DU Gents: How to pay for the lady

[WillyBrandt]

When the bill comes, and you'd (say) like to pay, but when the awkwardness of manuvering such that you indeed are paying is too much...

Just casually say, "Do you mind if I pay?"

Think about it. It's brilliant.

[Magrittes Pipe]

1. I just leave $50 on the dresser when I leave.

:shrug:

[WillyBrandt]

5. Haha--me too. Usually in quarters tho.

[Bucky]

13. Hey, hookers gotta use the laundrymat too, you know.

[PittPoliSci]

2. well....

i always used to pay, unless I was broke, then I asked my now ex girlfriend if she would, and she would.

[rockymountaindem]

3. The girl I went after this summer wouldn't let me pay for anything.

Man I wish she'd have let me. I'd have taken her to the more expensive places (I had wads of cash from my summer job and nothing and nobody to spend it on), but nooooooo... we had to go to cheap places she could afford on the meager sums her dad gave her. Then she wouldn't even let me pay for a couple eggrolls she ate.

She said she'd "feel bad" and that it was a "control issue". I even got her to laugh one time when I said sarcastically, "you know, if you let me pay for dinner then I'll own you for the rest of your life".

Her slight wierdness aside, she's the most beautiful, elegant, gentle and thoughtful girl I've ever had the honor of spending time with. Now if only I could tell her that face to face...

[Misunderestimator]

12. Doesn't sound like weirdness to me...

I'd say you've met someone really worth knowing. Now... just tell her. :)

[Bernardo de La Paz]

16. Tell her!

she's the most beautiful, elegant, gentle and thoughtful girl I've ever had the honor of spending time with. Now if only I could tell her that face to face...

Get her to a calm place, and then just tell her. Tell her you don't know how to tell her, but say exactly what you said here. However it turns out, you'll feel better for having said it.

You can be shy about it, but tell her. You can say things like, "I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times, but I'm compelled to say it, ...".

[rockymountaindem]

17. Easier said than done.

She's extremely shy and is by her own admission "afraid of boys". I'm afraid to scare her off. I'd be really upset if I never got to talk to her again at all.

[Misunderestimator]

18. Why would complimenting the qualities you appreciate scare her off?

Really, you should just tell her. Don't say that she's your soul-mate, or that you want to spend your life with her, or that you're in love with her. If she seems uncomfortable after you say those things, just say something like "I just wanted you to know this... not as a come-on, just as appreciation" then move on to another subject. I'd suggest even thinking about what the other subject would be beforehand, since your mind won't be on anything else, and you don't want to make her uncomfortable with a long, awkward silence.

Heck, I wouldn't mind a guy telling me those things you mentioned even though hell would freeze over before I'd let it go any farther. :)

[Beware the Beast Man]

4. I don't believe in traditional roles.

I make her pay. :silly:

[Union Thug]

6. Like any other time you offer to pick up the tab.. for me, it's...

..."I got it..."

Not sure why it need to be made any more complex than that. As regards the relationship angle, she's ostensibly a friend before she's anything else. Treat her that way.

[WillyBrandt]

7. Because it's more sensitive to her

She doesn't want to feel as though she's kept, or isn't an independent woman or whatever.

By saying "Do you mind if I pay?" you're almost letting her feel as though she's doing you a favor by giving up those reservations and allowing you to be a gentleman. It makes it easier for all concerned.

"I got it" can work, but in the wrong situation can be just crass.

[Union Thug]

10. add...'you get it next time...' and smile =)

Maybe I'm just too old to get it, but when did people become overly sensitive to restaraunt tabs?

Yer weirdin' me out, man... :-)

[WillyBrandt]

11. Well, it really happens. A lot of young women

like to feel that they are independent women, and take a guy paying for their tab as a bit offensive to their self-image.

Note, this is on a formal first-few-dates thing, not intra-relationship.

[Lefty48197]

8. You mean you don't hand over the checkbook and credit cards after the

first date?

[Robb]

9. "My turn."

As with any friends I go out with, I take turns paying for food. Easier on waitstaff than splitting, or multiple tickets. The assumption is always there that there'll be a next time, too. :)

[JohnKleeb]

14. *gets out notepad, writes down* thanks!

[Bucky]

15. Maybe I'm just getting older, but I don't run into this problem any more

It's kind of an 90s sort of problem, sort of like how opening a door for a lady was an 80s problem that everyone pretty much got over.