Is this a date? (women's opinions especially solicited)

[achtung_circus]

Poll question: Is this a date? (women's opinions especially solicited)

Here it is. I walked away from my wife of 18 years in September.

I moved several thousand kilometers/miles to my birthplace.
I am now surrounded by supportive family.
I am happy for the first time in about 5 years.
I work in conjunction with a woman, who lives 4 hours away.
We work together every couple of weeks.
We speak together almost every day, usually for no official reason.
Our phone conversations feel like serious flirting.
I asked her out for dinner on Monday.
She has a previous engagement but suggested lunch Tuesday
(she leaves Tuesday)
I have a Tuesday commitment.
She suggested Friday lunch when she passes through for 2 hours.

Is this a date?
(it feels like a date, but my instincts are 20 years old.)

[Demobrat]

1. Honey, when you ask a woman to dinner

and she suggests lunch....it's just lunch.

[achtung_circus]

6. Even though Monday is the only night she's here?

[Demobrat]

7. Well, normally lunch is a huge step back from dinner.

If lunch really is the only time you guys can get together and she seems anxious to make it happen, I could be wrong.

[regnaD kciN]

2. Side question: Are you still legally married?

I know many women (and probably many men as well, but I haven't asked them) who, no matter how attracted they are to a potential partner, won't consider anything resembling or even leading to a relationship until said potential partner's divorce is final, particularly in the case of a long-term marriage. There's too much of a chance of getting emotionally committed to the new partner, only to have them decide to "give the marriage one more shot."

[achtung_circus]

3. The paperwork is going through

I'm not married in my heart

[Demobrat]

4. But the real question is

are you over your wife? And no, I'm not asking if you are still in love with her. I'm asking if you're over the relationship, and if you are still angry, bitter, unhappy, obsessed (God forbid), or just unable to get through a conversation without mentioning her or your divorce, you are not over her, and therefore are not dating material (yet).

[achtung_circus]

5. I had an epiphany soon after I moved home

I bought some sappy music, cried a lot, decided that one part of my life was over, a new one beginning. Then I quit smoking after 32 years. I have a new life.
Edit: Fix stupid typo.

[Demobrat]

8. You didn't answer the question.

You have a new life, but do you still have one foot in the old one? Anyway, even if you do, there's no reason your new interest has to know about it. Whatever you do, don't mention your wife or your divorce to her. At least don't bring up the subject. The problem with people who are still extracating themselves from past relationships is that they're not ready to concentrate on the new one yet, and it shows. Just concentrate on her when you're with her. That's all anybody wants.

[Bunny]

9. Well it sounds like you are good to go!

I don't know if it's a date, but she does seem interested in at least doing something with you. So go for it, see what transpires, and good luck! (I've been out of the dating scene for years, so what do I know?) :)

[fudge stripe cookays]

10. It sounds promising, but....

DemoBrat brings up some really good points.

Myself, dating still married men (no matter how much they'd "moved on") was always one of those 7 deadlies. My mom did it, and it burned not only her, but me in the process. For 10 years. It might just be the technicality, but it's still important to a lot of women.

And yes, things look promising. The whole "rebound relationship" is often times a therapeutic, healthy thing for you, but a heavy-duty, difficult thing for the person with you, although you may not realize it. Completely changing someone's mindset about life and love is hard. Dealing with the shadow of that other person is harder. You have lots of baggage you may not even be aware of.

Take it slow and easy, don't talk about your wife/divorce/marital problems if you can help it. If she brings it up and seems big-hearted and warm, disclose a little, but make it a quick statement, and then change the subject.

Good luck! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!