Worst *art house* movie?

[sundog]

There is a popular misconception that just because a film qualifies as "art house" it is automatically good.

While many are worthy of praise, there are some truly terrible films hiding under a gauze of pretense.

What was the worst one for you?

The one that sticks out in my mind recently is called "The Golden Bowl." It has Uma Thurman in it. It's about 20 hours long, it never ends, the big emotional crux is a bowl that falls off a fireplace mantle. There's not even a decent sex scene in it to keep things moving along.

Awful. Just awful. I wanted to crawl onto the screen & personally break the friggin bowl with a sledgehammer. Ahhh! Never again.

Please share your horrible art house movie experience.

[sui generis]

1. does house of 10,000 Corpses count as art house? /nt

[lilymidnite]

2. Eraserhead

... just revolting

[Myrina]

3. Saw "The Door In The Floor "

I love Jeff Bridges to death, but this movie was totally wierd.
It seemed like they started filming in the middle of a story, then
ended filming before the resolution of whatever 'issues'.

Just, wierd.

[XNASA]

4. I really never found "Eraserhead" all that interesting.

I suffered through it a couple of times, but find it pretty wretched.

[EstimatedProphet]

5. Mulholland Drive

WHY? WHY? WHY OH WHY? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

[sundog]

8. MD was brilliant imho

--

[midnight armadillo]

48. Amen

Mulholland Drive - I swear that director (whose name escapes me) just makes it up as he goes along and trusts his fans will read into to it all the 'depth' and 'symbolism' they need to try to make sense of it. What a waste of two hours that flick was.

[Richardo]

6. <gets into anti-flame suit>: "Eraserhead"

What a load! x(

OK: Flame on!

[Aristus]

7. Does it count if I haven't seen it?

I saw that film with John Malkovich and Willem Dafoe about the making of the 1922 'Nosferatu' and the plot device which suggested that Max Schrek was a real vampire.

Anyway, the DVD had previews of other films by the same director, and one of them was simply a montage of people writhing in agony. It was really strange, the film was highly overexposed and the people were anonymous, vaguely human black shapes. It was very disturbing. Two hours of people writhing in agony?

Anybody ever even SEE this film? And if so, what the HELL was it about?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

9. The Blair Witch Project? Yeah, I saw that.

Not so much.

[Aristus]

10. Ha-ha

:eyes: No that wasn't it. But thank you for playing.

[sui generis]

12. Shadow of the Vampire was brilliant

my art-dar definitely went off (kind of like gaydar: is it is or ain't it). Admittedly subjective, but you know it when you see it.

[Aristus]

14. Yeah, I liked "Shadow Of The Vampire", although my wife was

creeped out by it. But did you see the director's other film? The one described, as best I can, above? Hmm? I wanna know what that was supposed to be about.

[sui generis]

17. I dimly remember something like that

with the writhing bodies, and it was even reviewed somewhere, but never saw the full feature though - sorry can't help you there.

[Bridget Burke]

18. Director E Elias Merhige, according to IMDB.COM

Five films are listed before "Shadow of the Vampire". Only two include any details:

* "Anti-Christ Superstar" with Marilyn Manson in the title role

* "Begotten" starring Brian Salzberg (?) as "God Killing Himself"

I liked "Shadow of the Vampire" myself but will not be adding those two to my Netflix queue.

[Mara Steele]

19. LOVED that movie

But then, I love John Malkovich & anything he does.

[fudge stripe cookays]

15. I loved it!

"Shadow of the Vampire", I think it was.

Great premise!

Yes, it was about the making of "Nosferatu" in 1922, (based on Dracula. The writer, FW Murnau, was sued by Bram Stoker's widow because it was such a blatant copy)

The director needs a really good "vampire-looking" guy, so he hires Max Schreck. Only according to the movie, Schreck really IS a vampire, and starts sucking on the crew.

But the director really likes the look of the guy for the movie, so for artistic purposes, he keeps him. He just has to keep striking bargains with the guy not to suck everyone dry before the end of the movie.

Dark humor and cool cinematography too.

[LynneSin]

11. Bad Lieutenant

Just awful!

[sundog]

13. I saw that-

Harvey "did his business" in front of two girls after he pulled them over for speeding

[NashVegas]

35. I Loved That Movie

But then, I was raised Catholic, with issues.

[fudge stripe cookays]

16. Anything directed by Peter Greenaway.

I don't see what the big deal is.

[sundog]

23. aww, c'mon... Greenaway's stuff is wild...

so completely whacked... I love it

[tigereye]

24. yeah I have mixed feelings about Greenaway

like THe cook, the Thief, His Wife and her Lover.. was that the title? ALways get it confused. We rented the Pillow Book over the weekend and although it was visually arresting, it really demanded your attention - more than some films.

Also Memento left me cold. And with a headache. I admit it, I like narrative.

[fudge stripe cookays]

28. I'm with you on Memento.

The constant repeating of scenes, back and forth and back and forth....is it now? Is it then?

Total bullshit. I hated it and didn't even finish watching it.

[tigereye]

34. thanks FSC

that makes me feel better. I did watch it all... and then I said, WTF?
It was a clever idea, but.

[Kat45]

38. I loved "Memento"

Had to concentrate pretty hard, but it was worth it. Had one of those moments of realization near the end where I said "Whoa!" I saw it a second time to get an even better sense of it, and it confirmed my original viewing.

[sundog]

40. Agree on Momento -- thought I was the only one who didn't dig it

all the praise it got, I just ended up falling asleep

[frylock]

20. chuck & buck..

fuck & suck. Scarred me for life.

[Dukkha]

21. Nadja

stupid vampire whine fest

I swear I felt like I was watching a 2 hour Calvin Klein ad.

[sundog]

22. Oh my goodness I almost forgot "In the Cut" -- all the warnings would NOT

deter me

and it was much worse than I expected

Mark Ruffalo's free willie was the only thing that saved those two hours of my life

[tigereye]

25. oh too bad

it was on my naughty films list... not worth it?

[Lavender Brown]

42. it's awful

the blood and gore are really over the top, and the sex is more scary than sexy.

[sundog]

43. no, if you want

erotic art house films, you can do MUCH better --

try "Sex & Lucia" (Lucia y el sexo) - a Spanish movie from a couple years ago

[tigereye]

60. Yo Tu Mama Tambien

was pretty erotic and MArxist to boot! I did like that one.

[noonwitch]

50. I read the book, so I had no desire to see the movie

I thought the book would be better than it was, and was disappointed in the ending.

[terrya]

26. "Run Lola Run". A major league crapfest, says I.

Overrated claptrap, IMO.

[AngryAmish]

30. Run Lola Run was fun

I suppose I saw it in an arthouse type theatre, but the only reason why was becasue it was foreign. Vacant fun. But a good movie.

[CJCRANE]

31. I actually quite liked that one.

I even quite liked "Gerry" which I mentioned above, even tho it seems like 5 hours long (only about 90 mins).

[MotorCityMan]

32. I LOVED "Run Lola Run"!

I have watched it quite a few times now, and have gotten more out of it every time. A truly different film.

I am surprised so many people liked "Shadow of the Vampire". Bored me to tears, although I thought Dafoe gave a great performance.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

61. Damn

I LOVED Run, Lola, Run and so did my husband and in-laws.

Ah well. Can't please 'em all.

[CJCRANE]

27. "Gerry" with Matt Damon & Casey Affleck

On the blurb it sounds like a buddy movie but in actual fact it's more like the kind of movie they project onto the walls in arthouse cafes, very little dialogue and lots of almost abstract desert landscapes.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

29. 'Heavy' with Liv Tyler, Evan Dando and some other losers.

[ceile]

33. Being John Malkovitch

[Flaxbee]

36. yeah, Being John Malkovitch didn't do it for me, either...

but I loved Adaptation. So, go figure.

[MotorCityMan]

52. Reverse for me...

I really liked "Being John Malkovich" and did not like "Adaptation"

[Caution]

37. Pretty much all of Andy Warhol's craptastic "films"

[Tweed]

39. Beat me to it

I couldn't agree more

[sundog]

41. Ahhhhhhh! Don't you DARE! Look at my friggin avatar :)

--

[Caution]

44. Warhol only produced this film (ie ponied up cash)

I'm talking about the stuff he "directed"

(although "Trash" is an appropriate name for that one :evilgrin:

[sundog]

45. Yeah, I know... Paul Morrissey actually *directed* all of those

though each title was preceded with "Andy Warhol's______" He had a falling out with Morrissey later I believe, and current releases don't have Andy before the title.

Now, I *have not* seen any of the stuff he actually directed, though the movie "I Shot Andy Warhol" touched on some of it

[Caution]

46. if, as i do, you actually *like* really beyond belief bad films

you owe it to yourself to see some of his stuff. His crap is so ego driven and so bad you just have to laugh or cringe throughout at how ridiculous it is (and not ridiculous as a statement by warhol).

[sundog]

47. bad beyond belief are my fave films

Showgirls is also a classic

[Caution]

49. showgirls is an all-time classic of bad filmmaking

i wish MST3K could have used that film (uncut of course). Get yourself some warhol films and be prepared!

[sundog]

56. The Exorcist II -The Heretic is also an interesting train wreck to observe

the "synchronizer" with 2 GE lightbulbs, the swarm of locusts converging on DC (foreshadowing of the Bush administration) and the disco music as Linda Blair emerges from the house as the finale -- the frightening part is that John Boorman directed it -- coming off of Deliverance, that's a scary landslide -- also a pifall in Louise Fletcher's career

[MotorCityMan]

54. Showgirls is a riot!

I actually originally saw it at the theater. I went the day before to see Seven, which I liked but it was really disturbing. So the next day called my best friend and said let's go see Showgirls. I KNEW it was going to be a "What the HELL were they thinking?" and a "so bad it's good" type of movie.

The one problem I have with it is the rape scene. WAY too graphic and it doesn't fit in the movie at all. It happens to the ONLY truly nice charactor, also.

Anytime my friend and I are at one of the dance clubs, one of us will do that stupid hand-waving move that they showed in the movie repeatedly.

[Tom Kitten]

51. In the Realm of the Senses

I saw it in college....it made sex seem boring, all you do is watch two people doing it for a couple of hours and then it climaxes with a really graphic close-up depiction of the woman cutting off the man's penis and testicles...The end...

[jpgray]

53. Ghost World--what a waste of film that was

Some funny parts, but if you want a definition of paint-by-numbers indie isolation film-making, that would be it. It's not a bad movie, but it can't begin to overcome its own pretensions. Lost in Translation is a good recent example of the same tired shtick.

[UdoKier]

55. The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover.

Blech. Lots of art-house stuff is crap.

Miramax being bought out by Disney dealt a big blow to the genre, IMO...

[giant_robot]

57. "Songs from the Second Floor"

Nobody does boring and depressing better than the scandanavians. Bleeech! :puke:

[jbane]

58. "Breaking The Waves"

Totally depressing piece of Euro-crap and I PICKED IT OUT! Second place goes to
"Sense and Sensability". I'd rather drag a tiger through hell carrying a bucket of gasoline than see either one them again.

[pbg]

59. SALO, by Pier Paolo Pasolini

Not bad stupid, but unrelentingly horrible from the opening credits. Torture, homosexual rape, forcing people (mainly children) to eat excrement, and murder.
At the theater where I saw it, the film broke, and I could tell the viewers around me were half-wishing the print was completely trashed, and we could leave--but no such luck.
That was a real test of the "I'm a sophisticate and NEVER walk out of an art-film" attitude.
(The story is that Pasolini was murdered by one of the cast members. After seeing the film, I understood why.)
DON'T see this one.