First date question: Should I send a thank you note?

[Pale Blue Dot]

Poll question: First date question: Should I send a thank you note?

Here's the situation. I went on my first "first date" in over a decade on Sunday. I had a decent time, but there was really no "spark". I would be shocked if she doesn't feel the same way. If I had the chance to go out with her again I would, but I don't see any real need to force the issue.

My co-worker says that I absolutely should send her a thank you e-mail. My ex says that because I paid for everything, she should send ME a thank you (I think that is a little extreme).

My fear is that sending her a thank you will indicate that I am more committed to pursuing this than I really am. What would you do? (I did tell her verbally after the date that I had a nice time, BTW.)

[kikiek]

1. If no spark don't fan any flames!

[Crankie Avalon]

2. If you want to see her again contact her...

...if not then don't.

If you can't make up your mind about it, you probably don't really want to see her again, after all.

[terrya]

3. No...a thank you note isn't necessary.

I think you're both on the same wavelength...not to pursue it any farther. A thank you note might send out different signals.

[whodiedandmadeUSgod]

4. No don't send a note.

If she were me I would think that you are interested in pursuing more dates. Careful finnfan don't over do it!

[gardenista]

5. Rule # 1. Don't take advice from your EX, when it comes to dating. nt

[Pale Blue Dot]

6. LOL.

Thanks. I think I have that rule under control. :-)

[gardenista]

11. Good! More power to you! Hope the next one is more sparky.

I can't imagine getting back into dating. It took me about 20 years to get good at it, and then I met my husband, which put an end to all that! LOL!

My sister is just getting back into the game, too, after 15 years of marriage. She's had a few bad experiences, unfortunately, but she won't listen to her big sis, who became rather hardnosed about the whole thing when she hit 34.

It was amazing what happened when I got really clear about what I wanted! Men started coming out of the woodwork!

May the same thing happen to you. Women, that is.

[Pale Blue Dot]

12. Can I have your sister's phone number?

:evilgrin:

[gardenista]

18. LOL! Sure, just call the local Kerry office, and she'll answer the phone!

I guess you have to try all of them, tho, 'cause I ain't telling which one!

I'm so proud of the way she completely turned her life around when her husband left her. She moved across the country and started an entirely new life. She's having a great time volunteering full time for Kerry.

[The empressof all]

7. Absolutely No Note!

Even if you had a spark sending a note is just weird.
If you really connected flowers down the line-say after the second or third date would be sweet.

Maybe I'm out of touch--Is that something you young-uns do now?

[Pale Blue Dot]

10. I ain't that young.

Neither is the woman who said that I should send the Thank you. I'm just being reintroduced to the whole game.

[helnwhls]

8. I think a note is a lovely gesture

unless it is complimenting 17 phone messages, then it's proof for the restraining order.

But seriously, if you want to keep this person as a friend, send the note. Be clear. Tell her you had a nice time and would not mind seeing her again as a friend. Maybe even ask her to give you a call if she wants to see you again. Never doubt the instinct to communicate.

P.S. Kudos to you for doing the dating thing.

[NashVegas]

13. Great Advice Right There

..

Even if she doesn't want you to call, she'll still be insulted that you didn't. (yes, we are odd creatures).

Ending a note with "best wishes" is a nice, subtle hint, IMO.

[Fleshdancer]

9. Trust your gut...

Speaking as a woman, if I went on a date and got a thank you note afterwards with no intention of another date, I would be confused as hell. Please don't send this person on a neurotic guessing game for no reason. Dating doesn't require thank you notes/emails unless you're asking for a second date and it does nothing more than create confusion.

And by the way, congrats on getting back in the game! Good luck :)

on edit: if you had sex with this person, then disregard my post and send the damn thank you note.

[skygazer]

14. Thank you notes don't generally apply to "dates"

A thank you note is normally given upon receipt of a gift or when one has been entertained at someone's home.

A date is usually another type of social obligation altogether. It's predicated on the understanding that it is a mutual experiment, if you will, in how the two get along. If the vibes are good, another date is in order and one or the other will generally indicate at the end whether or not they'll call again.

If it has been left vague or open, chances are the other party does not expect further invitations. A note would only muddy the waters, IMO.

Christ, I sound like Miss Manners!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

15. I'd think it was weird if someone with whom I'd felt no sparks

sent me a thank you note after the first date.

If there had been sparks, you wouldn't be asking this question. The two of you would already have been e-mailing back and forth like crazy.

If you want to stay friendly (she's someone from work, right? Or is that someone else's story?), just say "hi" and talk about the weather the next time you see her.

[Kat45]

16. I've never heard of thank you notes applying to dates,

I'm just getting back into the 'game' myself, so I don't know today's 'rules' either, but I'd still say a thank you note isn't appropriate.

[amazona]

17. a thank you note for a date ?

To my mind, that is just weird. If there was great sex involved, I'd say send over some roses or something, but it sounds like it was just a friendly get-together you don't care to repeat. A "thank you" note --hmm. What is the upside? It isn't a job interview. Either she'll take it as a brush-off -- here's a note, now we need never speak again -- or, as you say, she'll take it as meaning you want more than you do.

[Pretty_in_CodePink]

19. Definitely not - that would be nerdy

and maybe even appear desperate.

[NNadir]

20. I've never heard of sending "thank you" notes for dates.

Then again, it's been a long time since I dated anyone other than my wife, several decades actually, so I probably wouldn't know modern etiquette.