OSCAR is BACK!!! (And I need your help!)

[Shananigans]

Yes, you heard me right! Oscar has returned and without all these nasty CIA and FBI agents around I can at last give you an update.

(Don't remember? http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=663920 Hopefully this will help)

Last you all heard our adorable, yet somewhat mysterious friend Oscar (also known as my baby brother) had just survived a treacherous journey through Matamoros and several other awe-inspiring places (including a short stint with some Zapatistas, who treated him to a long-overdue Mane n Tail treatment) only to arrive in Minnesota a little under the weather. In the following weeks Oscar made an interesting recovery that even I, as his half sister, was unable to understand.

Since we left the last post in January, I have been unable to post on the happenings of Oscar because

#1- He disappeared for 2 months and I was sworn to secrecy not to let anyone on DU know about his disappearance (It's possible there is a spy monitoring his moves from the site) and

#2- Because Oscar's behavior has been just too bizarre! The midnight cartwheels down the stairs started happening more frequently (basically, every time a car would pass on the road or an appliance would turn on/off they would begin and endure for about 23 minutes). In addition his eating habits became atrocious...in addition to the Non-Acetone Finger Nail Polis Remover, red candle wax and ink sticks from permanent markers, Oscar added electrical wires (you can imagine what this did to my poor mother, not having electricity to watch Bob Barker), clothespins, tinfoil and hair spray. This behavior, along with a total decrease in his sleeping habits (he started sleeping for 30 seconds every seven minutes with breaks only to brush his teeth, do his cartwheels and occasionally disappear) scared the crap out of me. The noises in the attic of the barn became louder and sometimes...well sometimes I could have sworn that the barn was ALIVE.

After a month of this behavior I knew it was time to have a talk with Oscar...so about the end of February I sat him down and let him know that this insane behavior was just killing our mother. She couldn't sleep at night, she'd wake in the middle of an afternoon nap, just petrified that Oscar had found out the truth of his conception and was doing this to get back at her. Her health just decreased dramatically. She went from weighing 307 pounds (a very large woman) to a measly 97.5 pounds. Her asthma increased, along with her blood pressure and she started breaking out in boils.

When I explained this to Oscar he just looked at me with this sad look in his eyes and nodded. I assumed this meant he was going to curtail his irrational behavior and actually slept peacefully for the first time in months that night. And in the morning he was gone...as was the "thing" in the barn attic and all his worldly possessions (which by this point was a rather sizable amount).

For two months I sat grief stricken by the door of the barn just waiting and praying that Oscar would return. And finally, yesterday evening at about 7:42 p.m. Oscar came back home. As to where he has been and what he has been doing I do not know... but this I do know... Something has happened in that two months and I'm not quite sure what. Oscar has changed.

Unfortunately, there are several mysteries about Oscar's disappearance that only certain DU-ers can unravel (hint, hint DuctapeFatwa, TrogL and A-Schwarzenegger). Please help me! In order to know what I can do to help Oscar I need to know the TRUTH!

[northofdenali]

1. Well, at least he's home!!

As far as his eating habits are concerned, I would suggest you immediately add 3 GE Soft-White (60 or 100 watt) bulbs per meal for roughage; this may also help him sleep.

Welcome home, Oscar :hi: . Ok, A-Schwarzenegger, et al, cough it up!!

[Shananigans]

3. Do they have to be GE lightbulbs?

All I have is the brand that the Lions Club sells...think that will work?

Also, any clue as to why he might be spending a great deal of time whistling that tune from "Bridge Over The River Kwai"...(not sure of it's name)?

[Exultant Democracy]

2. Someday someone

with a lot of energy and time on their hands should write out an in depth treatise on Oscar. With annotation and interviews with people close to "him".

I would do it, but because nehibors house burnt down in that "accident" I may not be around for a while.

[Shananigans]

4. Damn...you mean they got to you too?

Just remember, they aren't allowed to cross the threshold of your home unless you make the first move. Also, if you paint a black circle on your door it seems to keep them at bay a little longer.

I suggest you get your family and yourself to a safe location as soon as possible.

[Shananigans]

5. Allright...so I fed Oscar the Lions Club lightbults...

and now he is coughing and spitting up blood. Is it possible this incident isn't connected to the policemen eating glass laced hamburgers at McDonalds?

Poor Oscar, I think he's ok, now, but his throat sure is sore!