My Apology from Newsweek

[Don1]

Okay, DUers...it's time for a competition. Submit your apology from Newsweek to the Pentagon here. I'll start:


Dear Pentagon, Mr. President, Mr. Vice-President, Secretary Rumsfeld, Halliburton, Lockheed Martin, General Dynamics, and Other Known and Unknown Partners of the State,

We humbly apologize for reporting a vindicated and tortured terror suspect's claim that you were flushing Qurans down a toilet. Our assumption that the vindicated suspect's story was correct came from the fact that you had to get rid of the Qurans somehow and somewhere after stomping all over them. And since you were making the prisoners eat their own feces, the toilets were obviously empty. It seems like a natural conclusion, but looking back on it now, you also could have just as likely been burning the Qurans after stomping on them or just burying them with all the books promoting homosexuality that you banned. Again, we apologize for presuming that your method of disposal of the Qurans was down a toilet drain.

If there is anything that we can do to make amends for our poor discretion, such as lobbing softball questions your way or receiving funds from the Department of Education or the Department of Health and Human Services or Social Security Trust for stories, please let us know. Or, more generally, if there is anything else that we can do to ensure our general well-being, continued jobs, or greater longevity, please do not hesitate to demand further of us.


Sincerely,
Newsweek Staff

[Don1]

1. Update

I just sent this apology off to the following email addresses:
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]

I am sure that it will be some delightful humor for the editors to read in their dreary business of running from the government.