I'm writing a horrible piece of shit...need help

[HEyHEY]

This guy is defending himself and doing a terrible job... it's the guy whose opening question when cross-examining a witness was "Why do you hate me so much"

See, I think the story is the courtroom shenanigans, but I'm having trouble writing the actual incident and stuff. Plus in general the story is written like shit...so any advice? Be as harsh as you want.


A Provincial Court Judge has rescheduled the trial of Zorobach for another date due to Zorobach's lack of witnesses. The next trial will take place via video conference in Penticton at a later date.
Zorobach was on trial for charges of resisting arrest and creating a public disturbance in front of his Hedley home last summer. Crown prosecutor Brent Bagnall called only two witnesses to the stand. Donald Armstrong, Zorobach's neighbour and arresting officer Darren Kokune.
According to a police report and witnesses, trouble started when Zorobach allegedly walked down his street slapping the back of his hand into the palm of his other hand threatening to kill his neighbour's cats, which he alleges killed some of his chickens. The neighbour Zorobach was addressing had only lived in the neighbourhood for "two and a half hours" and was "at least in her 70s" according to Armstrong.
After the initial confrontation, the woman phoned the police from Armstrong's house and twenty minutes later three officers arrived. According to Armstrong the police spoke to Zorobach and the woman then two of them left leaving officer Kokune. As he was prepared to leave it's alleged Zorobach came out of his house towards Kokune yelling threats.
"I rolled my window down halfway to speak to him in case he was going to attempt to grab me," says Kokune. "As he became more hostile I was concerned for the safety of myself and others."
At that point Kokune says he warned Zorobach he would be arrested for creating a disturbance if he did not return to his house. Zorobach allegedly refused to comply and Kokune then got out of his cruiser to make an arrest.
"I grabbed his arm, it was a hot day and he was sweaty," says Kokune. "He tried to walk back to his house and I began to lose my hold on him."
Kokune says he attempted to stop Zorobach with pepper spray and by attempting to sweep his feet out from underneath him.

[BigMcLargehuge]

1. here, see if this helps.

See, I think the story is the courtroom shenanigans, but I'm having trouble writing the actual incident and stuff. Plus in general the story is written like shit...so any advice? Be as harsh as you want.


A Provincial Court Judge has rescheduled the trial of Zorobach to a later date due to Zorobach's lack of witnesses.

Zorobach is being tried allegedly resisting arrest and creating a public disturbance last summer in front of his Hedley home.

Crown prosecutor Brent Bagnall called only two witnesses to the stand; Donald Armstrong, Zorobach's neighbour and Darren Kokune, the arresting officer.

According to a police report and witnesses, trouble started when Zorobach allegedly walked down his street slapping the back of his hand into the palm of his other hand threatening to kill his neighbour's cats, which he alleges killed some of his chickens.

The alleged victim of Zorobach’s threatening behaviour had only lived in the neighbourhood for "two and a half hours" and was "at least in her 70s" according to Armstrong.

After the initial confrontation, the woman phoned the police from Armstrong's house. Officers arrived twenty minutes later.

According to Armstrong the police spoke to Zorobach and the woman then two of them left leaving officer Kokune. As he was prepared to leave it's alleged Zorobach came out of his house towards Kokune yelling threats.

"I rolled my window down halfway to speak to him in case he was going to attempt to grab me," says Kokune. "As he became more hostile I was concerned for the safety of myself and others."

At that point Kokune says he warned Zorobach he would be arrested for creating a disturbance if he did not return to his house. Zorobach allegedly refused to comply and Kokune then got out of his cruiser to make an arrest.

"I grabbed his arm, it was a hot day and he was sweaty," says Kokune. "He tried to walk back to his house and I began to lose my hold on him."

Kokune says he attempted to stop Zorobach with pepper spray and by attempting to sweep his feet out from underneath him.

[HEyHEY]

2. good idears

"The alleged victim of Zorobach’s threatening behaviour had only lived in the neighbourhood for "two and a half hours" and was "at least in her 70s" according to Armstrong."

- I like that change the best

But I think I may have to start again. :-(

[BigMcLargehuge]

4. good luck man

might help to put Zorbach's first name in the first sentence... Unless he's, you know, like Madonna or Prince, only crazy and obsessed with chicken killing cats.

[HEyHEY]

6. haha, yeah, I just forgot what it was and don't seem to have it in my note

;-) gotta find out tomorrow!

[alphafemale]

3. Diagram it out like a flow-chart - or family tree

Who is actually making decisions how would that affect others?

[HEyHEY]

5. I always suck at court reporting

I just end up with an info overload and no clue what to do with all of it

[alphafemale]

7. The mental images are compelling. But the multiple shifts in P.O.V.--

could confuse some readers.

Plus, it is a HUGE amount of info.

Try giving it voice as it would be relayed by one of the various P.O.V's. i.e. Prosecuting Attorney, Defense Attorney, Judge, witness, member of the jury, gallery member, town gossip, family member of one of the key players.

Of course they'd all relate the info differently.

They'd emphasize different parts of the tale to justify their P.O.V.

Play around with those voices. Scratch it out in various ways; as the person would relate to their friend, their spouse, a reporter, or one seeking atonement on their death-bed.

But, I'm not a Professional by any means. I write solely for the enjoyment of myself, and those closest to me.

Feel free to POOP ON! anything I say.