What to say to Panhandlers

[RPM]

I am in a mid-sized city with a major problem with panhandlers (how they got to be worse than NYC, I will never understand). They are pretty aggresive and I have really begun to dislike them.

I dont believe in rewarding one for shaking a cup - playing a trumpet or singing on the other hand will get me to give quite quickly. What should I say when they stick the cup in my face.

I usually say nothing.
Today I screamed "NOOO!!!" at him.

In a perfect world, I would respond with "you want change, the guy on the last corner had a whole cup-full, you should see him!"

What should i say to these clowns?

[Nestea]

1. Offer to buy them lunch?

I don't like giving people cash but if I am not busy and I am approached by a panhandler and I usually offer to take them to McDonald's or something to eat. You'd be surprised how many people are just looking for a hot meal.

Most of the time, the ones that aren't interested in food want the money for other reasons.

[RPM]

8. these appear to be the commuter style panhandlers

they come to the neighborhood for the college students who seem to forget that their contributions further encourage this behavior

[Susang]

38. How do you know?

Seriously, how do you?

[RPM]

44. they ask for bus fare to get home...

... so, ostensibly they are commuters; I am always tempted to say "don't leave home unless you have a round trip"

[Susang]

48. That's all?

If you're so tempted to say this to them, then why don't you?

[tk2kewl]

9. I once offered to buy a guy a sandwich

he hit me up while I was walking into a deli so I invited him in for a sandwich. He said: "No man! I want Blimpies!" I told him to get lost

[progmom]

65. I used to do the same thing...

...when I worked downtown. There was one woman I bought a bagel for nearly every morning, and another I bought a cheeseburger for nearly every afternoon.

[bearfan454]

2. I ignore them n/t

[Inland]

3. "No, thanks"

A thank you creates enough confusion to allow you past without further comment.

[chiburb]

4. Do they say anything to you first?

You only stated that they shake cups in your face. Also, which ones are the clowns? The trumpet players or the cup shakers who may or may not say anything?

Why say anything at all to people you obviously dislike?

[RPM]

11. More specificially

the clowns are the ones who walk up infront of me, impede my progress down teh sidewalk and shake a cup in my face (about a foot away) while asking.

[mac56]

5. Usually I shake my head and say "Sorry."

Only once or twice have I ever gotten a hostile reply.

[skygazer]

6. Don't say anything

Your level of compassion is touching - while I don't generally give money to everyone I see, I do refrain from judging people I don't know and whose circumstances I am completely unfamiliar with.

Just keep walking - why do you feel you have to say anything? Has it ever occurred to you that it might be humiliating enough to stand on a street begging without being taunted and ridiculed for it?

[chiburb]

15. Thank you. You put that so well... n/t

[VaYallaDawg]

21. My strategy exactly. n/t

[RPM]

45. i dont care if they beg...

... i do not like when they approach and/or obstruct me; many are unstable and have been known to mug in this area. I do not enjoy being put in apprehension for my safety.

[chiburb]

73. Ah! It isn't the begging at all. You're AFRAID of them!!!

Why didn't you just say that in your OP? Something like, "Is anyone else afraid of being mugged by a panhandler"? Or "Does anyone fear that a bum will become unstable and attack without warning"?

Because the way it is, you only come across like a Republican.

[bif]

7. "I don't have any extra money on me right now."

That usually shuts them up.

[Phillycat]

10. I try to be polite. I used to say "No, sorry" but that seemed wrong

because I'm not really sorry. So now I say, "No, but good luck" and firmly keep walking. I've never had a problem being further harassed after that.

BTW, I give money (change) regularly to my personal neighborhood panhandlers who hold the door for me at 7-11 or whatever. I know these guys, even know their names. It doesn't bother me and most likely, if I ever got mugged in my neighborhood (which is highly unlikely) these guys would stick up for me.

[radwriter0555]

12. "How are you today? I don't have much, but you're welcome to this little

bit. I wish it was more, I'm sorry! Have a great day!"

[donheld]

57. You must not run into many

if i did what you do, i'd be broke in a few minutes.

[Heyo]

13. Down here...

...they always give me the story... "Aw man my car broke down, yadda yadda.. I ran out of gas...."

I'm like "Okay, man, where's your car? I've got a gallon of gas in my trunk"..

"Um... uh....well..."

If they are honest, I have no problem breaking them off something if I have it on me.....

Heyo

[chiburb]

14. "playing a trumpet or singing on the other hand ..."

How about a softshoe? Or a tap dance? Yep, sure makes it easy to throw them coins if they've performed for you...

[Susang]

39. Dance monkey, dance!

Makes you feel all warm and snuggly, doesn't it? ;-)

[chiburb]

41. My cup runneth over ...

Glad somebody noticed my point. Glad it was you!

:-)

[philaguy]

16. Donate to an appropriate local charity

... and be done. While you can't tell in any given instance, giving money to people on the street can do more harm than good. There are organizations that can make more effective use of the same money for good. If the person is suffering from a mental illness, there's really no telling how they might react to anything you might say.

When they are looking for a subway token, I've offered to buy a subway token and been refused. Then again, I've seen guys selling subway tokens for cheap, so...

[Feathered Fish]

17. Wear a walkman. n/t

[quisp]

18. I say "sorry, not today, but..."

I'll bring you a sandwich tomorrow. Do you want balony or PB&J." I make 3 people sandwiches just about everyday.

[skygazer]

19. The Way It Is

Standing in line marking time, waiting for the welfare dime
'Cause they can't buy a job
The man in the silk suit hurries by as he catches the poor ladies' eyes
Just for fun he says "get a job"

chorus
That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
Ah, but don't you believe them

They say hey little boy you can't go where the others go
'Cause you don't look like they do
Said hey old man how can you stand to think that way
Did you really think about it before you made the rules
He said, Son

chorus
That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
Ah, but don't you believe them

solo

Well they passed a law in '64 to give those who ain't got a little more
But it only goes so far
Because the law don't change another's mind when all it sees at the hiring time
Is the line on the color bar

chorus

That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
Ah, but don't you believe them

[donheld]

58. What It's Like

Lyrics



We've all seen the man at the liquor store beggin' for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dreadlocked and full of mange
He ask the man for what he could spare with shame in his eyes
Get a job you fuckin' slob's all he replied


God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it's like

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love
He said don't worry about a thing baby doll I'm the man you've been dreamin' of
But three months later he said he won't date her or return her call
And she sweared god damn if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls
And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walkin' through the doors
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore


God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose
Then you really might know what it's like
I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the down side of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
Smoked the finest green
I stroked daddies dimes at least a couple of times
Before I broke their heart
You know where it ends
Yo, it usually depends on where you start

I knew this kid named Max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late at night
Liked to get shit faced
And keep pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight
Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45
Talked some shit
And wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of his pain
You know it crumbles that way
At least that's what they say when you play the game


God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose
Then you really might know what it's like
To have to lose...

[Mizmoon]

20. "Go see Social Services. They can help you."

In NY we are supposed to encourage the panhandlers to go to social services. In our state they even offer emergancy food stamps - you can walk in and walk out an hour later with them in your hand. No one needs to beg, really.

The worst response I ever got was, "FUCK Social Services!" I can live with that.

[MemphisTiger]

22. Just say " I got nothin'"

In my city, if you give one a dollar or something you will get a swarm. It's as if a radar goes off to alert all panhandlers. It can get out of hand really quick.

[UdoKier]

23. I just say "sorry, can't afford it."

Because I can't. When I can afford to buy a modest house and not be so damn deep in debt, I will be more generous, but it's life-and-death right now.

[LeighAnn]

24. Keep a lot of change on hand and consider it a tithe

I wish I knew which Proverb says something like, "When you give to the poor you are lending to God, and He pays wonderful interest on your loan!"

[underpants]

25. No

unless I am going to give them some money or a smoke.

[Bofors]

26. Give more

I usually give them whatever I have in my wallet or pocket at the time. It is usually not much since I am kind of poor. But I am working and know I will earn more.

[donheld]

59. Welcome to Du

:hi:

[quiet.american]

27. After two years of unemployment....

I used to say to them, "Can you help me out?"

Now, I just get a roll of quarters when I get paid and give them out a few at at time to those asking for money until they're used up.

Funny, since I started getting quarters specifically for this purpose, they're never used up. The panhandlers have actually faded away.

[kat21]

28. I know how you feel -

If it's one or two, it's one thing, however, if it's 10-20 that gets to the point of being obnoxious. (That's why I will never work in downtown L.A. again.) I have purchased a burger, fries and a milk for someone that really seemed to have mental problems and didn't even ask for anything so I do have sympathy for them. Is there any alternate route you can take? To be honest with you, if they are actually stepping out in front of you I would report those certain individuals to the police. Remember, most (if not all) cities have laws against panhandling.

[ezod]

29. "Change comes from within."

No eye contact. Keep walking.

[JVS]

54. good one

[dolo amber]

30. I usually say

"Aww, man! I was about to ask you the same thing!"

[sbj405]

31. I wish it were only a shaking cup, guy I walk by every day spouts out

sexually explicit and vulgar things. Not surprisingly his cup is always empty.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

32. I try to meet their stated need

If they want something to eat, I'll buy them a slice of pizza or something, although I've had "hungry" people refuse my offers of food.

However, I'm harsh on people who approach me more than once with stories about how they're going into rehab or housing "tomorrow" and then show up the next day with the same story.

There's a fellow who has worked downtown Portland for years. He's an amputee, and he sits on the sidewalk with his stump showing. However, he actually does have an artificial leg, and I have seen him walking around on his artificial leg in other parts of town. Not to mention the fact that being an amputee is not necessarily an impediment to work.

The Portland transit system sells strips of tickets, so if someone wanted "money for the bus," I'd give them a ticket. However, you'd see panhandlers standing around trying to sell bus tickets, too.

The Twin Cities transit system uses debit cards instead of strips of tickets, and the last time someone asked for "money for the bus" I gave him my bus debit card, which had a little more than one fare left on it.

[freeplessinseattle]

33. I'm constantly conflicted

and estimate I give money out about half the time, it depends I guess, on the "vibe" I get, and truthfully, how much of a hurry I'm in, though I feel snobby, but really, one or two people is no biggie, but every few feet here in Seattle it seems someone's accosting you and it can take forever to go ablock, especially if you have cigarretes. I used to smoke about half pack a day (now about pack/week thanks to Wellbutrin)and it's nearly impossible to find a peaceful place to have smoke break, and then it's a guarantee that as soon as you light up the hordes descend. I could go through a pack in ten minutes this way, and while my habit is stupid and expensive, I have cut down due to the expense and felt like a chump bumming off my friends, so it does kind of annoy me to get accosted by "fellow" addicts who are already irritiable and pushier than others because they're "niccing out"

I do hand out granola bars and bottled water if I'm in my car and see a roadside beggar, and give dollar bills to the regular beggars I see in my neighborhood to, but the few times I've been in a major hurry, nothing on me, or just in a mood not to interact with anyone, they've gotten pissy, and it seems so presumptous and rude to give me an attitude that one time out of ten I don't have anything, but have given them at least 20 bucks each in the last few weeks.

[gollygee]

34. I reach into my pocket and if I have change, I give it to them

and if I don't, I say, "Sorry, I don't have any change today."

It's just a little spare change . . .

[Bertha Venation]

35. I give most panhandlers the benefit of the doubt.

If as you describe they're too aggressive, perhaps you can find a way to ignore them.

As for me, I give when I can.

[ScreamingMeemie]

36. I am perplexed by why you feel a need to say anything. If you want to

give, give and feel good about yourself, no matter what the person does with it. If you don't want to give, don't...just walk away. But, I'd go home and examine exactly why I reacted in this manner. :hi:

[RPM]

46. heres why I am perplexed

1) I dont want to lie - so i refuse to say i have no change
2) I dont want to encourage that behavior - so i refuse to give
3) I dont want to provoke them - so I dont want to say something offensive (use humor here???)
4) I dont want to ignore them - that's disingeous to act like they dont exist
5) I dont want to offend them - so I dont know what to say
6) I do want them to go take advantage of the services that the city, state and local university provide (the third of which I participate in
7) I do want them to behave (i.e. be less threatening and obstructive) so that the neighborhood, city and school can be held in higher regard....

Now - reconcile those concerns

Thats why the post.

[Book Lover]

49. It's nice that you process all that on the inside

but you are not obligated to say anything to someone who interjects themselves into your day. Be like this New Yorker and ignore them.

[GingerSnaps]

37. I buy "Wavy Gravy" lunch when I pass him

He stands in front of the Whole Foods store that I shop at and he is a Vet. He has his dog tags from Viet Nam and he wears ani-Bush buttons.

I started talking to him one day and he seems like a nice man and I felt sorry for him. Every time I go to Whole Foods I buy him a hot Chicken Dinner with a soda. One day the Manager at Whole Foods gave me some fruit to go along with his meal. They noticed that I was taking the bag out and giving it to them man.

I am not looking for God's help or anything good to happen to me because of giving something to him.

If I see a panhandler that has been out in front of a store for 5 years I don't give them anything because they have had time to change their life.

One man that stands in front of another grocery store is now telling every one that he is a Viet Nam Vet and it's bullshit because he had a different story last year and he isn't old enough.

I gave one guy my bus card that was good for another week because he said that he lost his job and he couldn't get to his new job. He looked like he was telling the truth.

I keep money in my pockets to hand out and if it is someone that hasn't been in front of a building for years I will give it to them.

[RPM]

47. I'd be happier if i saw the same guys everyday

then i would feel more confirmed about their condition

[GingerSnaps]

51. I look everyone in face it's rude not to

The guy in front of the other store lives in the apartment building a block down and it's subsidized. What irritates me is he keeps saying that he is a Viet Nam Vet now a year back it was something else. I had to go to the store about 2:00am one night and I passed him and a drug deal was going down. That makes it bad for the others that are out and need help.

I go to a Roman Catholic Church and one Christmas I handed this women $20.00 bucks because she had a few kids sitting on milk crates with her.
After services I went to use the bathroom at the Church and she was in there counting her money. I asked her if she had enough to put money down on an apartment and she told me that she had made $500.00 dollars that day and she didn't need an apartment. If the money was for presents for the kids I would overlook that but she is out there every Sunday with the same sign that she is homeless.

I talk to people that ask for cash on the streets and I look them in the eye. I don't turn away like some people do because they are the same as I am and we are all people.

I have no respect for junkies asking for cash to buy dope.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

68. I called Children's Services on one woman in Portland

because she was always walking the streets in a small area of downtown Portland at night with three kids, telling everyone that she was moving into subsidized housing "tomorrow" and that she needed to buy a Happy Meal for each of the kids. But "tomorrow" never came, and both she and the three children looked awfully clean, well-dressed, and well-fed for being supposedly homeless. (I saw her because I frequently waited at the same bus stop after attending concerts.)

All the children looked alike, including the toddler, so one possibility is that the children's father was sending her out to beg. I knew from my work with street kids that such things happen.

Anyway, the plight of the children, being forced to spend their evenings walking around downtown, got to me and I alerted the authorities.

[GingerSnaps]

75. I feel sorry for the kids

More families are on the streets now.

I was gathering money that weekend to bury my Mom and I felt for her because she had kids and it was freezing cold and it was Christmas time.
I was trying to come up with around $7,000.00 for the plot, coffin and service and this woman pulls out a wad of money and tells me that she made $500.00 that day. Everything was cool with me if she wouldn't have been out in front of the church week after week and now it's going into years. I am sure some of the people that work near my parish have watched her children grow up because she is still there.

We have one man that has his kids out right in front of the river and he puts blankets down. It's very sad and on several occasions I have brought food and blankets out. The kids don't deserve to out in the streets and neither do the parents but if it were my choice I would try and find a relative to leave them with or put them in foster care until I got back on my feet. The kids do the panhandling for their parents and that is even sadder.

[Susang]

40. If I have change, I give it to them

Not my call to judge who is more deserving of it. Either I give it to everyone who asks or no one. I choose to give to everyone who asks, even if it impacts me negatively financially. Who knows what kind of difference I might have made to someone that day?

[Droopy]

42. A friend of mine used to break a 20 buying

cigarettes and coffee in the morning. He would stick a 10 in his pocket and keep the rest of his money in his wallet. If anybody begged him for money he would give them the 10 and that would be all that he gave out for the day. That was his personal policy. He grew up in a poor section of St. Louis and appreciates what it's like not to have any money.

I give money to panhandlers if I have some spare change or a few ones. I do not give out over five dollars because I really can't afford it. If I don't have small change on me or if I have very little money I just say, "Sorry," and move on.

[Sannum]

43. I live in a city,

And I am sometimes harrassed by panhandlers. There is one guy who holds up a sign saying how he needs money and it is his Birthday---EVERY DAY!

I sympathise with many of them, but I would rather donate to Social Services than give them money. There was one guy who was obviously on crack a few weeks ago. I am not a Christian or a Catholic, but there are some nuns that do wonderful charitable work for the poor who are on my bus route. They are the nicest women and I have noticed that they give out cards with the number of the nearest shelter.

For the most part, I just say "sorry" or ignore them.

[limolibral]

50. Panhandlers - No Great Choices

I think everyone has some kind of conflict about this if you live in a large city (or any kind of city); you hate to see human beings in desperate need and you also hate the idea of possibly being "conned." I don't feel particularly great when I give money and I don't feel particularly great when I don't.

I think the only real solution is a strong social welfare net, which unfortunately most of the country doesn't have (and of course it will only get worse under W and the Repukes). However, we can keep agitating for and speaking out on behalf of a government and society that looks out for its people. And we can support organizations that truly better people's lives.

Of course we still have to figure out what to do when we run up against individual cases of people, for one reason or another, are begging in the streets. Maybe we need the reminder.

[RPM]

63. welcome to DU

thank you for capturing what is a large part of my conflict

[Spirochete]

52. Ask them if they know

of a good corner nobody's using, that YOU can work on, because you're broke too. Your conscience will be clear, because it'll be them telling you to piss off - not vice versa.

[JVS]

53. Tell them to go to the cathedral down the street

Make those churches earn that tax-free status

[Lydia Leftcoast]

69. Actually most downtown churches do a LOT for the homeless

The suburban megachurches don't, but the downtown churches do. In most cities, they have a division of labor among themselves by which different churches provide different services. One might make sack lunches, another might provide a drop-in center, another might run a health clinic, and another might run a "free store" for clothing.

I attended a downtown church in Portland and attend another one here in Minneapolis.

You don't know what you're talking about.

[JVS]

74. I meant it sincerely

I am RPM's brother. I know exactly the neighborhood he's talking about and know that there is a Cathedral several blocks from where he usually gets of the bus. There are also several other churches in the area along with the local psychiatric hospital (of course some posit that the psych hospital brings in more trouble than it sorts out). If these people are in need of something the charities are there. They should use them.

[ikojo]

55. It's much easier for me to say no now that I don't carry much

cash. I usually don't have more than enough to get a Mountain Dew since if I need more than that I'll use my debit card. I tell them politely that I don't have any money.

I have offered to buy people food and have had one person take me up on it (I bought him a slice of pizza and a soda) and he seemed very appreciative.

My two biggest fears are breast cancer and homelessness. While I don't always succeed I do try to show compassion to panhandlers.

[miss_kitty]

56. I say "Nice of you to offer, but no thankyou"

:)

[IronLionZion]

60. take them to a fast food restaurant

or soup or whatever. if you have time and ask about their situation. I asked some lady why she doesn't just work at McDonald's and found out that she makes more money than me! Begging actually got her more money than I was making washing dishes at a restaurant! unbelievable! And guess what? The people in BMWs who wear suits give the least or not at all. She got more money from average looking people and young people like me!

And she said when she rides the bus, it's always young peopel who give up their seat. The middle-aged "gentlemen" rarely even look up from their laptops and cell phones.

It has to be so humiliating though. I don't think I could ever take handouts I didn't earn. And I hope to God I never have to.

[IronLionZion]

61. ever watch Half Baked?

Chappelle puts his hand in and pulls a handful out! :P

Or Seinfeld: "Could you spare some change?" "Yup" and keep on walking!

[shanti]

62. just shake my head, avoid eye contact

and say nothing. i catch the train downtown and there is one panhandler who has his spot staked out. every hour or so, he makes his rounds up and down the groups of workers embarking or debarking the train.

if i was going to ever give money to someone, it sure wouldn't be someone that i see every damn day...a couple of times and they EXPECT it.

[slackmaster]

64. Three words that are GUARANTEED to piss off any panhandler

"Get a job!"

:evilgrin:

[Champ]

78. LOL or "I got a spare stamp to mail youself a job application"

I used that when I was younger, but I'm not like that anymore.

[barb162]

66. some are really jerks; once I gave this guy some money and then

he got uppity with me; said he wanted some more. Another time a kid asked me for money and I gave him some, and again the same story. ANother time this woman wanted money but I gave her a sandwich instead. She didn't want it; she told me she just wanted cash. None of them thanked me for what I gave them.

Now most of the time I just smile and shake my head no.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

71. There was one woman in my old neighborhood who was always

asking for money to "do laundry for her grandson." Since I had seen her with a young boy, I believed her.

Then one day there was a blackout in my neighborhood, and I couldn't cook, so I went to the nearest restaurant/bar that was outside the blackout area. It had video poker machines, and there was that woman, intent on her video poker. She was at that machine, just dropping coins into it, never leaving her place except to get more change.

Now compulsive gambling is a sad habit, but I reserve the right not to subsidize it.

[tabasco]

67. I tell them I'm poor too.

That's why they took away my DU star.

Later.

[GingerSnaps]

70. There is one nutty guy that yells at you if you don't give him money

He stands at the end of the block by my grocery store and he asks you for cash. Sometimes all you are carrying is plastic and I told him sorry one time that ask me again if you are here tomorrow night at the same time. He started yelling at me and chasing me down the block and he said "Look bitch the soup kitchen is down the block if you need to eat". I didn't know what he meant until I got down the block further and then I caught on to it and I had to laugh because he was getting back at me for not having any money on me.

I hate when someone tells me "God Bless" and lays a guilt trip on me if i don't have any money on me. There are so many panhandlers where I live that you run out of money to hand out. I make a mental note to give them some cash the next time that I see the ones that aren't rude.

[Kat45]

72. I usually just say, "sorry" and keep on walking.

Sometimes I'll say "Sorry. I've been looking for a job for a year myself."

[Champ]

76. If I have extra change

I give it to them, even gave a guy a dollar when he only asked for 10 cents(I didn't have any change whatsoever) I just try to imagine myself in the same situation and there have been times where I needed to ask others for change. Today in fact, I don't have any bus money to see my g/f today :evilfrown:

[SteppingRazor]

77. Beat them to the punch!

Ask them for cash before they get the chance to ask you.

If they do ask you first and say somethhing like, "Got any change?"
Just say, "No... do you?"