The Little Red Hen: Bush Administration Edition

[jmowreader]

We're all familiar with a nice little conservative fairy tale called The Little Red Hen, in which she decides to grow some wheat to make bread, the other animals in the area refuse to help her grow the wheat, then when it comes time to eat the bread they're all right in line for some--and are promptly told they can't have any.

This tale, while a nice little allegory about the rewards of hard work, ignores a few facts, like that all of the animals who refused to work are large predators who eat chickens, not bread.

So let's update this story for a modern era--the Bush era.

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The Little Red Hen decided one spring day that she should grow some wheat. The Little Red Hen wasn't called that because of the color of her feathers but because of the color of her politics; Red was so far to the left she made Leon Trotsky look like Barry Goldwater.

Obviously you need wheat seeds to grow wheat, so she scraped up what money she had and went to the Cenex for some seed. Late that night, she and her chicks, half of whom worked at Wal-Mart because some guy in Bentonville decided to kill off their downtown and the other half work at the sewage plant, sowed the seeds. "Be sure not to eat any seeds, chicks, this is our food for the winter." And through long nights of toil, a fine wheat crop grew, was harvested, milled and baked into 100 loaves of bread.

A fine harvest for a first-time farmer, to be sure. The Little Red Hen wasn't prepared for the knock on the door. "We are from the Internal Revenue Service. Give us 50 of those loaves of bread as your tax." Later came knocks from the state board of revenue (25 loaves) and the city (ten loaves). "Chicks, we have fifteen loaves left. Is Wal-Mart hiring?" Then came the final knock. A wolf was at the door; he was dressed in a blazer with a huge M on the lapel. "I'm corporate counsel for Monsanto. We found a Roundup Ready soy plant in your field. If you do not wish to go to court, turn over the rest of your crop." And the wolf left with the remaining fifteen loaves, or more exactly fourteen and a half since the Little Red Hen had cut into one of them.

What happened to those loaves the IRS took? Some went to Halliburton. Some to Lockheed, and one even went to Wal-Mart...who sold it back to the Little Red Hen for $1.29.

The Little Red Hen knew she couldn't make it through the winter with no food, so she went to the Department of Social Services. "What job do you have?" 'I am a farmer.' "How much did you make this year?" 'One hundred loaves, but the government got most of them and Monsanto the rest.' "You are, therefore, a deadbeat and must leave now. Try the Faith Based Center across the street."

When LRH entered the center, the first question she was asked is "Do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?" As she looked at three of the loaves she made, she answered "no, I am a Communist and reject Jesus." The dulcet strains of "hit the road Jack, don't come back no mo no mo no mo" rang in her ears.

Next thing you know she's working at Wal-Mart too...where she can't afford to buy her bread back because she's kept at one hour below full-time minimums.