My Sister In Law Is An Arts And Crafts Maven... Always Making SOMETHING

[arwalden]

and bringing over as a gift. She's really into "country-crafts" and that's nice... but it's just not our style. I'll leave the gift on display for a little while, but (yuk) I just don't like toaster cosy's or country napkin holders or planters or coasters or tissue box holders. STOP IT!

Only, I haven't told her stop it. Should I? Or just I just keep smiling and thanking her and tolerating the countrification of our home (and just slowly let stuff be "retired" or donated to Goodwill)?

-- Allen

"Allen, where's that notepad holder I made for you?"
"I'm sorry, it broke, so I threw it out."
"Oh don't worry about it, I'll make you ANOTHER one."
"That's okay. Don't trouble yourself."
"NO BOTHER at all... I'm glad to do it."

[Spinzonner]

1. Why not just set aside a small corner or shelf somewhere

where you dont have to look at it constantly and rotate her gifts through it.

[arwalden]

2. Good Idea... But Her Gifts Are FUNCTIONAL Crap...

Not so much decorative nic-nacs. The napkin holder OUGHT to be in the kitchen along with the toaster cosy. The toilet paper holder needs to be next to the toilet (full of spare rolls). The soap dish goes in the bathroom for lack of any other appropriate spot. The country nightlight goes in the hallway (fine, it's down low... out of the way). The coasters... functional.

You get the idea. LOL... it's almost funny except that it's frustrating. She's really a dear and I know she loves making them, but it makes me want to scream sometimes.

[Spinzonner]

7. Well, you could tell her you just couldnt bear

to risk getting them soiled or worn out. (Which also keeps her from making another one to replace it.)

Maybe she won't buy it, but then you both will have little lies to keep.

[arwalden]

9. AH! You JUST Gave Me An Idea...

Imgagine the following exchange... would it work?

"Where's that set of coasters I gave you?"

"Oh... Louise (my next door neighbor you haven't met) just ADORED them. She admired them so much that I gave them to her!"

[Spinzonner]

11. Might work a few times

but eventually she might want to see Louise and the coasters.

Of course, you could actually try and give them away but how many other people would want them.

And don't forget, the satisfaction she gets is seeing them in your home and the feeling that you appreciate them and the giving. Getting rid of them - even if you dont throw them out - is unlikely to satisfy that.

I think you need to make a choice here and decide whether family relationships and feelings are more important than your sense of aesthetics.

In the long run, your relationship with her and the rest of her family (who would not want to have her feelings hurt) seems like it ought to be a little more important than some shelf space.

IMHO

[childslibrarian]

3. You are a diplomat of rare wisdom...

I second what Spinzonner said...

Remember, people who do crafts also get alot of fun actually doing the project. Don't tell her she doesn't have to do it--she likes doing it. That's your gift to her...

[MuseRider]

4. Big box.

SIL's name on it. Put it in an easy place to get to and haul stuff out when you know she is coming over. I can't tell you to ask her to stop because I would probably not be able to do it either, especially because she is being nice by doing it for you. She should be able to look around and get a clue. You could get some really odd stuff and put her stuff around it and see if it creeps her out enough to figure it out. Sticky problem. My grandparents were like that, great gifts but really not my style.

[L84TEA]

5. TELL her...

That she could make a killin selling that stuff on eBay...she shouldn't be giving it away!! :-)

[GOPisEvil]

6. I thought you meant Arts and Crafts, meaning "Mission Style" or

"Craftsman Style".

I love that style of furniture.

But...arts and crafts? No thanks. Diplomacy is best. :-)

[Susang]

10. You are such a metrosexual

:P

[GOPisEvil]

17. LOL!

Yes...yes I am. :D

[KT2000]

8. Accept it and then do what you want

Sometimes the craft bug hits people pretty hard. They love to make the stuff and just need people to give it to. If she ever asks about it, be sure to compliment her on her good workmanship but it doesn't fit in with your decor.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

12. I can solve this. I used to be your sister in law.

I am unusually good at making things. (Sorry if that seems like bragging.) I enjoy it so much that I started making things for my brothers at every opportunity. They love me and would kill or be killed for me (only girl in the family), but I was driving them nuts. I didn't realize it, because the stuff I was giving them was high-quality, one-of-a-kind stuff that I spent a LOT of time on. They understood that I put so much effort into the things I made them *because* I love them. It wasn't that they wanted different gifts -- we are a quality-time and hugs family, not an expensive-gifts family -- but it just got to be too much, and it was driving them nuts.

The brother I am closest to solved this after the others griped to him one too many times. He was unwilling to risk hurting my feelings, so he started giving me hints about specific things that they would really like that I could make for them. For example, brother #4 is a Georgia Bulldogs fan. He suggested I make brother #4 something useful with the GA Bulldogs mascot and logo on it. I made him a clock. (Paint it on a salad plate piece of bisque, fire it, use a ceramic bit to put a small hole in the center, and add a clock kit. Voila!) He suggested I make brother #1 something with his company's logo on it. I painted it on two matching mugs. Brother #5 is an animal lover, and I made new food dishes for his pets. Suddenly they were getting things they really liked that still let me spend lots of time and energy, which is important to me as a way of expressing my love.

After about a year of this, brother #2 fessed up that he had been giving me the hints on purpose because I had been driving them all nuts. I gave them all blanket permission to dispose of previous gifts as they saw fit, and we all got a good laugh out of it. :D

So I suggest that you think of something you'd really like and drop a hint. Maybe you'd like a rainbow-flag clock or a hers-and-his or his-and-his set of coffee mugs or something. You know what kind of crafts she's good at. There has to be something you're passionate about that you'd actually like that she could make for you. (My best friend got a Kerry-Edwards cup-thing to put his pens and pencils in on his writing desk.)

I'm sorry this was so long; I just wanted to tell my story in full in case it could help. Best of luck!

:hug:

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

13. Well, um, how close are you to her?

I say be honest, but try to say it in such a way that isn't too hurtful. Something along the lines of that you are trying to live a bit more minimalist and pare down your stuff and so any new stuff just makes it harder?

This is a toughie.

[arwalden]

14. Yep... It's Tough. Okay... what about this scenario:

"Oh it's just lovely! Thank you so much! But where will I put it? It doesn't really go with anything in here...do you think?"

Too rude?

I suppose things could be worse. She's awfully sweet to us and she treats me like Mike and I were legally married. What am I complaining for? (But still. Grrr! LOL! :eyes: )

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

15. I hear ya.

Try it and see what her reaction is. That is the most honest answer, after all.

It's sweet that she's so supportive of the two of you. God knows that's a good thing to have nowdays.

[mondo joe]

16. Tell her you have a kleptomaniac friend!

Just sayt hey're always stealing things, but you're trying to help them through it.

Maybe better your sister not make anything for you until it's safe again!

[flamingyouth]

18. I've had this problem

This is how I handled it. Maybe, maybe not, this works in your case:

I swear I am on every non-profit's list in the Northwest. Every one of them has an auction. So, when the deluge of really "unique" handmade items started coming, I said, "Hey, I hate to ask this of you, but you're SO TALENTED at making things, could you make some stuff that I could donate to XYZ's next annual auction?"

The ego-stroke really helped. She's been knitting and crocheting up a storm, and the charities seem happy.

[arwalden]

19. Ohhhh, Clever! -- Thanks!

I'll have to look for some charity auctions (or invent some).

-- Allen