Supervillains needed. Now accepting applications.

[short bus president]

Just give me the basics, here: talents, goals, any accomplishments you're particularly proud of, that kind of thing. I'll select the hundred most intriguing responses for further interview. Only a dozen will make the final cut.

Show me your best evil, folks.

[Mirwib]

1. The archvillan Mirwib

Special Talent: Bores people to death quoting obnoxious statistics and doubtful truths at www.democraticunderground.com.

Goals: To bring revolutionary change to the American scene by converting normal, well-adjusted individuals into nerds.

Accomplishments: None.

A movie of Mirwib would be like Alien where the creature coming out of the body is "Cliff" from Cheers.

[ZombieNixon]

2. Richard Nixon's Zombie

Talents: Does perfect impression of Nixon's voice, ethical and political sleazebag.
Goals: World takeover without the threat of impeachment.
Accomplishments: Once listened to four different songs on headphones simultaneously for three hours nonstop and didn't go insane.

[miss_kitty]

3. The wicked miss_kitty

talents: Many, but the few I can list here that won't get your thread locked-Wicked smart and clever. Puntastic.

Goals: Again, the printable ones-World domination. Winning lotto ticket (I'd settle for 3 matching numbers out of 6 at this point)

Accomplishments: Getting through this application. Having my sister tell me she hated to fight with me because I'd "rip (her) face off" (Hey! she's a selfish biatch and Asshat Extraordinaire). Again more unprintable stuff.

[brainshrub]

4. The Stinky Cheese!

Talents: Able to clear our entire cities with my stinkyness.

Goals: To steal all the worlds grated Parmesan.

Proudest accomplishment: When I was appointed a Republican Precinct Capitan in Wisconsin.

[Hippo_Tron]

5. The Tom DeLay exterminator

Talents/Accomplishments...

1) Gerrymandering house districts go help Republicans gain more seats.

2) Banning floor ammendments and democrats from sitting on conference committees.

3) Killing roaches

4) Making racist and homophobic comments

5) Being a complete asshole

6) Being a complete fascist

7) Getting indicted on felony charges but managing to convince my caucus to change the rules so that I can maintain my leadership position.

8) Leaving death threats at the offices of congressmen who don't vote how I want them to.

Goals...
Kill all A-rabs, Homo-sexuals, and Democrats.

[Deja Q]

6. I am the Magnificent HypnoToad!

Wait, can villains have nice words like "magnificent" in them?

I can spellbind people with my dreary conversations!

My goal? To render the world dazed and confused.

Any accomplishments? I've been ribbiting my way up the corporate ladder and am still here.

My past life: I invented the television set.

[JimmyJazz]

7. Sorry - can't help you here - I'm not a supervillian.

I even feel guilty when I post something snarky. God, I'm a wimp.

[jpgray]

8. My evil sidekick will be a robotic Ayn Rand

[The Doctor.]

9. "Good Evening...."

That's how I greet all guests to my Castle.

Don't be fooled however, the castle is only a facade.
The real building is in the basement where school-aged children busily mine a substance I use to create stable high atomic weight elements with which to build my superweapon.

I plan on using this superweapon to...
oh, well... I won't tell you until you are in an inescapable deathtrap.

My qualifications include:

- PhD. at Underworld U in undead progenesis and engineering.
- Associate Physics degree from Cambridge
- Advanced Human Superconscious studies at Harvard (Not in curriculum)
- Advanced Cognitive Theory from Cambridge
- MBA in Business from Yale
- Full tenure at Evil U (location secret)
- Scholar of Peter's Evil over lord school of Evil.
http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html
- I'm a Republican

My experience is in:

-Fixing electronic voting machines to elect
ME, SUPREME LEADER AND SLAVEMASTER OF THE HUMAN RACE!

-Setting deathtraps for self-righteous religious fundamentalists, their followers and their antagonists.
(It's GREAT to see the last looks on their faces as they realize they're not so different after all.)

-Writing war propaganda for the Bush Reich... uh, I mean, 'administration'

- Kicking puppies (just the Bichon Frises)

Accomplishments:

-Toppled the nation of Urnameisstan by replacing regular currency with "cold Prickly" currency. This coup was carried out by having my beautiful but truly Evil daughter seduce the treasury chairman and convince him of the need for change while I had purchased their currency years before and then began having my subsidiaries perform a mass sell-off timed to her 'engagement'.

- Then I shot her because she knew too much.

- Personally installed Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson in their current leadership positions by taking out a huge loan from... umm... I'll tell you after you hire me so I can shoot you for knowing too much.

- Currently in bid for world domination, my robot-clone is doing a wonderful job at relaying my every order as I write this... I'm so proud. The KR model proved to be the best due to it's unassuming visage and diabolical nature.
(note to self - shoot KR2's engineers for knowing too much.)

What I hope to accomplish as an Evil Over lord/ supervillian:

My first order of business will be to kill you for knowing too much...
Ha ha ha... just kidding.

I would like to threaten humanity with oblivion unless they submit every sin they have ever committed by signed mail so that I can hold it against them for my own diabolical purposes.

-Should they not comply, I will use my superweapon (that you don't know about) to destroy the moon as an inducement to comply.

-Then I will use their dirty secrets against them to GAIN CONTROL OF THE WORLD!!!

- Or I'll just run for senate as a Republican.....

Call me.


1-(787)-3845

1-pur-evil


(On edit - I had to shoot my evil secretary for a typo...and I'm hoping the secretary I have now makes a typo while I'm looking at her writing this ever faster as I speek too fast makes a mis...BANG!... I love my job...)

[yvr girl]

10. Draqua

I've always wanted to be a Supervillain!

Talents: I'm very bendy, which can come in handy. People do not expect evil from me - I have the girl next door thing going on - my deeds go undetected. I can blink things - an honest to goodness magical power. I can cry on cue - the power of manipulation is a wonderful thing.

Accomplishments: The rain the Pacific Northwest is known for - that's my doing. Bond was a pansy before I taught him some of my lesser tricks. I can grow synthetic Kryptonite.

Goals: World Domination, baby.

[Eyeball Kid]

11. Eyeball Kid of EEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLL!

Talents:
Y-Ray vision (like x-ray, but only penetrates transparent materials)
Super Whininess
Double-jointed left thumb
plus,
I'm moist!

Accomplishments:
BA in Scatology at Rimjob State
Master's in Advanced Unpleasantness at Puke University
The Sputum Award
Frequent Renter at Blockbuster

Goals:
EEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!