I'm feeling pretty down...

[leftist_rebel1569]

actually, that's an understatement - I feel downright worthless...

and yeah, it's girl troubles again. Except this time, I realized that nothing was gonna happen. I've posted threads about what happened before this, I know...but, it's really starting to hurt all over again...it seemed like she was giving me a chance, but I know she was just playing games with me now. It also feels like i'm at war with myself. Part of me just wants to get over it and get on with life and forget any of this ever happened, like it was a bad dream or something. Yet, part of me keeps reminding me of the underlying feeling of loneliness i've felt for the last 6 or so months, and after (now) 2 failed chances at relationships....i'm just really frustrated with life in general now. After 6 months, all i've gotten was 2 rejections and a friendship put at risk because of how I handled it. I at least got the friend-thing cleared up, but it still hurts after all that.

So, could you guys send me some good vibes? I honestly feel like a bumbling idiot who has no clue what he's doing and getting himself into. And, in a way, I kinda am. I really wish it wasn't this hard, and it wasn't so complicated. My life feels like it's at a standstill right now...

I wish someone could just make it all go away...

[wtmusic]

1. Hang in there

The shit will pass, it might take a long time. You're gonna have to accept that.

I've been married for 14 years and it can be a drag sometimes. But I don't miss those down, alone, dirty 'I miss her' blues.

[sfwriter]

28. Amen brother...EOM

[SoCalDem]

2. Cut her out of your life, for now..

Expand your horizons.. When you least expect it, you will find just who you were looking for.. (lousy syntax, but you get the drift)..

As long as you continue to see "her" all the time, the longer the "wound" will ache.. At your age, absence doe NOT make the heart grow fonder :):)


or...swear off girls for 6 months.. You will probably meet "dreamgirl" in about a week :evilgrin:

[prolesunited]

3. My thoughts

You are spending WAY too much time dwelling on this and obsessing about a relationship. If I recall correctly, you're in high school, right? At this point in your life, there is no need for you to be paired off. You are going to be going through so many changes in the next few years that the girls you think are all that right now, you probably won't want to be with them in the future anyway.

You're wallowing in it. If you sit there and tell yourself how lonely you are, of course, you'll feel like crap. Being alone and being lonely aren't the same thing. I would much rather be alone than wish I was. Think about that.

Instead of feeding this self-destructiveness and self-pity, why not take advantage of your unencumbered time and do things that you enjoy or that would help others? Get a part-time job, volunteer somewhere, learn how to play guitar, read a great book.

Build yourself up and become your own person. You can't define yourself or find your self-worth through another person. Hopefully, this will make some sense to you.

[Name removed]

4. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[grasswire]

5. why does a 16-year-old...

...want a "relationship" anyhoo? Relationships are for twenty-somethings. Your job now is to make friendships with as many people as you can, in order to become a judge of character.

I sense there are some basic loneliness issues here apart from wanting a girlfriend. Concinnity is right. Working toward some personal accomplishments in other interests will give you confidence. And girls will admire a guy who has an air of confidence.

Maybe you could join a couple of clubs?

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

22. Give me a break

Sixteen year olds are very capable and wanting of relationships. For the same reasons twenty-somethings want relationships.

[leftist_rebel1569]

26. are you kidding?

since when can people my age not feel emotions for others? Last time I checked, love was a feeling that didn't matter with age...

[Rhiannon12866]

29. Emotions are paramount at any age. I don't disagree with that

Perhaps what this person meant was that you will get over this and move on more quickly than someone who was in a long-term relationship that failed, that's all. However, none of us must ever discount anyone else's pain, which is all too real.:-(

I cannot believe that you are getting deleted messages on this post, leftist_rebel! I thought that this mostly happened in I/P!:o

[ropi]

6. You can make it all go away.

leftist_rebel1569:

You can make it all go away when you are ready to choose to do it. It's that easy. Why make yourself out to be the victim in the failed relationship? Many do fail, many have successes. Instead of looking at this as a failure, turn it upside down and ask yourself what did I learn, what did I succeed with in the realationship.

Perhaps you need to heal yourself a bit and take a break from dating anyone. I know I had to do that after my breakup. And, yes, it hurts and it does take a long time. It does get better though, truly. If you keep searching for "her" to give you a chance, you are setting "her" up for failure and games because you've not totally healed. Don't do this to yourself or anyone else.

I am sending you good vibes and smiles with this note. Most of all, I am sending you the vibes for you to choose to be happy with yourself (that means searching for it inside and not thorough another). Be good and remember how good you are. You only have to look at the replies to see that there are many who believe in you. Just believe in yourself.

[SmileyBoy]

7. S'all right, man.

No offence to the female DU'ers, but at that age, girls can be downright WEIRD. This girl is no doubt a cock-teaser. I knew a couple of those types in high school. It really sucks when you're trying to establish a relationship, but are nervous and self-conscious. Just keep quitely scoping out the territory, man. Observe how the different girls are like. Then, try to establish contact with a girl whom you've observed to appear very friendly and nice. But BE COOL ABOUT IT. Just casually, non-chalantly take a couple seconds to see what other girls are talking about, and see if you can scope out a friendly ansd attractive one. This girl is obviously a cock-teaser, like I said. She doesn't deserve you if she's gonna be that way.

[Nikia]

8. Things will get better

I know that these feelings can be pretty intense. You are hurt but life goes on. You will get to know many other girls and you might not even know the one who you may want to have a permanent relationship with for a few years or more. You might want to make friends with some girls . That way you will learn to be more comfortable with females and know more about them in general. If things work out, maybe even one of these friends might end up as your girl friend eventually. For now though, focus on making friends and being just friends.

[JohnKleeb]

9. I am sorry

That really sucks, I wont be immature like I was last time. I would love to help you out but you know I am just as unsucessful with girls as you are. Good luck.

[HEyHEY]

10. I hoping I wouldn't have to say this..it usually a last resort.....

Be a man!......fucking forget a bout her..Problem is you don't see yourself as a prize...well from what I gather, you're a pretty good guy and if she don't wanna know ...fuck her

[JohnKleeb]

12. That guy is Trudeau I found out by right clicking

When I first talked to the Canadian DUers they told me he was like your FDR. He seemed like a good guy from what I was told. When I memorize all your PMs like I did with my nation's presidents and I did that when I was 5, I will get back to you on that heh. For Derek:
I hope you find a great girl for you, I am in the searching myself man.

[HEyHEY]

13. Pierre

Was a good PM..I have some problems with him. But all in all he Made this nation

[JohnKleeb]

14. Thats what I am told

Canadian PMs well its not my skill..........yet.

[Maddy McCall]

11. Leftist, here is your plan:

1) make FRIENDSHIPS with as many girls as you can. Take them out on a purely friendship basis...to movies, to clubs, to protest events, to political events, to WHATEVER, but maintain it as friendship.

2) ask girls out that you might not be "attracted" to. Going out as friends on not-really-dates to fun places is a real esteem booster.

3) quit looking for your life-long love now. Just make friends with people--especially girls--and let those relationships build. Perhaps when you really get to know some of these girls, and when you see their hearts and not their outer package, and they you, THEN a mature friendship may blossom into a dating one.

4) GET INVOLVED IN WHATEVER CLUBS ARE AVAILABLE WITH WHICH YOU IDENTIFY! Not to meet girls, but to develop your own interests and identity, so that you won't look toward members of the opposite sex to define yourself.

Once you know what you are, and you develop friends who RESPECT you, you won't care if a girl like the one in your post spurns your advances. You will have real life friends of both sexes to share your happy and sad times. Spend your energy where it is most needed--in defining yourself and in making worthwhile FRIENDS.

Just my 2 cents, and oh how I was in your shoes as a teen.

[ForrestGump]

15. Have to agree with much of what's already been said

Think about taking 'time off' from girls. Nasty, cootie-bearing creatures that they are (and, by the way, it's been nice knowing you....I've got to be running now, to stay ahead of the tar and feather brigade now :o ).

Seriously...women are great and wonderful, which is why we allow ourselves to get so messed up at times as a result of our feelings for them, but as long as you're in the state you're in now the only thing that's likely to happen is that you'll spiral down even worse. I did, for sure, and the only thing that 'saved' me was a concerted effort to back away from the precipice when it loomed again and to forsake any hint of romantic involvement or investment with females for a couple of years. It was NOT because all girls are inherently icky, but because I was not strong enough in that part of my chracter to risk emotional involvement and the likelihood of it being unrequited. I was far better for that break. And I did it when I was a few years older than you, when it was arguably even more hampering - give yourself a break, or at least be open to it, and you may look back on it as one of the best moves you ever made.

As bodacious as girls might be - and here I'm taking for granted their intrinsic worth as human beings and just considering the extra bits that make we males like them so much - they're not all that there is to life. Find yourself and you'll find the girl, or she'll find you.

And, by the way, girls aren't immune to the same kind of feelings that you're experiencing right now. Plenty of them get just as messed up over boys and are just as messed with. It's a human thing.

Good luck, dude. You're not alone - many of us (male and female) have been there and I'm sure that we still remember it all too vividly, if we aren't actually living it now.

[HEyHEY]

16. Wow

That was deep Forrest ;-)

[ForrestGump]

17. You have to watch the deep Forrest, you know....

Bring a flashlight, because it's dark in there, tote a compass or GPS, and always be prepared for sudden changes in weather. :-)

[HEyHEY]

18. I hope the matches in

My boyscout emergency preparedness kit are still good.

[SPICYHOT]

19. yea the shit will pass

but mean while you gonna be like shit...
Go to clubs get happy drunk stoned,everything but don't get stuck in such a bad time

[leftist_rebel1569]

20. Thanks a lot guys

It really means a lot to me, as you already know. This is the first chance I've had today to check DU, so sorry it took me so long to get back. Right now, i'm feeling a lot better. I think that i'm ready to get over it and move on now. I guess I just wanted to thank you all again for your advice.
I LOVE YOU GUYS! :yourock:

[redhead1954]

21. Choice

Rebel,

Please always remember that you have a choice. A choice to be sad, and full of pain or looking to new paths in life that help you grow and mature and become a good and caring human being. I've known for many years that when I'm upset or down about something the best thing to do is go out and find something to do for someone else. That will help you to stop focussing on your discomfort. Go join a young Democrats club and do something good for yourself and others.

Peace be with you,
Red

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

23. Aw lefty...

:loveya:
I hope it gets better for you! Good luck. :)

Maggie

[Lady Freedom]

24. Have you tried...

duck tape?

[linazelle]

25. You are sad and hurt . . . but that's only for now

Take some consolation in the fact that these feelings will pass. Consider doing something constructive with this time of healing. Do you like to paint...have hobbies...??? Try to schedule in some fun time and some reflection time as well. Allow yourself a limited amount of time to reflect on the situation that is causing you so much pain and then force yourself to do something that you like.

Appreciate yourself as well. When you reflect take time to think about the good that you have done. Did you help anyone recently? Have you accomplished anything significant? Are you skilled at something that your are proud of? Are you taking care of your body and your health? Appreciate for any of these things because the more you can appreciate you, the more others can appreciate you too.

There have been days I thought were the worst in my life and that the world was going to end. The world has never ended and I am often amazed when I have a seriously bad day and then wake up the next day refreshed and in a totally different frame of mind.

[Rhiannon12866]

27. leftist_rebel1569, you know I care...

You have gotten some good advice here, although I cringe to imagine what the ``deleted message'' had to say. I was hoping that you were feeling better. One thing that you must remember is that it's normal to feel moody as a teen-ager. Hormones can cause all sorts of feelings that are very intense, but they do pass. I am not trying to dismiss your feelings because I felt them, also. Boys aren't immune to this. Take your time, develop your interests and look elsewhere. Anyone is totally missing the boat if they pass up the chance of knowing better anyone who is an intelligent and has as much to offer as you do. It might help you if you looked at things this way because I believe this is true. It might be really good if you were to expand your horizons. What about those music lessons you were considering? Someone I know is just starting to study piano at 42! It's never too late and the more that you expand your interests, the more people, male and female, that you will meet. I know it is tough, isolated as you are, so school is the ideal place for you to get involved in something new. Just know that I care, okay? I have been there and remember. Let me know that you're going to be okay.:-)