Don't usually stop by the Lounge and have never posted in here before

[Skidmore]

but could use a little suppport right now. My brother called me last night. He has cancer--in his left lung, his colon, and his stomach. He's 48 years old--two years younger than me. He has always been a big strapping guy--250 lbs and 6' tall--who worked jobs that required plenty of brawn. Never has asked much from life, usually content to have a roof over his head. He dropped out of high school but went on to manage several shops and has been well respected as a plain spoken and honorable man.

I hadn't heard from him for a while and he's not one to keep in touch or stay put at home. He's dropped 80 lbs. I could hear the fear in his voice. He lives in Louisiana. I don't think his prognosis is good in spite of what he says. His attitude and hopefulness is evident. Our mother died of cancer 10 years ago and I know when it has spread like this the chances are reduced for survival.

I'm just having a bit of trouble believing I had that phone conversation with him and it feels pretty surreal. I don't think I'll be able to go there though. We're having a set of problems that is really biting into our finances right now in a big way. I feel helpless now.

[BlondieK143]

1. I'm so sorry to hear that.

You all will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there. I know it's easier said than done. And you always have support in here - these guys are the best!

[xchrom]

2. that is so sad!

i am, every one who reads this will have you in their thoughts.
the c word is scary all on it's own -- and all the more so when it strikes so close to home.
please keep us informed and remember to take care of your self as well as your brother.
this really is tough --

[Kahuna]

3. I'm very sorry to for your brother and you. I can imagine how..

you feel. I'm sorry that I can't find many words to comfort you. Be strong. Have faith.

[sweetheart]

4. dying

I noticed that i'm dying as well, and well,
what is there to be afraid of, yet on my test
run, fear is the right word. Sinking in to
this body, and it can no longer move. I can't
give a kiss anymore. Whatever petty selfish lies
i've lived are painfully evident, and i am free
of the burdensome physicality of self. In this
regard, i am peacefully free and death can't
hurt me.

I've died, yet discover i never existed to start
with, like thought would have me believe, and
that, i've only dreamed all this happenstance.
And my body ages and dies and is reborn. All
i can remember is. All of love reduced to the
profundity of the silence around my dead flesh.

sorry if this is weird and offtopic, but its the
lounge after all, and you mentioned the fear of
death. It is so deeply striking.

[cleofus1]

5. truly...

The fear of death is something we cannot share. It is intrinsic in individuals...you can talk about it...but no one else can feel the fear you have in your heart. It exists in all of us to various degrees. The Aztecs believed that it was not how you lived your life that determined your place in the after life. They believed it was how you died.

[Paradise]

6. You've had a rough night.

You said he's scared but hopeful. You're scared, as well, but be hopeful, too, for him, and for yourself. Hope is giving him the strength, and courage to get through this. He needs you now, and you need him. Although you may not be able to go to him, you can still be there for him, like you were last night. This is a shock to you but you're stronger than you think. Your brother sounds like a truly good person, and so do you. You know, Skid, that we will be here for you, one day at a time.

[prolesunited]

7. So sorry to hear that

and I'm glad that he remains optimistic, but I agree with you that it has spread far out of control.

I really think you need to figure out a way to see him, despite your financial situation. Borrow money, sell something, charge it. Just do it.

I did not fully make amends with my mom before she died, and that has always been one of my life's greatest regrets and something that has haunted me. Although it doesn't sound like there's any serious issues there, I think you would regret not saying goodbye. Wouldn't you rather do that while he's alive and still feeling somewhat OK?

Feel free to return back to the Lounge any time you need a hug or just some mindless chatter. The people here our great. :hug: