would. I would tell my teacher things hoping she'd call the police. Nope. It was the 70s, though, maybe people didn't call as much back then.

[DS1]

40. Right!

If there's nothing there, a little reminder won't hurt.

If there IS something there, then you've done something the kids need the most.

[Phillycat]

47. Even if CPS doesn't do anything...

There were a few times through my childhood that a stranger would try to talk to my mom about her beating the fuck out of me in public. Nobody ever called CPS, and I ended up getting it worse after we got home, because I "embarassed" her. Nevertheless! I clung to those memories, because they were the only things I had to show myself that this WASN'T normal, there WERE adults that would stand up for me and take my side, and not EVERYONE would abuse me. Those few adults who took the time to try to help me restored enough of my faith in humanity for me to NOT commit suicide later on, I firmly believe.

You CAN make a difference.

[JimmyJazz]

51. Damn, that happened to you, too - what the fuck is wrong with people!

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Phillycat]

53. I don't know.

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:hu:h:hug::hug:ug:::hug:hug:g:::hug::hug::hug:

[Bouncy Ball]

55. Yep

After awhile, I gave up and had no faith in adults. I just figured either no one cared or it was acceptable for them to treat me like they did.

[blondeatlast]

71. Wow. I'll never look away again, that's for sure.

I've tried to cool down a situation before at some risk to myself. I HAD to.

Now I'm glad I did it.

[JimmyJazz]

49. Bouncy Ball:

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm sorry that happened to you. :cry:

[Bouncy Ball]

56. Thanks, sweetie!

I got years and years of counseling! :hug:

[derby378]

67. And your parents got off scot free?!?

:mad:

I'd have put them under the jail for that. You get :hug: from me, too.

[Bouncy Ball]

72. Thanks and yes.

Although I don't know if they consider it scot-free. I haven't seen them or spoken to them in six years and they have not seen their only grandchild in the same amount of time. It pains them horribly, I am told by distant relatives.

I care not. They are still horribly unhealthy (emotionally) and I do not want my daughter growing up around them, period.

[Midlodemocrat]

78. I called CPS on a neighbor

...it was the straw the broke the camel's back. The kids were filthy, not eating, house was disgusting, etc. God only knows what mom did all day besides cheat on her husband. Now they are getting services, but I did find out that you have to call and call often in order to get something done. They won't investigate on just one report.

[jeanarrett]

98. I don't agree with that. . .

My 3 year old accused my former daycare provider's 12 year old son of "humping" her (the 12 year old had a history I found out). I reported it to the police not because I wanted to hurt the kid, but because I wanted him to get help. His parents retaliated by calling CPS and saying that I drove drunk with my kids, they were starving, house filthy, etc., etc. My kids (4 in school) were interviewed at school (all of them have 3.8 gpas, no trouble, honor society) and when they asked my son if his mom starved him, he burst out laughing and they chastised him for "not taking this serious." He said, but you don't know my mom. They showed up at my house unannounced at 7:30 one night and my kids and three of their friends were all sitting around the table eating a very large dinner that I had prepared. CPA took one look and said sorry to bother you. BTW, I am a full-time, working, single mom, too. I was so angry that someone who had a vendetta against me for trying to protect my 3-year old could do this. These same people also called animal control because my cats were outside and had them picked up as strays. Lured them into their yard until animal control got there. Had to go to the Humane Society and pick them up, take time off work and make a donation I did not have.

[Midlodemocrat]

103. Sorry about your situation

but in my state, the CPS won't even act unless they have multiple complaints, and these children were definitely in need of services.

[proud2BlibKansan]

114. Mandated reporting

didn't become a law until the 80s. If you reported this to your teacher today, she would lose her job for not hotlining your parents.

[GreenPartyVoter]

33. :^(

-------------------------------------
Would Jesus love a liberal? You bet!
http://timeforachange.bluelemur.com/

[Lydia Leftcoast]

50. I saw something like that in Portland about ten years ago

I was waiting in a bus shelter on the Transit Mall, and along came a thuggish-looking family with two little girls. The younger one was about four and was clearly at what even I, a non-parent, recognize as the Tired Meltdown Stage. She was dragging her feet and whining, and a sensible parent would have picked her up and carried her and gone home as soon as possible.

As the family progressed along the sidewalk, the little girl plopped down and started wailing. Immediately her father slapped her across the face and screamed at her, "Get your fuckin' ass off the sidewalk, you little cunt!"

Of course, she began to scream louder, and her father kept cussing her out. Her mother just stood there, actually carrying the older girl, who was really too big to be carried.

The father ended up dragging her by one arm down the sidewalk. The mother walked along, still carrying the older girl.

To this day, I regret not doing anything, and I've vowed that if I ever witness such a scene again, I will do something.

I was working with street kids at the time, and that scene gave me some insight into where street kids come from.

[Mrs. Venation]

70. The Incident I Saw Was In Philadelphia

I was at the Amtrak station, waiting for a train back to Washington, DC. There was a woman with a small child, my guess is about 4 or 5 years old, sitting on a bench across from me. The child was fussy, as young ones will be when they are bored. The woman lost her temper and slapped that child's face.

I lost my mind.

I stood up, walked over to the woman, and told her she didn't want to do that again. She told me to mind my own business. I told her that child abuse is everyone's business. I told her if she hit that child again she'd have to deal with the police and child protective services. She looked me square in the eye and slapped that child again. I calmly walked over to a police officer who was at the train station and told him I wanted to report child abuse. (I guess that sorry excuse for a human being thought I was bluffing when I told her not to hit that child again.) I told the police officer what had happened. He called his dispatcher and requested a juvenile officer and CPS presence. Then he and I walked over to the woman and he told her I had lodged a complaint.

She denied hitting the child. At that point several other people who had seen her hit the child approached the officer and told him the woman was lying, that she had slapped the child, that I had warned her not to do it again, and that she slapped the child a second time.

Juvie officers came, CPS came, child was removed from the home. I went back to Philadelphia about 8 weeks later to testify in Juvenile Court about the incident that day. Since the session was closed, I didn't find out what happened. I hope that, at the very least, this woman was taught that you can't just go around beating on your kids.

Sometimes I still have nightmares about seeing that child slapped. At the moment it happened it seemed like the reverberation from that slap was as loud as a gunshot.

I hope that child grew up; and I hope she grew up knowing that some strange adult cared about her.

[auntAgonist]

128. A very caring adult that is probably in that girls heart every day ..

way to go Mrs V ! ! !

[Der Blaue Engel]

77. That just breaks my heart and enrages me at the same time

And it appears it was an "intact," two-parent family. Which begs the question:

How many of us that were subject to attacks like this as a child were the children of a single mom? I wasn't. Outwardly, we were this lovely little Christian "nuclear" family. Behind closed doors, it was another story. My father is a mean-spirited, small-minded little man, and he took out his anger at the world on everyone else. As the youngest, it all trickled down to me. Occasionally my mother would defend me, but she was getting constant verbal abuse herself.

To this day I can't quite shake the hateful concept of myself that my father inflicted on me. (And as a parent, single or otherwise, it has been VERY tough not to unconsciously fall into that pattern.)

[proud2BlibKansan]

115. I saw a similar thing 20+ years ago

I was working at KMart and this little girl - about 2 - was screaming "Mommy, I have to go potty. Mommy, I REALLY have to go potty" Then the little girl saw a potty seat in the infants dept and pulled down her pants and went potty. The mom yanked her up and spanked her bare bottom so hard it made mine hurt. I immediately went to the phone and called the police. They came to the store and talked to the mom. I never heard what happened - if they arrested her or not. Last I saw of them they were walking mom outside to the parking lot. But I always have prayed that the cops at least scared that mom enough to keep her from doing anything like that again.

[derby378]

52. To hell with social services - call the cops

I do hope you got the license plate number...

[Lex]

69. And tell the cops what?

"I saw a very upsetting thing where a mom was saying horribly awful and hurtful things to her child."

That's no crime, sadly.

[DS1]

76. Wrong, it is a crime, under emotional abuse - see federal link

http://nccanch.acf.hhs.gov/general/legal/statutes/define.pdf

[Lex]

80. Yeah, good luck with getting the cops to write up a report on it.

It just wouldn't happen.

[DS1]

82. Like I originally said "I don't think it'll do much, so I won't do

anything at all". Nice.

You're a valuable citizen.

[Lex]

85. Actually, I am a valuable citizen, thankyouverymuch.

I do valuable, concrete things that help people get a roof over their heads and food on the table. I've helped kids in court before by being a guardian ad litem on their behalf, and help get kids placed in safe foster homes.

Have you?

Do you know HOW complaints at Social Services are even taken, or followed up? Do you know what it takes to get a parent into court, or into a parenting program? Do you know what circumstances a cop or a judge will respond to in cases like these?

Or are you just a some Gomer with a keyboard who passes judgment on a person's VALUE TO SOCIETY?

IF you want to help kids and parents, go down to your county courthouse and sign up to be a guardian ad litem. You'll get a better grasp of the state law that those courts apply and maybe ACTUALLY be able to help a kid or a family.

[Carson]

86. Thank you for all that you do, Lex. Truly. nt

[Lex]

90. In most states, anyone with a clean record can be a Guardian Ad Litem.

It is a volunteer thing. Here is how NC's GAL works:

http://www.nccourts.org/Citizens/GAL/Default.asp

[proud2BlibKansan]

117. No it's not

I know it should be, but really, it's not.

[gollygee]

65. That's just heartbreaking

I can't imagine telling a child those kinds of things :(

Poor little boy.

[burythehatchet]

92. I share your sorrow

as a father and a son I am awfully sesitive about this subject. I believe that your intervening would not have a significant amount of difference in that little soul's life. But then again, it could have. The point is that we don't know. The further point is that you shouldn't care.

Any action you take when faced with this type of situation is a raw response. It calls for a decision on your part. You do not have the luxury to reason through the costs and benefits of your decision. The problem is that you acted, or rather failed to act, because of a calculus that led to a "don't get involved" response.

I believe that we cannot always base our decisions on the expected outcome. Sometimes, the choice to act must be based solely on the correctness of the act.

As my religion says, every event has equal positive and negative outcomes, all we can do is to act in a way that honors the best instincts within us.

[iconoclastic cat]

99. Great, there's another future Republican.

He'll sublimate all of that rage and take it out on anyone who he perceives as being weaker. Fantastic.

[patdem]

105. Carson,......THANK YOU ... You have given us all a heads up!!!

I would have sat dumbstruck also, and probably would have done what you did. But your haveing experienced that, and this discussion, maybe we here who read this post and some who have posted now have an idea of what action to take in case we are subjected to the same horror you were.

Thanks for posting this. And take heed, you did what 95% of everyone would do given the information we are all privy to. TOO LITTLE!!!

[Carson]

106. I had honestly never experienced anything like that.

Never experienced it personally or seen behavior like that. I came from a loving family and what I saw was unthinkable to me.

One hears about such dysfunctional, harmful parents on the news or secondhand, but to actually witness it was shocking beyond belief.

Yes, I do wish I had been proactive about the situation. I'll always regret not intervening in some way.

Those two boys will be in my prayers.

[barb162]

107. there are a lot of people who never should have children. Maybe the

license idea is a good one (and a shrink exam first) to cut down on the number of abused children

[flvegan]

109. "I tried to catch the boy's eye and smile..." Hey, Carson,

You recognized something very wrong and wanted to do something. That's a lot more than so many would've thought or felt. It's huge.

You know, lots of folks "in the heat of the moment" don't know what to do. They think back, at a later time, and think of what they wish they had done. The next time, maybe they do something, or take another step towards doing something. It sucks that it sometimes takes a few instances before instinct to act, well, becomes instinct.

Me? Glad you asked. I'd have waited, with my friend. When she came back out, I'd have politely confronted her about what she said. Likely, she'd have become verbally abusive with me. I'd have let that ride, peacefully, while not giving up my stance. Eventually, she'd probably get violent (they rarely just walk away). By then, witnesses would have gathered. My witnesses. I'd let her swing on me, strike me if need be. I'd not swing back unless I was really in danger. Her violent behavior towards me, together with the report I gave (why the situation happened in the first place), would surely open an investigation. I'd lick any wounds and know that I took a bullet for that kid when nobody else would.

The question isn't what did you do wrong/not do right this time, but what will you do next time (cuz it'll happen)?

[Carson]

122. I've went 30 years without seeing such an incident and hopefully

I'll never witness another, but yes, you're right, if it does happen again, I'll know what to do.

Thanks for your comment.

[Must_B_Free]

118. when I was 7 or 8, one friends mom used to call one of her sons a fag

because he was slightly effeminate.

[Pithlet]

119. That's horrible.

Parenting is a very frustrating and demanding job, and it's easy to lose your temper. I still don't understand how anyone can treat a child like that. That was abuse, and you would have been right to take action, but I know that is a shocking and upsetting thing to see.

I recently took my kids to a Children's museum, and I went to the baby area with my 1 year old. There was another couple there with their 2 year old, and they were just so awful to her. They didn't swear at her or call her names, but they yelled at her constantly. The second she would drop a toy they would scream at her "Pick it up! Now!". When she came over and smiled at my son and gave him a hug, they screamed at her for that, and pulled her away roughly, which made my baby cry, and I left the area. Imagine, punishing a child for showing affection to another :cry: I could hear them all over the building, shouting at her non-stop the whole time. If she had been misbehaving and throwing tantrums, that would have been one thing, but she was just playing quietly in a place where kids are supposed to play.

[Tight_rope]

120. This is a sign of bad parenting skills.

[HEyHEY]

121. Fuck that makes me angry

I used to work in a shoe store...I heard terrible parents say awful things to their kids often. Fuckers

[auntAgonist]

125. some people are so clueless they have NO

idea of how damaging their hateful hurtful words can be. They have NO right to be parents. What a horrible way to treat a child. I would be so torn as to whether or not to get out of the car and get in her face, but then I'd fear for the child once they were out of sight. DEFINATELY recommend taking down a license number and reporting the incident though. People are quick to report parents for spanking a child when they see it done in public. Mental cruelty should be reported to.

I'm so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Skittles]

129. I would have confronted her, I have done it before

at the very least it lets the child know her behavior is unacceptable and it is not HIM that is the problem.