Hundreds of Republicans Injured in Rush to Discredit Kerry

[Chovexani]

WASHINGTON, DC— George Washington Memorial Hospital is struggling to deal with an influx of Republicans with concussions, broken bones, and internal injuries suffered during the recent stampede to discredit Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry, emergency-room personnel reported Monday.

"Triage is in utter chaos," paramedic Gerald Polder said. "This guy in a suit came in with multiple contusions, a subdural hematoma, and a broken nose. I asked how badly it hurt to bend his knee, on a scale of 1 to 10, and he said, 'I'm hurt worse than Kerry was when he got his Purple Hearts.' That's not helpful."

Polder said he has not seen so many right-wing injuries since the late '90s, when hundreds of Republicans were hurt climbing on and off the Newt Gingrich bandwagon.

While squashed toes have been the most common injury, the more dramatic include the skull and spine fractures suffered by an elderly senator who was trampled in the mad dash to smear, bash, and cast aspersions on Kerry. Many of those bearing sound bites also have dislocated joints in those places where their fingers were pried from microphones.

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4036

Is it nuts that I think The Onion really IS America's finest news source? (Besides the Daily Show)

[tom_paine]

1. Not nuts. Sad for all of us

You are exaggerating, but only slightly.

[Chovexani]

3. Messed up, isn't it?

It's beyond pathetic that if you want actual news, you have to turn on a comedy channel.

It's like in Harry Potter when the only media that was reporting the truth about Voldemort was the Quibbler (the wizard version of the Weekly World News).

[the Kelly Gang]

2. will they distribute Purple Heart bandaids for their wounds?

[happyasaclam]

4. haha

That is funny until you actually think about it....then it's just sad