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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-13-04 03:19 PM
Original message
Shoplifter of the Week
We'll call my loss prevention guy "Joe" although that is not his name, because it's not good to pass out LPS's real names.

Anyway, this morning Joe asked me to stand at the end of the hand-tool aisle and not let anyone out. "There's a shoplifter in this aisle. I know him because he was a manager at Wal-Mart when I was there. (Turns out he still was a manager at Wal-Mart, but probably not anymore.) It's that guy right there, make sure he doesn't get past you. If you'd like, we can move in on him."

Joe and I get to within five feet of the shoplifter and Joe starts talking real loud about how much he loves to catch shoplifters and make sure they go to jail. This guy just kept right on shoplifting, no reaction or anything.

Anyway, Joe and I catch the shoplifter--it wasn't hard--and take him back to the office to wait for the police to arrive. Joe opens the shoplifter's bag and removes the merchandise: six hammers. A box of hammers contains six of them.

So tell me, if you steal a box of hammers are you as dumb as one?
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-13-04 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
1. How do you fence a hammer?
:shrug:

That is dripping with irony.
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-13-04 06:35 PM
Response to Reply #1
8. What to do with a stolen hammer
Before we had Joe, shoplifters would take things that weren't very large, like hammers, return them for store credit (you receive this if you're trying to make a return with no receipt, which you wouldn't have if you stole what you're returning), and repeat this until they had enough store credit saved up to buy something pawnable.

One of my favorite shoplifters: We keep the special-order shingles behind the building. This fucking guy stole nine bundles of S/O ridge cap shingles, which cost $35 per bundle. He then returned them for store credit. One of my guys went to Returns, picked up the nine bundles of "returned" shingles, then put them back out on the skid for the customer who paid for them to pick them up. An hour later, the same guy went behind the building, stole THE SAME NINE BUNDLES OF SHINGLES, and returned them for credit--by then we'd had shift change and a new cashier was on duty. Okay, so he walks out the door with another $315 in ill-gotten store credit. This time I went to Returns...I called my manager: "Brian, you remember the nine bundles of shingles someone ripped off and returned? They're back again." We turned the bundles upside down and painted the bottoms of the bundles orange before putting them back out on the skid. And an hour later...yes, he stole the SAME NINE BUNDLES OF FUCKING SHINGLES AGAIN! There were a number of special orders with ridge-cap shingles (the most expensive kind) on them, some easier to get to than this particular order, but he kept stealing these same shingles. When he walked into the store to return the nine bundles of shingles the third time, we had a few people waiting for him--the store manager, the building materials manager, and the cop who works out of the police substation at Target, which is next to us. (Fraudulent Returns is a felony in this state; he got two years.)
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GOPisEvil Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-13-04 03:26 PM
Response to Original message
2. If you're going to steal tools, steal POWER tools!
What a moran!
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Commie Pinko Dirtbag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-13-04 03:27 PM
Response to Original message
3. Great. Now The Smiths are looping in my head.
Unite and take over...
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Ready4Change Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-13-04 03:51 PM
Response to Original message
4. What brand of hammers does Wallmart carry?
Wonder if they were low on stock.
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-13-04 06:36 PM
Response to Reply #4
9. They don't have the brand this idiot was stealing
We have a few house brands...he was taking Work Force hammers, which are the absolute cheapest hammers you can get. Christ! If you're gonna stand next to the loss-prevention specialist and steal hammers, steal Estwings which are expensive.
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MadHound Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-13-04 04:32 PM
Response to Original message
5. Sounds like an amateur to me
Back in the day I boosted for a living. Walked out clean with a canoe one time. Power tools too. It isn't the obvious ones you've got to worry about, it is the seemingly normal shoppers that you've got to watch.

But I gave that up decades ago. Still, I find myself casing a store out every now and then. Old habits and all.
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CO Liberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-13-04 04:35 PM
Response to Original message
6. Reminds Me Of the One-Fingered Pickpocket....
...who could only steal Life Savers.

Barump-BUMP!!! *** cymbal ***

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week...
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TrogL Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-13-04 04:49 PM
Response to Original message
7. Were they in a sack?
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