Damn it, my wife takes me for granted ....

[dawg]

She lies so much about little shit, and occasionally medium shit, that I no longer feel that I can trust her at all.

All of our problems, be it financial, problems with the kids at school, or the messy condition of our house ...... are all my fault.

My familiy is my life .... something that I'm beginning to realize was a mistake. Allowing myself to get so wrapped up in another person was stupid, but that ship has already sailed.

On top of that, the fucking idiot Americans are probably going to lay our freedoms and everything I love about my country at the feet of that cocksucker, Bush, this November. And there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm like Cassandra, and no one listens to me.

Damn, I'm pissed off at the world today.

[JVS]

1. The way I see it, you have to choices

1. Confront her about the lying.

2. Do some lying of your own.

[dawg]

2. Well, I chose number 1.

I've gone through this with her three times over the last two years. But it doesn't do any damn good! Things seem better for awhile untill she jerks me another one. And what the fuck do I have to lie to her about? I don't want a girlfriend - one woman is more than enough, why the hell would I want another one to piss me off and make me feel two inches high?

Sometimes I think the gay guys have it made. (Sorry ladies, I'm not normally this bitter).

[JVS]

4. Well if she continues to give you grief, you might want to dump her ass

[WillParkinson]

20. Gay guys have it made?

Oh, sure. My SO used to lie to me about stuff all the time. Then I would get pissed. He'd say he was sorry and I would tel him what I think of people who lie to me and, if he didn't want me to feel that way about him, he'd better never lie to me again.

[MichaelUK]

3. From someone who has been there

Don't lie back. Talk to her. I was in a 3.5 yr relationship, was completly in love with her (OK, so none of my friends or family liked her, but I LOVED her, de ya ken?). We stopped communicating. The relationship blew up (no breaks here, just a blow-up of epic proportions). And I kinda miss her (although I now appreciate that she is in fact an absolute bitch, that I don't like her and I have no idea what I saw in her). But I do miss her.

Her lies are probably because she doesn't want you to get angry about stuff - eg shopping, where she was etc, because she feels threatened by it. Be calm, don't go postal and talk to her about why she's lying.

As for Chimp-boy, it'll all be over soon. November is only a few months away, and it can't come soon enough for any of us. But as soon as he's got his flea-infested, blood-soaked carc-arse out of the Oval Office, impeach the sob. Take him to court. There is nothing that he can do except stall if you were to take him to court AFTER he leaves office. And I think if all the members here got together and lodged seperate suits against him, he'd be forced to go before a court (esp since the Democrats would be in power, baying for his blood).

[dawg]

6. Thanks for the encouraging words.

This relationship is a 13-year marriage, with two beautiful children. The lies are more hurtful than just shopping and stuff.

Chimpy will win - he's the fucking Anti-Christ.

50% of my fellow Americans are dumb shits and 20% are greedy bithces and bastards.

Present company excluded, of course.

[LynzM]

5. Dude, that sucks

:hug: Lying sucks... it ruined the relationship I had in college, I hear ya.

As for the Bush winning in November bit, why don't you throw yourself into educating people for a while? Organize meetups, flier campuses, etc? Two-fold benefit: one, does something productive towards getting * out of office, and two, gets you out of your house and theoretically away from any lying to you :) Hang in there...

[trumad]

7. I don't condone it, but I understand it!

[DS1]

8. oh boy

:eyes:

[dawg]

10. Who's that for, trumad ...

Me, the missus, or the chimp?

[trumad]

11. You my good friend...LOL

Sometimes my jokes are a little on the line, but this is clearly a Joke.

I wish you the best.

[dawg]

13. OK dude ...

I did it. Blew my friggin' head right off, but it didn't kill me and now my head's gonna' look real funny the rest of my life. (And that's a shame, 'cause some people think I used to be kinda cute) Thanks a lot!

[trumad]

14. So now because of your looks she''s leaving you.

See...I told you it would work.

[dawg]

17. The lumpy misshapen head was just too much for her! n/t

[supernova]

12. That's over the top, trumad

Poor taste. :thumbsdown:

As for the lying, the only thing you can do is talk to her about it, suggest counselling even, if you think your marriage is worth it.

She may even feel shame about the lying and exactly *why* she does it.

The positive thing you can do for yourself is begin to follow up on interests of your own. Make sure your identity as a human being isn't dependent on your marriage, IOW.

Yes, I have been there. It sucks. My ex used to lie to me (usually about bills that had/hadn't been paid until it was too late) until I had finally had enough.

[trumad]

15. Who me...poor taste

never.....

[supernova]

21. Naw, of course not

[dawg]

9. Thanks for the hug!

You know, part of my problem is that I must be pretty conceited. I'm a great husband (in my own mind, anyway).

My wife and children always come first in everything I do. She got the dozen roses on valentine's day. I'm not tall, dark or handsome but I'm a tiger in the bedroom. And she's my best friend, or at least I want her to be.

***And no - I'm not smothering her! I've had to deal with bithing in the past about being "distant" from her and her not feeling "connected" to me like in the past. Well, I was coming home every day - spending all of my spare time with her. But sometimes I would read or post on DU or something if she was watching some show that didn't interest me, like Big Brother.

Well, I stopped that ... took an interest in the things she wanted to do, and brought her into things that I was interested in. I thought things were better ...... but no. Things still aren't like they were when we were younger.

I'm sorry, but when we were younger we didn't have kids - both of which are having psychological problems and one of which is special needs (ADHD/Aspergers?/Who the hell knows).

That is NOT MY FUCKING FAULT!

I love them and want to help them as much as she does. But I can't take her to movies and out to dinner like I could before. God knows I want to. I'll let her go to movies with our oldest on Saturdays while I stay at home with the younger one. I guess that's part of us "drifting apart"

Sorry for the rant - I just need to vent my spleen. Maybe some young wife or husband will read this and stop and reflect on how much their spouse means to them and not take them for granted and treat them like shit anymore.

[MichaelUK]

16. Where are you now?

Is she about?

Also, having a kid with Special Needs is always difficult. Perhaps she's feeling pressured from that?

But people do change. Life throws us lemons, and unless we're ready with a jug, some water, sugar, glasses and napkins, lemonade is pretty hard to make. Take it slow. Tell her how you honestly feel...

Some questions you need to ask yourself:
a) Do you still Love her
b) Are you staying with her for the kids
c) What would you rather do: be alone, or be in her presence, no matter what the situation, no matter how angry she is.

[dawg]

19. Well ...

a) Of course I still love her, otherwise I wouldn't give a shit.

b) No, I'm not staying with her for the kids.

c) I want to be in her presence. And I'm probably the angry one.

[ellie]

18. I am not defending your wife,

but was she raised in a culture of lying and secrecy? My mother lied to my father forever, about the bills, where she was, what she was doing, what we kids were doing. She wasn't cheating on him or anything (I don't think), but her reasoning was that he just wouldn't understand and would get upset. For example, she just told me this past weekend that she used to pay the electric bill late every month. This is shocking to me because she always lectured us kids about paying bills on time. Once the electric company came to the door to find out what was going on, and I guess my dad got really upset. She told him that she didn't have the money to pay it and not telling him was easier than telling him and pissing him off.

Now in my marriage, I find myself beginning to lie, but can't go through with it. I don't like secrets and I can never keep lies straight. I just tell DH, Hey! I can't pay the phone bill because we don't have any money! Or, you can't go buy that CD because we don't have any money! It makes it our problem, not just my problem.

Good luck.

[dawg]

23. check your du inbox ...

Way too much informations there.:evilgrin:

[Red_Viking]

22. Sounds like a maturity issue to me

I have been married and divorced twice. There's my dirty laundry for everyone at DU! Ack!

Anyway, my most recent divorce was almost three years ago. My ex had maturity issues as well. He believed his job was done when we walked down the aisle. He treated me more like his mother than his wife. We had some common interests, but he basically just wanted to do his own thing, whether it involved me or not. He frankly didn't care.

We had no children, thankfully. My daughter (by Defendant #1) never liked him. She was very wise. :)

You sound committed to making things better. If you love her and want to stay married, I urge you to seek counseling. You can get issues on the table with a trained professional who will help you work through things. There is a middle ground, but you both have to be willing to work toward it. Not knowing her, it sounds from your descriptions as though she can't fully accept the changes that come with increased responsibility and child raising. Lying is also another sign of immaturity.

In the end, however, your personal happiness has value. Don't negate it. Your kids deserve a happy, contented father who loves life with them. And you deserve a life that makes you happy to open your eyes every morning, whatever that may look like.

Good luck!! And know many of us have been in similar situations. You'll make it through and be a stronger man for it.

:hug:

RV

[dawg]

24. Thanks for the hug and encouraging words.

Probably some maturitiy issues on my end as well.