It's summer - share some funny family road trip stories with us

[flamingyouth]

Most years we'd drive down from Seattle to the Bay Area to see our good friends. I always looked forward to this, except:

My dad was one of the dads who insisted that we get up at like 3:30 am to start our drive. Apparently this was so we "could be there by dinner," but the way he drove (and still does) we usually got there in time for the senior early-bird special. And my mom and I could not stop to pee until we got to Salem, I swear. It was insane. I can't tell you how many times I've used the facilities at the Denny's off I-5 in Salem.

One year my dad got frustrated by how the ice chest "sounded" as it rubbed against the back seat, and he insisted we throw it out in a dumpster before we even got on the freeway. We picked up a new, apparently "better-sounding" one when we hit Portland.

My dad is not that really that bad - just, whatever you do, don't get in the car with him. Other than that, you'll be fine.

Edit - how could I forget??? This was all in the '70s!!! So, no tapes, no CDs, and my mom always joked that all Oregon Am stations had some deal where they had to play Neil Sedaka at least twice per hour!:D

[GOPisEvil]

1. We made two cross-country trips when I was young.

We moved from IL to Hawaii (no, we didn't drive to Hawaii, we drove to San Francisco) and from Hawaii to Texas (driving from LA to Texas).

My dad was one of those "on a schedule" dads. We spent a grand total of 1 hour at Yellowstone, and even though we spent a night in Flagstaff, AZ, we DID NOT see the Grand Canyon. :mad:

My dad's a great guy too, and now that he is retired, he tries to see EVERYTHING when on vacation. Too bad I got the "before".

[flamingyouth]

2. LOL - are we cousins?

I didn't realize my dad had a brother.:D

[Pale Blue Dot]

3. Ohhh.. I hear laughter in the rain!

This has given me a great idea - ice chests that emit soothing nature sounds. Imagine driving to the Bay area with the sound of waves pounding the surf, or birds signing to you.

I have to go file a patent now. Remember, it was my idea first!

[flamingyouth]

5. LOL- yeah, you've finally found that way to send Kevin to college!

What a great idea! Not only the soothing nature sounds, but also icy cold Diet Pepsi - what better product could be out there?

I think it took seeing and loving Almost Famous before I could listen to "Tiny Dancer" without thinking of those trips!:hi:

[fudge stripe cookays]

4. Ha!

I used to know I-35 from Austin to San Antonio like the back of my hand, and then from San Antonio to Weslaco on this crappy little 2 lane highway.

We drove through some podunk towns, I can tell you. In our big ole dark green 1970 Kingswood station wagon (that my mom named Nellie-Belle).

I'd set up my Barbies in the back cargo area and have a blast.

In 1979, when all the gas stations were beginning to switch to Self Service, my mom panicked because she had no idea how to pump gas. She made my dad show her at some crappy little service station in George West, Texas. And it's funny now because it's something so easy that none of us even think about it anymore.

My dad, seeing the dry humor in almost everything, began instructing her very seriously. "Now make sure everything is safe. No smoking, and be very careful not to create any sparks."

Mom had her head cocked, listening intently to every word, not wanting to miss a thing.

"Pull the nozzle off the pump."
She nodded.
"Now stick the nozzle in your ear," and he demonstrated.

I thought my mom was going to beat him to death with her purse.

"JOHN!!!!"

I laughed my ass off among my Barbies.

[fudge stripe cookays]

6. Oh and the songs that I specifically remember....

were "Jack and Jill" by Raydio, "with a Little Luck" by wings, and "Does Your Mother Know" by ABBA.

All interesting choices to go with the passing billboards for Natural Bridge Caverns and Snake Farm!

[flamingyouth]

8. Right on - that's a great story

Exactly what I'm looking for here.:D

We drove in our 1971 Ford Galaxie 500 sedan. In keeping with the '70s, naturally, ours too was green!:D

[eyesroll]

20. Since our road trips were in the early-mid 80s, the only possible vehicle

was a faux-wood-paneled station wagon.

[flamingyouth]

26. Naturally

Nothing beats that luxurious faux-wood.

You might be a little young, but do you recall the fine Corinthian leather of the Chrysler Cordova? (I think?)? lol:D

[eyesroll]

32. I remember advertisements for Corinthian leather...

I also remember my mom's Dodge Dart from the late 70s. :D

[Fenris]

7. Oh, the stories I know

My fondest memory of traveling was coming back to Texas with my grandparents and my family after going to visit relatives in North Carolina. We made very good time, but my grandmother is a raging alcoholic and had to stop every day at four o'clock sharp so she could drink. So, although we were only about a half an hour outside of Pensacola, they had to stop in Defuniak Springs, a town of about 7000. They had a Best Western there, and man, was it a charmer. Stench of cigarettes and roaches all over the place. Plus, my grandparents refused to go out to find something to eat. Why go out when you can eat at this filthy motel? Yeah. It was sick. Everything was fried, and everything tasted a few years past its expiration date. That night, all six of us vomited.

Memorieeeeeees!:D

[flamingyouth]

10. Sounds delightful

Ever been to the Madonna Inn in San Luis Obispo? I'm getting that vibe by this description. But the Best Western probably doesn't have a caveman room.:(

[Fenris]

12. I've peed at the Madonna several times

We used to hit it on our way back to Moorpark from Cambria. The bathrooms were so tacky it was a treat to stop there.:D

This place was just gross though, and not in a campy way.

[flamingyouth]

13. It smells like mildew too

And they don't get their non-camp style. When my girlfriends and I stopped there to pee (on our way from LA to Cambria - it's a natural pee-stop) we considered getting a drink. But it was so horrible.

It just reminded me of the time in college I tried to ward off a hangover with Pepto-Bismol and I, well, you get the picture...:D

[Fenris]

15. Yeah, pink is a bad color for a "hotel"

It's like staying in Barbie's Dreamhouse.

[flamingyouth]

16. If Barbie's Dreamhouse is also really full of itself

We could not believe the gift shop - wow, they really think they're something here. Amazing.

The guy (Jack?) Madonna just recently died and they ran a big obit in the NY Times; naturally they featured the caveman room in the photo essay.:D

[Fenris]

21. "Hotel owner Jack Madonna died today..."

"We was buried in a loincloth inside a pink coffin covered in pink lace. His final request was to be buried in a tasteful manner."

[flamingyouth]

24. With a bottle of Chivas Regal

:D

[eyesroll]

9. Are our dads related?

Mine had this insane belief that all human bladders operate the same way -- that is, on a once-every-four-hours schedule.

Vacations were a real trip with my parents -- my dad was wedded to AAA, their Guidebooks and Triptychs (or however they're spelled). AAA was God. So, when we pulled into a hotel in Montreal, even when it seemed strange that all the ladies outside were wearing really short skirts and really tight tops, he went right to the check in desk, because it was AAA rated. He never did check in, though -- apparently AAA doesn't include "operates as a brothel" in its list of no-nos. And I, a very precocious 8-year-old, asked very sweetly, how come there were only men coming out of the all-girl revue next door. Hoo boy, were my parents pissed.

[flamingyouth]

11. LOL - I don't know, it must be a man thing

I saw Dana Carvey on the Tonight show years ago (with Johnny Carson, no less) and he was saying the same thing about his dad: Had to get up before dawn, could never use the bathroom, it was like the Bataan death march "all in the name of family fun!"

And yes, eyesroll, your story tops all so far. Ten points to the woman from Wisconsin!:7

[eyesroll]

17. Thanks, Lisa

Did you guys have an "emergency potty?" We did. It was a camp toilet that used plastic bags. I never had to use it, but my sister, who was 5 at the time, couldn't wait, and by the time my dad relented and said he'd stop at the next exit, it was almost too late. She said that experience did help her when she did Outward Bound years later -- she knows how to pee in the woods with no shame.

We would go on these long road trips every summer -- the point, I suppose, was "education." So, we spent a lot of time touring Boyhood Home This and Scenic Overlook That.

Do you know how an eight-year-old reads "Scenic Overlook?" It may as well be "Cliff Over Which To Throw Little Sister." By the end of three weeks, I was quite sick of her -- I had to share a bed with her ("$10 for a rollaway? Hell, no!"), and in the car my parents would put the cooler between us so we wouldn't be able to kick each other.

And they never let us play arcade games, or buy a squished penny with the landmark on it, or any of that, because it was a waste of money. You know what I did last year? I played Skee-Ball in the visitor's center on a mountain in Colorado with my sister (she lives there now), simply because we couldn't do that -- possibly at that exact visitor's center on that exact mountain -- 20 years ago. (And, yes, when I talked to my mom about it, the first thing she said was, "well, it's your money now, if you want to waste it that's fine.")

[fudge stripe cookays]

18. That's freakin hilarious!

My dad was in the Air Force, so you would think he would have been psycho about the schedule, but he was remarkably mellow.

I guess retirement helped him more than we thought!

[johnnie]

14. Here is a family classic

The time my family left me in Canada.

I will try to make this as short as possible.
When I was 10 we went with four other families from Cleveland to Toronto, Canada. There were a lot of problems with all four cars thru the trip and on the way back, my fathers Caddy started overheating so they all pulled off the highway and we decided to stop at a McDonald's. While the others were eating, I walked up to the counter to get some of the free stickers they were giving away. When I went to go back to my seat, everybody was gone. I looked around and didnt see any of them in the place so I went outside looking. I then walked down to the side street where the car was parked...and it was gone also.
I walked around for quite a while, lost and a bit concerned that I was going to be Canadian from that day on.
I happened upon a passing trooper (or cop, whatever they are) and flagged him down. I told him I was lost and you should have seen his face when he asked me where I was from and my answer was "Cleveland, Ohio United States". I told him what had happened and he took to me to the nearest McDonald's. When I walked in, they knew who I was. My parents had called from Niagara Falls, about an hour and a half away. They were just going to cross the border, and thinking I was in one of the other cars they stopped to get the family in one car. One problem...I was still at McDonald's.
The staff called back the number my parents left for them and they came and got me. While I waited I was given one of those hats, a pin with my name and they put a tie on me. They also let me help make some burgers. Needless to say, I made it back to the states.

[flamingyouth]

19. OMG - that is totally insane

I think there's a book in all of these stories, people. Where's David Sedaris when we need him?:D

[fudge stripe cookays]

23. (Cue the McCauley Culkin!) "Where's Kevin??!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

[Raven]

22. When I was twelve

my family took a trip to Canada and took a cruize down the newly opened St Lawrence Seaway to the Atlantic Ocean (I've just dated myself!) This was my Dad's idea and it was me, my parents and my younger brother.

We got on this little ocean liner and when we got out into the Atlantic, we hit the end of a hurricane. Everyone on this little ship got sick except me and my Dad. My brother and my Mother took to their beds. My Dad insisted that the best cure for sea sickness was a good hearty meal so we went to lunch and I had spagetti. I managed to keep it down for all of about 5 minutes and then threw it up all over the main deck.

When we finally docked a few days later, no one was speaking to my Father. He rented a car and we headed back to Boston stopping only to have hot dogs and PBJ sandwiches in Maine. We never let him forget that trip!

[flamingyouth]

25. Now, there's a good roap trip tale!

These poor dads - we never let them forget the familial happiness, do we?:D

[TrogL]

27. Trip to the Maritimes

I was sent to live with a French-Canadian family over the summer.

First night there I kicked one of the sons in the balls 'cause he wanted to wrassle and I didn't.

I had the hots for the daughter.

The other, older son had the hots for me (which I didn't understand at the time).

After the trip, the older son and I were taken for a road trip from there, through the Maritimes then back to Ontario. We fought most of the way, he was all over me, my parents didn't have a clue.

[flamingyouth]

28. There's a screenplay in this, I hope you know

:D

[Taverner]

29. Ahhh the trip to LA from SF

Now this is usually a short trip, and I've done it many times. I was 18 and my grandmother on my mother's side died. She needed to go - ahlzheimers had robbed her of herself and it was a relief to all of us (including her) when she passed on.

Anyway, on the trip there it was myself, my dad and my grandmother on his side going down. My dad is a "tunnel vision" driver. He likes to pride himself on doing the jaunt in 5 hours or less. Grandma, on the other hand, likes to do things along the way, like go to the bathroom or eat.

Anyway, the whole trip dad is hauling ass down I-5, maybe doing 90 in the Taurus. Grandma keeps remarking at every rest stop.

"There's a rest stop there...perhaps we could stop and..."

<RRRRRRAAWRRRRRR>

"Oh look there's a McDonalds...I'm kind of hungry..."

<RRRRRRAAWRRRRRR>

"What about there...they might have good food..."

<RRRRRRAAWRRRRRR>

"Can't we just stop - I have to go to the ladie's room..."

<RRRRRRAAWRRRRRR>

Needless to say, grandma had a meltdown around Buttonwillow...

[cally]

30. Before air conditioning

My family headed to Lake Shasta for the weeklong family vacation. It's 105 degrees and my sisters and I complained non stop. One year, my sister had a fever so my parents bought an iceblock to cool us down. It was on the back floor and we played with it for an hour or so. Who could keep their foot on it the longest? Who could chip off the biggest piece with their toe? :shrug: Finally, we put a piece of ice in the thermometer and handed it to my parents. It was no longer 105 degrees but instead it was something like 82 degrees. My parents started talking about how cool it had become. How much better they felt. That my sister was doing better. They believed the temperature had fallen so they felt better. :eyes:

[kitkatrose]

31. Heh...

One year we (my aunt, grannie, sister, and me) were driving to Gatlinburg in my aunt's Voyager. Before we left, I tried to push my seat back, but it didn't work. I kept fiddling with it on the way until she pulled over and got out to help me. She slide the door back and I leaned over to help her and fell out of the car, seat and all. We' sitting on the side of the highway and my family is laughing at me. It turns out that when I was trying to push the seat back, I had unlocked it, cuz the seats are removeable in that van.

And then there's the fact that on every car trip we take, we always know when my grandma's asleep because she has on these silly hats that tilt whenever she falls asleep. That's good for a laugh because the hat's movements are the only thing you can see.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

33. Here are the songs I sang on our road trips as a kid

"He was bad, bad, Leroy Brown, baddest man in the whole damn town (only I said "DARN")..."

"Drop off the key, Lee, make a new plan, Stan, no need to be coy Roy, just get yourself freee...."

"Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool, loving you both is breaking all the rules...."

And bonus points to whomever can name THIS artist!

"I like beer. It makes me a jolly good fellow. I like beer. Whiskey's too rough, champagne costs too much, and vodka...."

and (same guy)

"Sneaky Snake goes a-dancin, a wigglin and a prancin....

I don't like ol Sneaky Snake, he laughs too much you see..."

He also sang one called "Watermelon Wine" I think. Who is it?