CASTING CALL - SMURF AUDITIONS

[sundog]

SMURFS EPIC HEADS TO ICE
1hour. 41minutes ago – AP

NEW YORK – Stars on Ice will launch the much-anticipated first chapter of the epic Smurf Capades trilogy on its winter 2005 road tour.

Tanya Harding has inked to play Gargamel with Oksana Baiul as Azrael. Wilford Brimley is currently slated to play Papa Smurf.

Stars on Ice is in final negotiations with Surya Bonaly in the starring role of Smurfette. Auditions are currently being held for additional roles.

The story will follow the residual effects of toxic leakage from Gargamel’s alligator moat on the Smurfs’ groundwater, resulting in the poisonous mushrooms. Smurfette wages a battle to save the Smurfs' primary cash crop from potential bad trips (loosely based on legal eagle Erin Brokovich) while fighting her own addictions to drugs and alcohol (loosely based on "Golden Girl: The Jessica Savitch Story") stemming from an abusive relationship outside the Smurf cult.

Director Jaclyn Smith has blasted recent criticisms from Smurf purists who have protested the inclusion of more female Smurfs in the road show. At a New York press conference, Smith assured reporters that Smurf Capades will not "abandon its homoerotic themes."

"We felt more female Smurfs should be included to avoid misogynist undertones in such a family event," Smith stated.

Musical numbers will include interpretations of Bonnie Tyler’s "Total Eclipse of the Heart," En Vogue’s "Never Gonna Get It," Nine Inch Nails’ "Closer," and a rousing version of Bob Dylan’s "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35."

Tickets will be available through Ticketmaster starting this August.

Smith has denied misappropriation of funds from the 2002 Snorks Reunion Tour.

[Canuckistanian]

1. I saw the movie by Quentin Tarantino

Although I found it derivative of Akiro Kurosawa's version. I liked the Smurfette (Tawnee Welch) S/M scene , though.

[sundog]

4. Rashomon... mon

--

[Servo300]

2. What color does a Smurf turn when you choke it?

:-)

[sundog]

3. green, dude

---

[asterisk]

5. the sophomores theme for homecoming was smurfs

the art teacher thou gt it was a drug refrance...and to top it all off in their float they had a smoke machine.... I'll let you smoke I mean soak that in...


I was a shamed to even be sitting with the sophomores let alone be a sohp.

[sundog]

6. the smurfs were on mushrooms, I guarantee it

they became quite ingratiating after a while, but there were always so many mushrooms around... coincidence? I think not...

[texas1928]

7. I would have to be drunk to go see this one.

Yes definitly I would have to be drunk.

[sundog]

8. no, you have to see it on LSD....

---

[texas1928]

10. If I took that I would not be able to see it

[belladonna]

9. Do the Smurfs strip?

Sorry, couldn't resist :evilgrin:

[sundog]

11. of course they do---

to the tune of salt n pepper's "lets talk about sex"

[belladonna]

14. No, no, NO

It's gotta be to Salt Shaker...

She's leaking, she's soaking wet.....

[texas1928]

12. Oh brother

:eyes:

[sundog]

13. well what smurf would you be?!

--

[texas1928]

15. Could not tell you

never watched them.

[sundog]

16. I want to be Pariah Smurf

the long lost smurf struggling with his sex addiction