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charles_nys Donating Member (48 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 07:32 PM
Original message
A Little Bush Humor for the day
GW Bush visits a Grade 3 class and at one point asks the kids to give him an example of "tragedy."

One kid says that if his farm friend was run over and killed by the tractor, that would be a tragedy. No, says Mr. President, that would be classified as an accident.

Another child says that if a bus full of children went off a cliff and all were killed, that would be a tragedy. No, says Mr. President, we would call that "a great loss."

There is a long silence, and then little Willie pipes up from the back of the room: "If Airforce One, with you aboard, Mr. President, were hit by a friendly fire missile and blown to bits, that would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" cries Dubya. "That's exactly right. How did you decide that?"

And Willie says: "Well, it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be a frickin' accident, either."
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mermaid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 07:33 PM
Response to Original message
1. OH!!!
Damn, I like it!!
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Stop_the_War Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 07:34 PM
Response to Original message
2. haha lol
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mermaid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 07:38 PM
Response to Original message
3. A Little More Bush Humor, Then
One night, George Bush was unable to sleep, and went roaming thru the halls of the White House.

He eventually came across the ghost of George Washington. "President Washington," asked Bush, "how do I make this country better?" President Washington said, "Bring the country together, like I did."

So Bush thanked him and continued roaming.

Soon, he came upon the ghost of Teddy Roosevelt. "President Roosevelt," asked Bush, "how do I make this country great?"
Preident Roosevelt said, "be a custodian for the environment...and stop the big businesses from creating monopolies and thus taking advantage of workers and consumers, like I did."

So Bush thanked him and continued roaming.

And Bush came across the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. "Abe," asked Bush, "how do I make this country great again?"
And Abe said, "Go see a play, like I did."
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charles_nys Donating Member (48 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 07:40 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. LMAO !!!!
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joefree1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 07:41 PM
Response to Original message
5. My favorite Bush and Rush in Hell joke
So Rush Limbaugh dies and goes to Hell. Its horrible. Burning fires. Hot bubbling lava! Incredible pain! No Oxycontin. He looks over and sees George W. Bush having sex with a beautiful woman. Non-stop, sweaty, constant, back-breaking sex.

So the next time Satan is going by on an inspection tour, Rush complains. "This sucks! I have to suffer for all eternity, and that White House squatting frat boy gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

The Devil replied, "Who are you to question my punishment of that woman?"

Seating now available in the Smoking Section:
Politics, humor, death and the Devil - http://www.eDiablo.com
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teamster633 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 07:42 PM
Response to Original message
6. Thanks for the laugh.
It's so easy to get too serious and too depressed here.
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omulcol Donating Member (120 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:09 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. Agree ... here's another one then !!!!
Sent here before , but for those who may have missed it ......


George Bush is visiting the Queen of England.
He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people."
Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea.
"Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligenceriddle.
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send ThePrime Minister in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Your Majesty..."
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who isit?"
Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers, "That would be me!"
"Yes! Very good Tony ... that is correct ! " says the Queen.
Back at the White House, Bush calls in Dick Cheney.
"Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child.
It's not your brother .... and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one."
Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him an answer.
Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who isit?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy........ It's Me !"
Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!"
Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks to speak with Bush.

"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."
Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into hisface,
"No, you idiot! It's TONY BLAIR " !!!


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charles_nys Donating Member (48 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:41 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. LMAO !!!
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Lisa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:57 PM
Response to Original message
9. Dick Cheney and Karl Rove are having a strategy meeting ...
... when they get a call for help from George W. in the Oval Office next door. They come rushing in, only to hear him say, "I've been trying to put this jigsaw puzzle together for hours -- it's real hard work! It doesn't look anything like the big picture of the rooster on the box."

Dick Cheney sighs, "Georgie -- those are CORNFLAKES."
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omulcol Donating Member (120 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 05:19 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. Brilliant !!! And ........
After numerous rounds of: "We don't even know if Osama is still alive",
Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own
handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Colin Powell.
Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it so it went to the CIA, then to the NASA, then to the
Secret Service.
With no clue as to its meaning, they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help.
MI-6 cabled the White House:


"Tell the President he is holding the letter upside down!"


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charles_nys Donating Member (48 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 09:14 PM
Response to Original message
10. Here's another one...

How many right-wingers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


Six

1)one to deny that a lightbulb needs to be replaced
2)one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions
about the lightbulb
3)one to blame the previous administration for the need of a new
lightbulb
4) one to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of lightbulbs
5)one to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a lightbulb,
6)one to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the lightbulb while
dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag
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4MoreYearsOfHell Donating Member (943 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 05:27 PM
Response to Original message
12. Dude walks into a bar...
sits in the middle...one guy at each end of the bar.

He is there just in time to see the Bushes descend from Air Force 1 on the television.

"Ah, she's a horse's ass" he mutters as Pickles starts down the steps...The guy on his left comes over and smacks him.

Rubbing his jaw, he exclaims "He's a horse's ass too" as DimSon starts his descent. With that, the fellow on his right comes over and smacks him as well...

When the bartender saunters over, he says "Wow, I didn't know I was smack dab in the middle of Bush country".

The bartender replies, "Nope - horse country".
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Toucano Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 05:27 PM
Response to Original message
13. Good one. n/t
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Just Me Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 05:33 PM
Response to Original message
14. Thanks!!! These are great!!! I'm gonna print 'em and share 'em.
My friends will love 'em!!! :bounce:
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omulcol Donating Member (120 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-28-05 05:04 PM
Response to Reply #14
15. WAIT !!! The Bushes and Clintons on a Train


George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hillary Clinton are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station George and Laura each buy a ticket and watch as Bill and Hillary buy just one ticket. "How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks George W, astonished at what he is seeing. "Watch and learn," answers Hillary.

They all board the train. George and Laura take their respective seats but Bill and Hillary cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand... The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Bushes see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip.

When they get to the station, they see the Clinton's at the window buying a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Clinton's see that the Bushes don't buy any ticket at all. "Aren't you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?" says Hillary. "Live and learn," answers Laura Bush.

When they board the train the Bushes cram themselves into a toilet and the Clintons cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train leaves the station, George W. leaves their toilet and walks over to the Clinton's toilet, knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."

And you're still trying to figure out how the Democrats lost that election.

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omulcol Donating Member (120 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-28-05 05:15 PM
Response to Reply #15
16. Bush Solves a Puzzle

His closest advisors came to visit Dubya at the White House one evening and found him slamming down beers and whooping it up.
They were astonished since he had given up drinking years ago. When asked why he was off the wagon, Dubya replied that he was celebrating finishing a jigsaw puzzle.

They smiled and told him that wasn't much of an accomplishment.

"Ah, but you're wrong ..... I did it in record time.
" When asked what that record was, he replied he'd finished it in only 6 months.
Again, they told him that wasn't that great.

"Oh yeah?" said the commander in chief, "Well on the box it says 3-5 YEARS!"
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Lisa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-01-05 05:35 PM
Response to Original message
17. In December 2000, George W. Bush visited the White House ...
Then-president Bill Clinton took him on a personal tour of the place, recounting all kinds of fascinating historical anecdotes which, alas, George W. paid no attention to. He'd forgotten his mother's advice, to "go" whenever a bathroom opportunity presented itself, even if he didn't have to -- and now he was desperate for relief. Finally, as they were walking along a corridor in the private wing, he whispered his problem to President Clinton. Ever-sympathetic, Clinton offered him the use of his own private facilities -- "just around the corner there". George W. gratefully scuttled off, but having a short attention span, was unsure whether he was supposed to turn left or right. Hopping with urgency, he found the small room just in time. In it was a urinal. Not just any urinal -- this one was magnificent, befitting the leader of the most powerful nation on Earth! "It was solid gold, I swear!", he told Laura later. Laura later remarked to the First Lady how impressed her husband was, by the amazing golden urinal.

Later that day, the Clintons were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill, and said: "Well, I finally found out who peed in your saxophone."
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