Bush Admin declares "War on Mother Nature;" invades France

[CornField]

In response to Hurricane Katrina, the Bush Administration called a press conference where they began what is called the "War on Mother Nature."

"Mother Nature has no country, but operates in various cells throughout the world," the President explained. "The United States government has known about Mother Nature for some time, yet previous administrations have done nothing to control the on-slaught. It was one thing when Mother Nature was attacking in other nations, killing on other soils, but now Mother Nature has turned toward our nation and threatened our security.

"Mother Nature has organized and taken countless lives in under the guise of Hurricane Katrina. We, as God-fearing Americans, cannot let such an act go unanswered."

The president presented many pieces of evidence which pointed to a direct correlation between Mother Nature and France, including files of French citizens being tortured by Roman Templars for refusing Christianity.

"Since the populace of France has been filled with Pagans for many years, it leaves little doubt that there is a relationship between the country of France and Mother Nature," he said. "Such a relationship will continue and prosper without our intervention."

Aerial photos were presented which showed France's nuclear capabilities as well as weapons stores. The president introduced Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice. She provided further satellite video showing large trucks and trains moving about the country.

"We believe that these trucks are mobile weather stations," she said. "There is no doubt that we should fear what France would do if it ever succeeds in the development of such weaponry. I would hate for the wake up call to come in the form of earthquakes in America's Heartland or tornados in the Pacific Northwest."

Following the audible gasp by reporters, a question and answer period was opened.

"It has been said that Mother Nature is elusive and does not make her home in any country for long. What harm will it do to Mother Nature if we invade France?"

"Of course, we realize and understand how Mother Nature operates," Bush answered. "When you are fighting a snake, you don't go for the body. You go for the head and cut it off. Based on gathered intelligence, we believe that France and Mother Nature are in cahoots."

"Do you think Mother Nature is in France?"

"Our intelligence points to Mother Nature being everywhere. That couldn't happen, however, without the support of the French. Is there a Fox reporter in the house?"

"Sir, I heard that you cycled a 10-minute mile yesterday. Is this correct?"

"Well, I was having an off day," he said and smirked. "Now, I'm going to leave the rest of this press conference in the hands of sweet Condi. Ya'll have a good day and God bless me.

"Ms. Rice, what steps is the federal government taking to care for those who have suffered at the hands of Mother Nature?"

"Well, as you know, our experiences with Sept. 11th better prepared us for the challenges we face today," Rice said. "We will need more tax dollars for coalition building and invasion of France. We suggest anyone hit by Katrina should get up, dust her or himself off, and approach the private sector for assistance. Our government -- while locked in this "War on Mother Nature" will have little time or money for its own citizens.

"I've got a nail appointment, so good day and God bless me."

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. I can see it happening, actually. Email this sucker far and wide!

[CornField]

2. Crazy isn't it?

I've been waiting for two days now, expecting to hear something just as outrageous as my little parody on the local news.

This natural disaster will be used by this opportunitistic administration just as other events have. This time, we need to be ready to raise our voices when it happens. No more free rides... no more hiding behind the flag... no more...