When Sexuality Undercuts A Family's Ties [Alan Keyes' Lesbian Daughter]

[ruggerson]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A20005-2005Feb12.html?sub=AR

Maya Keyes is apparently going public. Good for her. Let the dishonest fundies deal with yet another truthteller.

<snip>

Maya Keyes loves her father and mother. She put off college and moved from the family home in Darnestown to Chicago to be with her dad on a grand adventure. Even though she disagrees with him on "almost everything" political, she worked hard for his quixotic and losing campaign for the U.S. Senate.

Now Maya Keyes -- liberal, lesbian and a little lost -- finds herself out on her own. She says her parents -- conservative commentator and perennial candidate Alan Keyes and his wife, Jocelyn -- threw her out of their house, refused to pay her college tuition and stopped speaking to her.

Maya, 19, says her parents cut her off because of who she is -- "a liberal queer." Tomorrow, she will take her private dispute with her dad into the open. She is scheduled to make her debut as a political animal, speaking at a rally in Annapolis sponsored by Equality Maryland, the state's gay rights lobby.

<snip>

[acmavm]

1. Paybacks can certainly be a bitch, especially when it's a family member

that has been used and abused. They know all the dirt.

[Withywindle]

3. This IS "the dirt"

It's really interesting the way the press in Illinois treated this story--or rather, didn't. Quietly, the paper where I work had a bit about it in our media-review column, about how everybody knew about Maya--she wasn't closeted exactly, just trying to be discreet for her father's sake, but also trying to reach out for support a bit, and quietly getting it--and yet never made it the story it could have been, largely because there was so much sympathy for her. It was considered too much of a hot potato, unsporting, a ticking time bomb that was going to destroy this family sooner or later, did it really have to happen on the front page?

I'm sure it would likely have been seen as more fair game if there was ever a chance in hell for a millisecond that Keyes might seriously get within 20 points of Obama in the polls--but there wasn't.

[alvis]

2. She's welcome here.

[TwentyFive]

4. Keyes is a sicko. He makes Cheney look a good person. That's not easy!

A black, female, lesbian has enough people who will discriminate against her just for what she is. Any respectable father would realize this - and be there to support his own flesh & blood.

But not Alan Keyes.

Keyes says that gays are unfit parents...but ironically, you would have to look a long time to find anybody (gay or straight) who is a more unfit father.

[Dorian Gray]

29. Hah!

You are right. Compared to Keyes, Cheney looks like Mother Theresa. I hate Alan Keyes, with a passion, and I feel so very sorry for Maya to have been born into that family. I hope that she finds success in her life and happiness through other relationships.

[CoffeeAnnan]

5. This reminds me of a very inspiring story from South Carolina where a

father, a widower in his 60's took pride in being the strong, silent Gary Cooper type and used to regale his friends in the small town where he lived about all the "queers" and "liberals" who were ruining America. His contempt for gays was very well known. One day,his only son, then 30 turned up at his door and said he had AIDs. The father totally devastated, spent the next few days talking to his son and decided to devote his life to help his son, who was now very sick, get through his last days in comfort and in the presence of love. The father would take long walks with his son until the son could no longer do so. People in that small town who were just as conservative as the Father helped out and made the last days of the son full of love.

I am really sorry that I did not retain either a link or copy that article.To me the father's willingness to give up his ego and give his son the gift of love was about as inspiring a story I have read in a long time.

[ruggerson]

6. Here's the most interesting part:

<snip>

She shares some of her dad's political and religious foundations. She is religious and deeply opposes abortion, viewing it as the taking of life.

Still, when I asked Maya whether she is glad her father lost the election, she stopped short. "Should you really be asking that question? I mean, I suppose there is a conflict, but I'm not sure I wanted him to lose. I disagree with nearly all his views, but he's very honest and has a lot of integrity."

If she could talk to her parents now, she would tell them she does not intend to hurt them by going public. "I wish the fact that I was gay was not something that would hurt them either," she says. "It wasn't anything they did that made me this way. I really don't see why what I think should affect him in any way."

...But her friends told her no, there was nothing remotely inevitable about the break, that political differences and even sexual orientation ought not result in being kicked out. Maya wrote: "They say most parents would be thrilled to have a child who doesn't smoke, have sex, do drugs, hardly drinks. . . , does well in school, gets good grades, gets into the Ivy League. . . , goes regularly to church, spends free time mentoring kids."


<snip>

So, you have a daughter who is pro-life, is religious, mentors kids, does well in school, gets into an ivy league school, and yet her parents have completely cut her off, emotionally, simply because nature hotwired her to be a lesbian.

Therein is the big lie of the religious rightwingers. Keyes is truly a monster and a prevaricator. He should be proud of this young woman, yet he holds tenaciously to his mentally ill deranged views on homosexuality and BLAMES his own daughter for her orientation.

How totally depraved.

[RoeBear]

25. A lesbians opinion on abortion is as

important as a man's. IOW - zero

[Dorian Gray]

30. Why?

She could still get pregnant. If she were raped, for instance. (God forbid!) She could also go through the process of artificial insemination to become a mother, if she chooses. She has just as much right to voice her opinion as any other woman.

[Momgonepostal]

32. I imagine the abortion rate is very low for women that go

...through the process of AI.

[Dorian Gray]

33. Of course it is

but I think that lesbian women should still be able to voice their opinions on the topic, as they are capable of getting pregnant in the first place. That's my only point. (Using AI wasn't the best example, though!) :)

[Syrinx]

40. further, I think men should "be able to voice their opinions on the topic"

As well, even though we're NOT capable of getting pregnant.

I'm completely pro-choice, BTW, and that's my opinion.

[Dorian Gray]

54. I didn't mean to say that men

had no voice. But I was struck by the original posters position that lesbians should have no voice on the issue. I know lots of people believe that men have no right, so that argument wouldn't have surprised me. But another woman? That shocked me, so that is what I addressed. :)

[Syrinx]

69. thanks for expressing that!

Seriously, some people around here are so extreme that I feel the need to point out that even straight, white, southern males are people too. :)

[Momgonepostal]

57. I think anyone should be able to voice an opinion on any topic

but don't expect everyone to take said opinion seriously regardless of what it is. It always bugs me when I seen men picketing abortion clinics. People who never have had wombs aren't taken very seriously when they tell me what to do with mine.

[Syrinx]

70. I understand your point

But men do have a role to play in formulating public policy regardless of the issue. As do women. This is coming from an advocate of choice (and not just on abortion). Anti-choice women are just as wrong as anti-choice men, in my opinion.

[Lindacooks]

45. Sure, but the problem is if a medical crisis occurs,

especially late in the pregnancy, Repukes want to prevent abortion, even to save the life or health of the mother; even when the baby will absolutely die a horrible death within minutes, days, or hours, and even if it means the mother will never be able to bear more children. Those are all reasons for late abortion (not partial-birth, which is a misnomer made up by Repukes). Not all pregnancies end up with healthy babies and mothers.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

71. Regarding late abortions:

I agree completely. And the term "partial birth-abortion" absolutely stinks! I've known of two couples where the fetus turned out to have genetic defects that were so severe as to make certain their immediate deaths either during birth or right after. Both sets of parents chose to terminate when these facts were uncovered and both sets have gone on to have much-wanted children. Sometimes the facts about the child aren't discovered until late in the pregnancy. I strongly feel that the gov't. has NO business making medical policies.

[ultraist]

65. I agree, women's rights is not just an issue women can support

It's a civil liberties issue. Right to privacy is a civil liberties issue (Roe vs. Wade was based on RtP).

We all benefit when a groups civil liberties are maintained. It's about promoting equality in OUR society.

[RaleighNCDUer]

31. You think lesbians are incapable of having kids?

My gay sister has two kids, as a result of trying to live straight for most of her life.

Also, many gay women choose to have kids by artificial insemination. And any woman, gay or not, is vulnerable to rape.

Her opinion on abortion, which I disagree with, is as valid as any other woman's.

[Dorian Gray]

34. That was my point, as well.

Only that, though her opinion may not be shared by many on this site, it's still valid. Many lesbian women may also live their earlier lives in heterosexual relationships. I also know a couple of women who came out later in their lives, after having children. The issue of abortion affects all women, and we should not disallow lesbians from the dialogue. (Even if they disagree with our opinions.)

[proud2BlibKansan]

7. I wonder if he thinks SHE is

a 'selfish hedonist'? That's what he called cheney's daughter last summer.

[Ilsa]

8. Amazing, isn't it?

That if a woman doesn't want to have sex with a man she is selfish and a hedonist. I wonder if men who don't want to have sex with women or selfish, or are they just hedonists in Keyes' opinion?

[progressiveandproud]

19. Good catch.

Somehow I think gender has something to do with being "selfish".

[longship]

9. Henican Editorial at NewsDay

I can't start a thread yet. Maybe somebody will post a new thread about
Ellis Henican's editorial at NewsDay.

Here's the link:
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/columnists/ny-nyhen134144363feb13,0,3559742.column

This is a story that needs to be told wider. If more columnists would bring this type of message forward, finding support for our message would be a lot easier. After all, the left's positions on many, many issues are the same positions most people would take.

Democrats will again win when they can personalize the issues like Henican does here--bringing the message home to the reader so that they can say, "Yes, I agree with that."

Regards,
LongShip

[CaliforniaPeggy]

12. Welcome to DU!

You are so right; Henican's story is a very good one, and quite familiar if you follow that sort of news. These are the stories that never grow old, and that need to be told. Have fun at DU!

[sellitman]

10. This is such a sad story

I hope she can recover and go on and have a productive and happy life. The warmer sections of Hell are reserved for Alan Keyes.

:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:

[Lor1234]

11. wedge issue

Keyes is paleo man

but that being said we have to counter the right wings insidious strategy of making us turn on each other over this queer issue.

we have to define our position using moral terminology

it is wrong to discrimate against gays -we are all equal before the constitution and are all gods children"

The crux is Bush and the republicans are using this to turn certain black conservative leaders to their side.

why are we in not those communities talking about affirmative action -supporting black issues
if we have no grassroots movement that talks about rights
why should black conservatives support gays and lesbians

[ClintonTyree]

58. Well said..................

and welcome to DU! :hi:

[jdj]

13. this is the bastard that called Mary Cheney a "selfish hedonist"

this people are beyond reproach.

Well, Alan Keyes sure will do anything for his white masters.

I hate to be so terribly crude, but Cheney sure didn't disown Mary, he hired her. I guess only black people have to wash their hands of their gay children.

[Hamsta1]

53. are you sure he wasn't

referring to her role in the shellfish eating contest? i've been misquoted on the exact same thing before!

(you gotta be one big pulsating, pink sphincter to make dick cheney look like less of an asshole)

[intheflow]

14. OMG! Another Republican raised a gay child?

Obviously his devotion to politics must have undermined his probiding a stble heterosexual home in which to raise children!

/sarcasm

Now if we could only get Mary Chaney to grow some ovaries and divorce herself from her RW family, we might get somewhere. Or at least stop the seemingly inevitable downward slide from GLBTQ rights to yellow stars.

[kweerwolf]

16. Just wait until Ashcroft's son make his out-of-the-closet debut ...

Then you'll see the feces hit the rotary air-circulating device.

Actually, rumor has it that the reports that were beginning to circulate about Ashcroft's oldest son, John (Jay), was being pursued for a coming out story by numerous publications may have had an impact on daddy dearest's decision to resign as head of the Justice Department.

[progressiveandproud]

20. How cool would that be! Man, I love karmuppance. n/t

[elshiva]

15. As fellow queer Marylander, Maya Keyes,

I salute your efforts! We need your voice for Equality Maryland. Good riddance to your father!

[fortyfeetunder]

17. Ah, yes, compassionate conservative

Alan Keyes and his wife should be publicly pilloried and pelted with rotten pink tomatoes for what I think is a sad and uncompassionate act to disown their own flesh and blood for honestly revealing her sexual orientation.

No Alan and Jocelyn, YOU are the sinners, who cast away their child, who has done nothing wrong except admit the person she is. Many parents would love to have an intelligent, compassionate, and talented child like Maya. She doesn't deserve your kind now.

[IceOwl]

18. Who destroys families?

With all of the conservative talk of this and that being anti-family, it's always funny and sad when this kind of thing happens. It's like the stereotypical abusive husband or boyfriend that hits his girlfriend and then says she made him do it.

[progressiveandproud]

21. Yep.

Alan Keyes is doing his best to further the stereotype that Republicans always blame the victim. Congratulations, Alan!

[IronLionZion]

23. yup...."family values" indeed

But he doesn't value his own family. :puke: Calling him a scumbag would be an insult to bags of scum.

[IronLionZion]

22. That bastard is just too cheap to pay for her college!

what an asshole! And he threw his own flesh and blood out of his house for being lesbian. :grr: Wow, what strong religious values :eyes: Hmm...what would Jesus do?

Well good for her to be who she is instead of hiding. She's probably better off without her insane parents. I think she'll find the liberal community to be a bit more compassionate.

[Withywindle]

27. She took time off school to work for his campaign...

...so he fires her and throws her out AFTER.

[Sequoia]

52. Oh, but Keyes is " without sin" so he can cast the first stone I guess.

Since he thinks being gay is sinful. To cast out your own child, he is the worst of the worst.

[ClintonTyree]

59. I wonder how the investigation......................

about Keye's illegal use of campaign funds is coming along. A lot of those donations in CASH seemed to have been misplaced. Where could they have gone? :shrug:

[Proud2BAmurkin]

24. Keyes is a filthy scumbag

n/t

[TheDonkey]

26. good for her, stand up now don't live a life kneeling

to Republicans.

[carpe diem]

28. she is literally 'stranded' in Chicago...

having to find a way back to the east coast...defending the family my ass...

http://www.advocate.com/new_news.asp?ID=15123&sd=02/12/05-02/14/05

Are you not able to go home?
Yeah, I can't go home. Although my girlfriend pointed out that if I just refuse to leave my apartment for a few more days, there's not a lot they can do about it. It's not like it was my apartment that my dad was paying for, as so many people have suggested. It was my dad's Illinois residence, so even after I leave it, it'll still be there and be paid for--it'll just have no one living in it except for a couple days a month when he's back here. So even though they said I had to get out after today, if I didn't until Friday--when I'm heading back to D.C. for the Equality Maryland thing--I'm not sure there's a whole lot they could do. I hope, anyway. I don't mind the streets, but it's wet tonight. My girlfriend is in New Jersey. I could go, but it'd take me a while to hitch out there from Chicago. I really only know one person in Chicago, and he isn't answering his phone, so I don't know. I guess at least until tomorrow night (which will, hopefully, be drier) I'll do what my girlfriend suggests and just totally blatantly ignore my order to get out . We'll see what happens. Hopefully, nothing will.

[Pushed To The Left]

35. Alan Keyes=anti-family

Disowning one's own daughter due to her sexual orientation is as anti-family as you can get!

[UdoKier]

36. Just a note RE your headline...

Maya's sexuality didn't undercut their family ties. Alan Keyes' extremist politics, twisted fundamentalist religion and intolerant attitudes did.

[ruggerson]

38. Umm... not my headline

It's the WAPO's headline.

[UdoKier]

39. Gotcha.

nt

[Occulus]

43. Yeah, very telling of the WaPo, huh? n/t

[yardwork]

37. My heart goes out to Maya Keyes

I hope she finds a mentor family who can help support her as she finishes her education, and more importantly, give her the emotional and intellectual support that any nineteen year old needs and deserves.

She sounds like an impressive young woman. I hope the best for her!

[Occulus]

42. Almost the exact same thing happened to me

I was sorely tempted to write her and tell here that she had a place if she's ever near me. I didn't; I'm still not over it happening to me. This is ten years gone, now.

I've heard people tell me over and over and over again to "just get OVER it. Isn't ten years long enough?"

Well, yes. That is long enough. I'm sick and tired of feeling the way I do, but please understand- when this happens, it's much more significant and surprising than the proverbial 'blue sky thunderbolt'. When something like this happens, it's a completely life-changing experience; many of the things we are told about growing up- things like unconditional love, for example, or one's family standing behind each other no matter what- become so many ephemeral lies to us afterward. To illustrate, I can't easily say I've received any love that's "unconditional" from my parents in light of what they did.

My parents were even more cruel about it- they kicked me out one year, and yanked my funding about three semesters later. Of course, their income was being used to calculate my financial aid, and they decided to wait until after the no-penalty class cancel limit had passed before they told me.


My father died in 2002 after a lifelong battle with FAP- that's familial adenomatous polyposis (it's a disease that creates polyps in the digestive tract, duodenum, and other 'gut' areas, polyps which can become cancerous over time). He never, ever mentioned my homosexuality to me but for once, when he told me to be safe (euphemism: use a condom. He couldn't even bring himself to say it). He never apologized, never brought it up, never said a word about it.

I didn't shed a single tear at his funeral. It took me a year to the day before I really even began to feel the loss.

I was a great deal closer to my father than to my mother; she's the one who threw me out of the house while dad was out of town. I always *felt* closer, anyway. My mom, well, she still doesn't truly know how damn lucky she is I'm even to merely speak to her, much less come over for dinner once in a while, or holidays- and I still have yet to celebrate one single birthday in my own home with what's left of my family there. My sister, who doesn't have a problem with my being gay, hasn't set foot in wherever I'm living in I don't know how many years.

We all live within a 20-mile radius.

My point is, I doubt I'll ever be truly over what happened in the sense of the word most people know. Do I want to cut them off and move away, live my life, and never, ever speak to anyone in my 'family' again? YES!! But can I? No; I still love them both too much. Oh, I want to, I want to.... I want to make my mom pay for what she did, and I want revenge, dished cold with a very small side of petty vindictiveness as a spice.

But I can't. I can't because it would just be wrong- oh, I can call her (mom) as many names as I like, and I can rub in her face what she did, but it doesn't, hasn't, and won't sink in that it was wrong. I imagine if I asked her if she would do it over again, she would say yes, and that would be a fine reason to abandon her the way she abandoned me... but that still wouldn't make my response 'right'.

I'd like for her to do something that says she's sorry, instead of just saying it; that's what she always expected of me. I won't ask for anything at all, though, because I want it to happen for her sake, not for mine, and the only way that can mean anything is if she does it on her own.

Somehow, I don't expect I'll have a lot of luck waiting for that to happen.

[Tsiyu]

44. kgfnally...what a tale

It is sad when parents value the opinions of strangers over the love of their own children.

It is hard to come to terms with being rejected, with being considered so reprehensible you are cast out and shunned.

But it ain't about you.

Democrats had best get on the right bus here. And that's the one where everybody gets a chance at a decent seat. If you want to take advantage of the bible, using it to justify your own bigotry, you don't understand the Gospels upon which the Christian faith rests.

By what measure you judge, so shall you be judged. if you want to judge a man or woman via Leviticus or Romans, you'd best be prepared to stand up to complete scrutiny yourself.

"But ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of god..."

That ALL includes Falwell and Keyes and Asshat, too.

If you judge, hate and kill in God's name, Jesus failed. It won't matter whether or not Democrats try to help prop Jesus up ... he doesn't mean anything.

Hang in there, whoever and whatever you are. :)

[yardwork]

50. I'm so sad that this happened to you, kgfnally

It sounds like your parents' rejection of you was devastating - and how could it not be. Young people NEED their parents and families.

When I became a parent, there was no contract handed to me that said "I am allowed to reject my child if he doesn't turn out exactly the way I imagined he would." As parents, we have a sacred trust.

I hope that you find peace and healing. Thank you for sharing your story, kgfnally.

[Eric J in MN]

41. How dare you make a post implying that Maya Keyes is a lesbian!

I am just as upset with you as I was with John Kerry when he said that Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian in a debate.

(not at all)

[Lindacooks]

46. Here's a question I'd like to ask Keyes and other Repukes:

Why do they think that gay parents are so horrifically scary and such a bad idea, since there are so many gay sons and daughters of Repukes? What, in their tiny little minds, did THEY do wrong to create a gay offspring? Why isn't this issue ever asked of them? What could gay parents possibly do that's 'worse' than what they themselves did to create a gay child?

Here they condemn their children, yet won't take 'responsibility' for the child they created.

Please know that I think being gay is:

1. A personal issue, nobody's fucking business.
2. The way you are, not a choice.
3. Just fine.

And if Keyes' daughter had been two years younger, there would have been a social worker at his door charging him with child abandonment. Oh, for the days of the 21 year old majority, so Keyes and his wife could be charged.

[sui generis]

47. yah! some problems with your reply

we aren't "created" in punishment for our parents' sins.

We really simply "are", just like everyone else who might be born with green eyes or dark skin or missing earlobes.

I appreciate your your passion though - thanks!

[Occulus]

51. I think s/he was saying THEY think that way.

My mom asked me the same thing. "What did I do wrong for you to turn out gay?"

[Lindacooks]

56. Yes, that's my point.

Repukes think gay parents would 'make' their children gay. So how did Repukes parents turn out gay children?

[sui generis]

60. sorry - I re-read; my brain wasn't adequately caffeinated at the time

:hi:

[Lindacooks]

68. That's okay!

:D

[joeybee12]

48. What really strikes me is her age--19

She's very courageous for someone so young.

And this also begs the point--how can any parent disown basically a child? What the fuck is wrong with these people? Mothers of criminals still go see their kids in prison! There is nothing wrong with being gay--what is terribly wrong is the sick mentality of people who think there is!

[youspeakmylanguage]

49. We're asking the wrong question...

...the question isn't whether or not Keyes is a scumbag. The question is why anyone, including his daughter, should continue to provide the man any press whatsoever, even negative press. He is a nobody. He has little to no public support when he runs for office and has been an abject failure at everything he's done, unless a president appoints him to a position.

I'm glad his daughter has come out as a strong and honest person, but I have little sympathy for anyone who knowingly supports or campaigns for a bigot, even if that candidate is an immediate family member. You reap what you sow.

[ClintonTyree]

55. Alan Keyes is a despicable human being.................

how can any man, let alone an avowed "man of god", treat his own flesh and blood in this manner? HE deserves neither the air he breathes nor the resources he consumes on this planet.

She is your child Keyes! And even if she has "disappointed" you by being a Lesbian and a............dare I say it, LIBERAL, you owe her at the VERY LEAST to be treated as a human being worthy of the basic courtesies afforded to to everyone. BUT THIS IS YOUR DAUGHTER, you miserable, judgmental, over zealous shell of a man! And you choose to treat her with such disdain and hatred.

Even dick cheney treats his Lesbian daughter better than you, and it's a well known fact he has no heart at all!

"Liberal Queer", that's the LABEL you've chosen for your daughter, a daughter that will NEVER look at you the same again. I hope you're happy you miserable excuse for a human being. Your heart must be frozen over or completely absent. I hope you're quite happy with your chosen Conservative masters, but I can't see where there is room for any happiness in your soul.

I'm not a believer in heaven or hell, but in your case I'm hoping I'm wrong. There should be a special place in hell for your ilk, one that will teach you a lesson you should have learned long ago; treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.

A man's love for his daughter should be unconditional and immovable. A daughter's love should be the greatest, most unselfish love you can ever experience. You've just proved that you are not a man, you are a thing!

[NNguyenMD]

61. This quote really pissed me off...

"Maya Keyes is looking for answers to all those conservatives who e-mail her about how she's going to burn in hell and to all those liberals who e-mail her about how she's a traitor because she won't disavow her father."

Wtf man? I don't know anyone on here who advocates forcing a child to come between, or shatter the relationship between a daughter and father. Alan Keyes is good at doing that on his own, he doesn't need help from the left.

How about some fucking proof that we really think that way Washington Post!!!

Assholes

[NNguyenMD]

62. Barack Obama should offer her an internship at his DC office...

that'll be something to add insult to injury now wouldn't it?

[quiet.american]

63. Keyes strikes me as having some sexual identity issues, himself. n/t

[geniph]

64. Keyes needs to remember a few things:

"As you do unto the least among you, you do unto me."

oh, and, the old standby,

"Do as you would be done by."

The man is indecent, pure and simple. Indecent, inhumane, and unnatural.

[KissMeKate]

66. why does Alan Keyes' daughter have a problem with self injury?

Slef injury, a common symptom of borderline personality disorder, is a serious indication of mental illness. Hes a fucked up parent!

[ultraist]

67. CNN just reported on this

Judy Woodie stated that Maya is planning on attending a gay rights rally and that she has been kicked out by her father.