What is the funniest line used on you to finish a relationship?

[foreigncorrespondent]

I was told by my ex that I wasn't femme enough for her?

Me? Not femme? I never knew! If I had a picture in this computer to post and show you I would. But Sapphocrat may venture along soon, and she can vouch for my being femme. :)

So what is the funniest line used on you? Gay or straight, doesn't matter.

[Fridays Child]

1. Didn't use this one personally but I love it: "Remember when you said...

...you'd die for me? I'd like for you to make good on that promise, now."

[Booberdawg]

2. ROTFLOL!

:thumbsup:

[foreigncorrespondent]

3. OMG!!

ROFLMAO! Now that is too funny!

[UCLA02]

4. I used this one...

It was when I was in the Navy, and right before I left for the Persian Gulf my girlfriend dumped me via letter hand-delivered by her friend. Then while I was gone on the ship, she sent me a letter and acted like we were best of friends still. I had taken it quite hard and had no interest in remaining just her "friend" (as jilted lovers are wont to do) and so I sent her a postcard from one of the many exotic ports visited on my way to the Gulf.

The postcard said:

"Having a wonderful time, wish you were her."

Never heard from her again.

[foreigncorrespondent]

5. ROFLMAO

That really is a good line. :)

[UCLA02]

6. Thanks, but full disclosure in order...

Its actually a line from (and title of) a T-Bone Burnett song.

But I had no problem using it on her without proper citation...;-)

[5thGenDemocrat]

7. When my second ex-wife said

"I'm taking the refrigerator." Told her to get her 50-plus year old dad and herself on either side on it and cart it the hell on out of here.
The fridge is still here. Blessedly, I haven't seen her since, though I suspect she's hanging out on a beach somewhere eating plankton.
John
Actually, her parents are swell people (I see them at the hockey games). Good news is they don't bring her with them.

[Avalon Sparks]

8. This wasn't used on me ~

I actually used this to break up with a live in boyfriend, and it was more of a movement on my part than a single line. I used to play that YAZ song "Move Out" over and over and sing it to him. He finally got the hint and moved out. LOL I was always too much of a chicken to break up with people, and I always managed to do it badly.

On the other side of breaking up~
The line my one true love (that was a committment phobiac back in his day) used on me time and again during our first 2 years together just about every 3 months was "I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore" - He'd leave, and come crawling back after about a week or two when he thought I might be seeing someone eles or that he lost his hold on me. He'd use that same line EVERYTIME! Everything would be going along fine, and he'd come to me with a firm look in his eyes and just say that. By like the third time he did it I was like, I know, I know... whatever. I'd take him back each time though, until the last time he did, in which I made him wait a whole big two months.

I hate to admit it but I know it wasn't because he was dating/seeing other people during those break up times of ours, because I would spend a majority of the time we were broken up spying on him and all he did was hang out with his retard friend watching Star Trek or other stupid stuff. I wouldn't have taken him back if he was breaking up with me to mess around with other people. Additionally, I'd like to add that I wasn't possessive nor did I ever try to keep him from hanging around said retard friend. He was simply a dyed in the wool commitmentphobe.

He finally got over his commitment phobia and we've been together for 14 years. (Lived together for 8 and married for 4) Those first two years were tough and there was other mellow drama about getting married - but I gotta admit I'm glad I toughed it out, he grew into a wonderful committed man.

And yes, he knows I spied on him and fondly refers to it as his time under survelience.

[KCDem]

18. I've done the music thing as well!

"This is not my idea of a good time" by Garbage... played it over and over one weekend when an ex came to visit in hopes of "resurrecting" the relationship.

:evilgrin:

[HEyHEY]

9. I said

Said as I hi-fived the girl..."Thank god that's over I thought I was gonna have an ulcer." She was so shocked she just raised her hand and let me hi-five her.

[Avalon Sparks]

11. Now THAT is funny HEyHey!

ROFL... wish I'd thought of that.

I was usually the one breaking up with people and normally I just say to them casually on the phone, "Oh, you know I'm dating Insert Name, now...." That would confuse them too.

I figured my two year of break ups with my now husband was karmic payback for all the heart's I broke so carelessly in my teen and college years.

[HEyHEY]

12. Now that's funny!!!

Breaking off with someone by confusing them. I gotta try that one time! It is so much easier than just dumping them!

[Booberdawg]

10. May the fleas of a thousand camels

infest your hemorrhoids :wow:

[Coffee Coyote]

13. "either the yak goes or I do!"

Easy choice. :-)

[SoCalDem]

14. I called collect to break an engagement

the wedding was a month away.. cold feet.. and I was too chicken to do it in person :(..

[Buns_of_Fire]

15. "Hi. I'm getting married and moving to Denver." <click>

Left on my answering machine while I was at work, of course.

Believe me, it's a lot funnier now than it was at the time (although I really do miss that answering machine)...

[Sushi_lover]

16. "You're a psychopath," she said

It made me laugh. A crazy laugh.

[Throckmorton]

17. Your "Insert offensive name for male sexual member" is too small,

It will never satisfy me, and she laughed hystrically at me. I didn't date another female for 5 years.

[GOPisEvil]

19. Holy crap! That's brutal!

The worst I ever heard was, "I can't see you anymore. I mean, you're nice to me now, but you're going to change eventually - all men do." This was after our 2nd date. I think she had an issue or two.

[buddhamama]

22. how cruel !

i sympathize. man, how that must have hurt.

[Booberdawg]

27. Karma will catch up with her. That was mean.

:eyes:

There's a special place in hell for people like that.;-)

[patdem]

20. I swear I had a vasectomy...it must be someone else's baby!!!

Yeach reight.....it is the reight's way to deny to the death reality(truth)!

Of course that was 30 years ago. I lived. He lived. I am sure I lived better, but who knows?

[Aristus]

21. My poor brother had this one laid on him:

"You're such a nice guy, I could only think of you as a friend."

His reply: "What did you want me to do? Slap you around a little?"

[zekeson]

23. Had a roomate

in college who was forever kicking me out to have "friends" over. He also had a girlfriend back home. One gal got a little too easy to spend time with and he knew he had to end it. Laying in bed one morning he said, "uh, you see that picture up there? (pointing to a pic on the wall of his girlfriend.) she answered yes. "well, she isn't my sister."

Oh, you said funniest. I was thinking of cruelest. And yes, his hometown gal eventually left him.

[SaveABug]

25. All's well that ends well

and well, that's all I've got to say about it!

[sujan]

24. let us still be good friends

[TrogL]

26. It's over. I've got a boyfriend

She was relieved.

[Character Assassin]

28. "Can you run faster than a bullet?" Juuuuust kidding.

But I've certainly harbored that sentiment silently once or twice.

[SaveABug]

29. Talk about messed up

I was actually told once by a woman that she wanted to break the relationship with me because she had found someone else. Then she said, not to give up hope (I was devastated at the time), if it didn't work out with him, maybe she would be back to try again.

Talk about a doormat. I was. True story.

She never came back, and it proved to be a good thing.

[dolo amber]

30. Ok, true story...

One of my best friends hadn't dated anyone in over 2 years, and was really nervous about starting back in the dating scene. She'd had a child with her last boyfriend and was much more uptight than she used to be. She was sure that no one would accept her and her son, afraid of letting anyone get too close, scared of accidentally being attracted to someone that turned out to be a pedophile (:eyes:) etc. (You have to know her, she's like this TOTALLY vanilla-PC-Martha Stewart type.)

So she meets this guy eventually through mutual friends. Seems to be a lovely chap. She calls me after their dates sometimes and tells me how great he is, a true gentleman on and on and on. He, also, is as white-bread as they come, an accountant for a local family-owned hardware/home improvement chain. As these things sometimes go, the relationship picked up steam and I heard less and less from her.

One day I get a voicemail from her, just bawling. So I call her back and she asks if I can come over. Now, granted, I correctly assumed it had something to do with Mr. Perfect and the demise of their relationship. But what she said so shocked me, I burst out laughing in her face. She tells me he's dumped her because, she "made" him stick his finger in her rear orifice during sex, and he couldn't look at her the same anymore or some kind of crap like that. I couldn't help laughing, which is horrible, but I mean, geez, wtf is that?!?

[ronnykmarshall]

32. That's one for the record books!

Or "Sex In The City".

[ronnykmarshall]

31. He told me we was "going straight"

We were living together and he also said that if I fucked another guy I had to move out. :wtf: I did and I happily got the hell out.