Have you ever hosted a party, with drinking, for your teenager?

[napi21]

I will admit, I did! It was a long time ago. The youngest is now 36, but I'm not sorry I did.

I'm watching 60 Minutes now, and they're talking about a father who hosted an after prom party where he bought the keg, sat by the door, told everyone if they came in they had to stay and give up thier car keys.

Everything went fine, until that father was arrested a week later!

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. No

I've never hosted a party involving alcohol for anyone . I did shock my brother in law and his wife when I went to their bar when they had their 25th wedding anniversary.

[sweetladybug]

6. Nope never have and never will. My children are grown but

when they were teenages I would have had someone's ass if they gave my child anything to get them drunk or high. If parents choose to give their own children alcohol or get high with their kids, I quess it's their choice. But, my children would not have been going over to their house.

[LisaL]

2. Well, it's obviously illegal. You could get caught. And if teenager

does something while drunk, you could be charged with that as well.

[Selteri]

3. The world we live in isn't the same it was even 15 years ago

And sadly, it's only getting worse. If that father hadn't held it that way the teens would have gone to a party where the parents didn't know about it, there likely would have been drugs there (Most likely just pot, but still, who knows, no oversite) and there would have been a high possability that there would have been an accident and that someone could have died.

Yes, let's arrest a parent for insisted upon responsability.

[LisaL]

8. It's not exactly a responsible thing to allow other people's

children to drink in your home. After all, they are not your children, I would imagine some parents might have been upset when they found out, and with good reason.

[H2O Man]

16. Good point.

Not a good thing to do. You can get sued for any accidents that may occure.

I do understand the point another poster made about the reality that kids are going to go out somewhere unsupervised. It's a tough issue.

[Selteri]

27. Well, he did take the keys

I wasn't there. My suspicion was that they kids weren't allowed to leave until they were sober enough too; but, I don't know.

Now, I personally, don't generally drink. I grew up in a household ith drinking being allowed in controlled amounts and situations. If I wanted something and my parents were having a drink I was allowed to have it as well. As such I never had a problem learning to control myself or drinking too far.

That was also how they handled the parties, though parties like that it was all parents who's kids were already comming over had to talk to the teen's parents first.

[fleabert]

26. I have to say,

nothing much has changed in 15 years. I was getting drunk, smoking pot, and raising hell at 14, and I wasn't alone. That was in 1987. Same old story, more video cameras, digital cameras, cell phone cameras, email, etc... just a more rapid communication method has changed. Kids are doing the same things today that I was doing, and that was not much different from when my mom was a kid. She partied at 15 in the early 70's.

re: the OP, I agree with you, I had friends with parents like this, and those parties were the only ones where no one drove home drunk. there were also less fun, because it was so out in the open, it's the slinking around and illegality that made it so attractive.

[Warpy]

4. That is just so nuts.

Kids in Europe are allowed to drink at home from a very early age. Parents mix water and wine and get the kiddies used to drinking wines. They are allowed to buy alcohol in their mid teens. The big difference is that few can afford to DRIVE until they're working for a living.

This parent did those kids a service, allowing them to drink in a controlled setting and stay safe. Bet he talked real loud the next morning when they woke up with sore heads, too.

I've always thought the drinking age in this country was far too high and the driving age was far too low. Kids need to know what alcohol is really going to do to them before they get behind the wheel of a car. It's easy to laugh off a toppled mailbox when you drive home drunk. It's harder to laugh road rash off after you've been riding a bicycle drunk.

[LisaL]

7. The problem with raising a driving age in this country is a horrible

public transportation. If teenagers can't drive, they can't even get anywhere on their own. Not so in Europe.

[amazona]

11. yep they'll be hopping in cars with older men

Talk about your law of unintended consequences. Kids still have to get to work, get to after-school activities, meet up with friends -- lots of places the school bus doesn't go. Kids won't just give up having job and friends. They'll hitch rides with older kids or adults. Maybe the older driver will be a safe ride, or maybe he'll be a pervert with an eye for a "hot" teen.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of communists
and other subversives. We intend to clean them out,
even if it means rounding up every birdwatcher in the country.
--John Mitchell, US Attorney General 1969-72

[nonconformist]

5. In theory, I don't disagree with it

But I'd never do it, because of the legality and - admittedly - the morality of such actions.

There is wisdom in the mantra, "they're going to do it anyway, I'd rather they do it here", but it's a slippery slope when there are minors that aren't your children involved.

[brystheguy]

14. Lazy parents, is what it is.

"they're going to do it anyway, I'd rather they do it here", but it's a slippery slope when there are minors that aren't your children involved.

I disagree with this statement. If my kids gonna drink and I'm against it, he doesn't go to a party, period. He'll stay at home until he realizes how serious I am about this. Then, when he does go somewhere, I'm gonna fallow him to make sure he's not lying to me!! Parents are way too lax if they are allowing this to happen. Parents have a job to do, protect their kids. This is a piss poor job of protecting kids. These parents didn't want to fight it, so they gave in and their teen got to do what he wanted to do. By the way, I live in Kansas and I see on the news every so often how the police set up "Party Patrols" and bust up these teen parties. Go get 'em, I say!

[nonconformist]

21. Actually, I think we agree somewhat

My comment was implying that when it's your own children you might be able to say that with some merit if those are your personal beliefs and values, but you certainly can't lump other people's children into your theory. Some might say that making that statement about their own children is akin to bad parenting, others may argue that they're just being logical. In any event, people make what I consider bad parenting choices every day for their children but people will raise their children with their own belief system and values. It may be lazy parenting, but I'm not about to tell someone they have to raise their children with my morals.

Better parenting IS key when you're talking about teen drinking, sex, what have you... but you can't be naive. Control breeds rebellion, and teens are already instinctively rebellious... it's the "push away from the parent and start making your own decisions" instinct that's present in all animal life, genetically coded to foster independence and survival. Developing close relationships with your children at an early age, maintaining that closeness as much as possible, encouraging values and common sense and really explaining the need for limits and following the law (through anecdotes and education instead of simply saying "you can't") will help your children more than anything. But being naive doesn't really do them - or you - any service.

-edit: typo

[napi21]

34. Of all the post here, yours is the best.

Teens are rebellious by nature. You cannot "just say NO" and expect it to work.

I started this thread, and I was a bit surprised by some of the responses. I'm sorry to see that common sense and logic seems to be missing from almost everywhere.

[Hamlette]

22. sometimes things don't go your way. . .bry

"If my kids gonna drink and I'm against it, he doesn't go to a party, period. He'll stay at home until he realizes how serious I am about this."

A friend of mine's father was like that. When her brother was 14 he ran away. He made contact with the family again over 20 years later when he was dying of a rare blood disease. He lived a few weeks after he made contact. Broke everyone's heart and turned everyone against the father. My friend is still bitter about what her father did even though the father died and another 20 years have gone by.

If your child doesn't realize how "serious" you are about something by then, you have already failed...to teach them correctly and to earn their respect.

We handled parties like that differently. If they happened at our house, we did not buy the booze and told them we didn't want to know about it, for legal reasons, we asked the kids to police it themselves, but we kept a pretty close eye on things. If we percieved anyone was drunk, we made sure he or she left, with a sober driver or in a cab. Oh, and if that kid showed up to a party again where we suspected there might be drinking (at a certain age, there always was drinking) we said the kid had to leave.

Don't buy anyone but your own kid booze (unless perhaps you know the parents and tell them "we serve wine with dinner, no more than a glass, is that okay?") until they are of age.

[napi21]

23. I hope things turn out the way you think they will.

I happen to believe in reality. I did a whole lot of things my parents never knew about. I never got into any trouble, and was still a viggin when I got married...41 years ago, but I smoked ciggarettes on the sneak BECAUSE my mother was so adamant against it. I drank wine at some of the parties my friends had (all girl parties...went to an all girls HS). Used to borrow the car and tell my parents I was going to the social at church, and then disconnect the speedometer so they wouldn't know about the extra miles I put on going to a HS dance at another school/

I'm 61 now, and I can tell you, kids will do what they really want to do. If you're very strict about what you permit, you'll force them into sneaking, but they will do what they want anyway.

[amazona]

9. what did he think would happen?

Times have changed. I don't think it's fair, but times have changed. You can't serve kids alcohol even if your intentions are good. There are no flexibilities in the law, no room for common sense. The punishment for trying to come up with your own ideas for doing anything involving juveniles is heavy. You have to go strictly by the book. I'm surprised people still have kids. Much less socialize with them.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of communists
and other subversives. We intend to clean them out,
even if it means rounding up every birdwatcher in the country.
--John Mitchell, US Attorney General 1969-72

[Orangepeel]

36. actually, the charges were dropped because he didn't commit a crime

I saw the story. In whatever state he was in, it is illegal to buy alcohol for minors. But, since the kids brought their own, he didn't commit a crime. It isn't illegal, apparently, not to stop kids from drinking in your home. (I think they said this was true in every state but Kansas).

[AlCzervik]

10. no but then again my daughter is only 10

when i was a teenager there were always a few houses we knew we could go to and drink because thier parents "Were so cool!"

[Kali]

12. its tough

things are so strange these days - My parents had a couple parties for me, but I don't think I would do it - even though I know all the kids that would show up would be doing it somewhere else anyway. Fortunatly I guess, mine haven't asked! If its not a party - just a friend or two I have passed out a glass or two of wine or beer to other kids, but mine seem to get in just enough trouble in general that I can usually just say no you're in trouble for that thing you did....:evilgrin:

[kohodog]

13. My oldest son went to a few graduation parties like that.

But we wouldn't let him have one at our house. The risk is too great, the legal liability aside. You can go to war when you're 18, and I believe our puritanical drinking laws don't help. I believe there is less binge drinking in Europe because it's a part of life rather than a rite of passage. I heard one of my son's friend say, "Why would you only have one beer?" in response to a kid who got in trouble over a beer. The attitude was that if you're going to get busted you might as well be wasted.

That being said, I'd rather my kids learn about alcohol at home and not in the woods twenty miles from anywhere.

[B Calm]

15. I never did. I preached to my son how drinking will screw up

his life.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

17. My parents never did, but we were always served alcohol at

parties with relatives after the age of 14 or so.

As a result of being able to drink in the presence of our elderly relatives, we never thought of drinking as something daring or exciting. How exciting is it for a teenager to sip wine in the presence of a room full of adults who don't mind? Not very, let me tell you.

Of the three of us, one brother and I are light social drinkers, with two-drink limits. The other brother doesn't drink at all.

I find American attitudes toward alcohol to be extremely unhealthy. On the one hand, getting drunk is considered wonderful and daring and kind of funny, but alcohol is absolutely forbidden if you're under 21.

In my family, having a glass of wine with dinner and/or a mixed drink beforehand were fine in the context of parties with relatives, but getting drunk was considered stupid, crude, and despicable.

[greatauntoftriplets]

18. Great response, Lydia...

On special occasions, my sister and I were served wine mixed with water...a very small amount. Later, we were served wine sans water on special occasions. Like you, we never thought it daring or exciting to get wasted with friends.

I've always believed that it came from my mother being raised by a European-born family.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

20. These relatives were either born in Europe or had

traveled there frequently, so we weren't exactly the average American family.

[nonconformist]

24. That whole "taboo" vibe about alcohol in America is a problem

It encourages binge drinking and reckless, risky and dangerous behavior.

For example, I'm almost 32 but I did 99% of drinking in my lifetime between 18-20. By the time it was "legal" for me to drink, it had lost much of it's luster and appeal.

Clearly, I support lowering the drinking age from 21 to 18.

[Withywindle]

28. I agree completely...

I had this experience too - my parents always let me have a glass or two of beer or wine with dinner from when I was about 14 or 15 onward. My mom is from another country with, AFAIK, no strictly enforced legal drinking age--but even my very American dad's side of the family never blinked at the teenagers having a little wine with dinner either. I did become a binge drinker briefly in college, but the attraction passed quicly. I never saw the appeal of the massive kegger in any case.

Having a houseful of non-relative teenagers drinking under your watch is just asking for legal trouble, though -- which is a pity, because as has been pointed out, that IS the safest way for kids to learn to handle alcohol.

It's related in my mind to the damage caused by hysterically puritanical attitudes about sex: so the kid is supposed to magically know exactly how to handle it and what the right attitudes about it are the moment s/he reaches whatever arbitrary milestone is supposed to convey the grace of "permission" on them? It's like handing kids car keys on their 16th birthday without ever having taught them Drivers' Ed, in fact after having spent their entire lives trying to shield them from being exposed to cars and driving as much as possible to keep them "innocent" or keep them from wanting to imitate the "behavior."

[tsuki]

31. Same here.

[Ms. Toad]

19. No, and I never will.

Bottom line: however I feel about my own child drinking, or whatever I believe is the best way to develop a healthy attitude about alcohol, I have no right to make that decision with respect to someone else's child.

[mainer]

25. Talk about a lawsuit waiting to happen

Kid drinks at your house. Kid gets in a car accident. Injured party sues YOU.

Say goodbye to all assets.

[seaglass]

29. No but my daughter is only 15. I've been thinking a lot lately

about letting her have a drink at home. Many of the kids she knows at school drink and she is completely romanticizing the idea of being able to drink.

She will graduate in 2 years. I don't want her going away to college with no clue how to handle alcohol. I'm not sure what to do.

[Cleita]

30. My parents did all the time, but this was in South America.

In our American camp, the teen parties were chaperoned by adults who drank and often allowed their own kids to have a beer or a glass of wine along with their food. Some didn't. There was no getting drunk or binging allowed though. But this was in parties where the attendees came from various foreign countries including the USA as well as the natives.

Also, speaking of South America among the natives, back then in the fifties, there was no such thing as a teenager. When you became around fourteen or fifteen you went to the same cocktail parties as the adults with your parents and by that time had been allowed to eat with the family at the dinner table. Children always ate in the kitchen before the adults and were usually already sleeping by the time the grown ups sat down to eat.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

32. This is like the tradition that some of my German and Latvian relatives

grew up with. At age fourteen, most people quit school and got jobs. The boys were allowed to wear long pants instead of short pants and knee socks, and the girls were allowed to wear their hair in some style other than braids, either up or short. There was no such thing as teenage fashion. If you were too old to wear children's clothes, you wore exactly the same clothes as the adults.

[Cleita]

33. Yes, about the short pants and long pants thing too.

I thought it was a good system since most kid lived at home until they got married, both male and female. The teens weren't allowed to run wild by any means, but being treated like an adult was a sort of apprenticeship or internship to being a full grown adult. It also gave you a different perspective on your parents, when you saw them letting their hair down with their friends being themselves instead of the mini-gods children think of them to be.

[Pied Piper]

35. I'll chime in here

I grew up in conservative west Michigan, but my parents let us drink wine (undiluted) with special holiday dinners - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc. By the time I was in HS, and we were visiting my grandparents in "very" rural west MI, after dinner, we would pull out the playing cards and play a few games. We were treated to my grandparents favorite drink, a 7 & 7 - Seagram's Seven and 7-Up, but only one. There was no chance of us hopping in the car to go for a spin - there was nowhere to go! So we would play cards and have a drink.

We would also have a shot of Peppermint Schnapps while on the fishing boat in the upper peninsula. This while I was in 9th or 10th grade. While in HS, I was with a very tight-knit group who always watched out for each other. There was always some drinking involved, but everyone kept tabs. Sometimes I drove others home, sometimes I was driven home.

At my HS graduation, which was the same day as my best friend's 18th birthday, we had champaign at a party at his house. My parents were even there. No problemo - they had raised a kid who had tasted alcohol since 8th or 9th grade, and who had experiences with too much while still living at home. Hangover punishments were the worst. When my sister came home drunk at too early an age, I was assigned the task of mowing the lawn under her bedroom window at 8:30 am while my mother spent most of the morning vacuuming the hallway outside my sister's bedroom.

As far as I'm concerned, my sister and I grew up with a healthy attitude towards alcohol, and neither of us was ever in any serious trouble about it. Actually, no trouble at all.

Now I live in a city with great public transportation and easy access to cabs, so I never worry about how much I've had to drink. But when I visit home, I'm always very consious about how much I've had to drink, because I have to drive home. One drinksky is the limit, and then it's soda for the rest of the evening.

[LibraLiz1973]

37. I have not, but when I have children I would.

I think parents need to be more realistic about what their children are doing. I'd rather have the option of talking to my children, their friends & the friends parents about what goes on. If I were to host a party like that I would tell the other parents of the kids involved.

Mind you, this is coming from someone who partied their ass off as a teen. I had almost a dozen friends wind up with alcohol poisoning. I know girls who were raped- because they got sh*t faced drunk & no sober person was there to take care of them. I know people who have killed people drunk driving. I could go on and on with what happens when your a teen & out drinking. If you arent drinking in a safe place, chances are VERY good that your driving, or will end up driving before the end of the night. Luckily I had a core group of friends (there were 8 of us) with progressive parents. Interestingly enough we all grew up NOT to be alcoholics or drug addicts. We also all respect our parents decisions & have thanked them time and again. I thank god that I was able to be as honest with my mom as I was. Other people I knew that weren't as lucky as the 8 of us were ended up paying a high price for their parents rules.

I'll be realistic when the time comes, because I know what I did. And I know whats going on with the teens today (Nieces, nephews & cousins).

I would rather be looked down upon by people who chose to think I was being too permissive, than stand over my childs grave because I was too uptight to see what the alternatives were.

Just my opinion.

[napi21]

38. I think you and I have the same view point.

I can't say I ever partied my ass off when I was young, but I did a lot of things behind my parents back because they were extremely strict about things that made no sense.

I was not allowed to go to a drive in because it was only a passion pit!

I wasn't allowed to go to a co-ed dance at the local boy's catholic HS because...Yes, that was the reason I was given...just because!

I wasn't allowed to go to any house parties my girlfriends had because my Mother thought we might get into trouble.

I wasn't allowed to date an Italian because they were all sex feinds.

It didn't take me a lot of years sto figure out how to sneak around all those rules. I got really good at it too. Never got caught, but I might add, I never did anything wrong either.

When I had 2 boys, I was determined to be open and honest with them. Trust them until they showed me I couldn't. They never did, and they are fine men today!

[dsc]

39. I am not a parent but I would never do this

Parents have a right to raise their own children in whatever way they wish in regards to alcohol but they have no right to do this with other people's kids. I would be pretty pissed if I had spent a ton of money on rehab and this joker let my kid drink. That isn't a ridiculous senario in this day and age.