I want to educate homophobes. Doable?

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

Here's the deal. I am a straight woman who is strongly in favor of full and immediate GLBT rights. I know that won't happen overnight, but I have been working on it for a while and will continue to work.

To that end, I had an idea. I don't know the particulars of how I would do this, but this is what I want to do:

I want to hold community workshops on homosexuality. Wait, that doesn't sound the way I want it to. Well, the name can be worked out later. What it would be is an honest, open discussion for straight people about homosexuality. Honestly, I think some of my straight brothers and sisters just need some education. And I think maybe it might be received well by them within the format of me and them just talking and them asking questions and all of us talking about these things.

I have three friends who used to be quite a bit homophobic and over the last five years, they have become staunch GLBT rights advocates. They even have made contributions to the Human Rights Campaign.

How did that happen? First, I had to debunk all their myths. THAT wasn't easy. That alone took a year or more. I had to have a LOT of patience and go slowly with them. We started off from me explaining the difference between homosexuality and pedophilia and homosexuality and bestiality (yes it was that bad). I defined consent, able to give consent, victim, crime, and other terms. They ended up all agreeing what two consenting adults did in the privacy of their home was no one else's business and no one was getting hurt. Again, this took over a year and these people have strong religious beliefs.

Then once they got to that point, I had to start showing them what it is like to live in the US and be homosexual. I had to point out what they are and are not allowed to do, how they have to act, etc. I gently pointed out their prejudices whenever they cropped up. And they did crop up. I urged them to search their hearts, to try to determine the basis for their feelings. Was it fear? Lack of knowledge?

We talked endlessly about biological vs. environmental factors, gay and straight parents, etc. I sent them links, had them do some reading. To their credit, they became more and more open to discussion as time went on, to the point of coming to me with their questions.

One thing I uncovered which I hadn't realized before: a lot of straight people simply don't know how to explain homosexuality to their kids and so are loathe to do so. I told them a story: I answered my daughter's question "What does gay mean?" when she was five by saying, "Most men fall in love with women and most women fall in love with men. But some men fall in love with men and some women fall in love with women." My daughter thought about it and said, "Oh. OK." A couple of them were appalled that I didn't take the opportunity to add on a judgement statement, such as "and I think that's wrong." But I told them, I don't think it's wrong. I think it just IS. I am Christian, too, so it went right back to religion and I simply said I don't want to raise my daughter to judge other people, that is not our place.

All was going well, when something rather fortuitous happened: at their church, the minister gave a sermon on being accepting and LOVING of homosexuals. At a mainstream United Methodist church in Texas!!! He said a gay couple had recently visited the church and wrote him a letter to let him know how welcoming and warm everyone was. The sermon made almost everyone in the church cry. It gave my friends that little extra push they needed.

Then the last thing that did it: one of the women had a boss who was gay (she's since been laid off, thus past tense). She knew he was gay. She adored him, they were good friends. Well, his partner of 17 years was in a car accident and was in intensive care. You can guess the rest. Not allowed to see him, his partner's parents never accepted his homosexuality and intervened in the funeral arrangements (he died) and it was HORRIBLE. Her boss told her all about this and it just tore her apart. She shared that story with us and said, "I don't care what anyone says anymore, it's just WRONG to discriminate. It's WRONG that John couldn't see Paul before he died."

It took a long time, but it was so worth it. There are three fewer homophobic people in the world, and they are affecting others they come in contact with (including their husbands). Their kids are being raised to be more open-minded.

Think I could do something like that? How would I go about it?

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. Find a venue and some supporters

Is there a church or an educational center that is liberal on this issue? Is there a civic organization that would be willing to sponsor a seminar? These would be places to start, I'd think.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

3. Thank you

I'll have to do some searching.

I'm wondering if I couldn't do it through the same church that had that sermon. They are getting less and less homophobic all the time.

The only drawback is that I also want to reach homophobes who don't go to church or who won't go to a church. And if it is at a church, I fear pressure to BE Bible-based in what I say or whatever and I only address the religious aspect when it comes up. I'm a very very liberal Christian.

I doubt my city would allow me to do it through Parks and Rec. I'll check some options out.

Wouldn't it be great? Even if they didn't walk out of there fully in support of GLBT rights, they'd at least be more educated. And I could train others to do the same thing and have it spread.

Ah the gay agenda! This must be what they are talking about! LOL!

[TexasBushwhacker]

17. Unitarian Universalist churches are very open

They've welcomed gay members for years, perform gay marriages and even have some gay ministers. They aren't some johnny come lately church either. The roots of Unitarianism go all the way back to the beginning of Christianity (300 AD), where the "Non-Trinitarians" disagreed with the Nicene Creed.

I see you're in Texas (like me!). There is NO SHORTAGE of UU churches in Texas. Each of the large cities has a few congregations and then there are others spread all over the state.

[politicat]

19. You're in Texas?

If you are, I have some contacts within the freethought community who might be willing to hold forums that are secular in nature, as long as you can be as respectful of their beliefs (i.e. not having any religion) as you are of GLBT issues.

PM me.

Politicat

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

22. Will do and thank you

I am very respectful of atheists, agnostics, etc. Believe it or not, I am a big supporter of the Metroplex Atheists of Dallas!

[NMDemDist2]

2. Moon I don't know, but that is exactly the route I have taken with my

in laws.

i think it's a grass roots thing, one neighbor at a time

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

4. You're probably right

I was just so happy over the progress made with those three that I wondered if there wasn't any way I could do it more formally, with a certain meeting place and time and ten people or less.

[ixion]

5. just a note... education isn't the problem where homophobes

are concerned.

The problem with homophobes is that many have latent homosexual tendancies or unrequetted homosexual desires, which manifests in an outward and vocal hatred.

Just my opinion. ;-)

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

7. Oh I agree

I guess I mean people who simply don't know a lot about it and are somewhat open to learning or at least discussion.

There would have to be guidelines, for sure. I'd hate to have to deal with a frothing at the mouth, violent homophobe.

My three friends were simply uninformed, misinformed, had picked up on societal prejudices, etc.

[IdaBriggs]

6. Yes. Common Problem = Misinterpretation of Sodom & Gomorrah

I have found one extremely common problem to be a misinterpretation of the traditional "Sodom & Gomorrah" story. People usually learn(ed) about it in Sunday School, and think God destroyed the city because of homosexual sex, but the reality of the situation is that God destroyed the cities because of BREAKING THE LAWS OF HOSPITALITY. This was a true crime in a desert culture because depriving people of water and shelter in an area where these things meant life and death to travelers was a REAL problem. Good luck! :) Best, Ida

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

8. Homophobia. Part of that word is "phobia"...

And that is a tough nut to crack. Fact is, these people tend to define themselves by what and whom they hate, and are quite proud of the fact that they do hate.

Now, why the repukes and why now?

Because the repuke party has been taken over by the farthest right fringe, people who were marginalised and shunted away for years, for verily, their views were an offense to the eyes of society. But the repukes, in the hope of "widening their base", danced with the devil in the pale moonlight. Now, it is The John Birch Society in all but name. Witness their easy use of the slur of communism, against those who would oppose them.

Everything old is new again.

[Sabriel]

9. Show them "It's Elementary"

It's an excellent video about teachers and students who talk openly about GLBT issues in the classroom. It demonstrates that kids can talk sensitively and intelligently about a topic many people think should be avoided at all costs.

The interesting thing to do is ask viewers to pay attention to the way the elementary students respond compared to the middle schoolers. Obviously, the older kids are full of stereotypes and misinformation and focus on the sexual aspects, but the younger ones are open to new ideas and generally reject the idea that you should be "mean" to people because of who they love. As the video/teachers/principals suggest, talk about it early and in a natural way, before students are too indoctinated by the media portrayals of GLBT folks.

It's just a fascinating video, IMO.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

10. Gonna have to check that out

didn't know there was such a thing.

I teach middle school and I have noticed a gradual rise in acceptance over the years. Homophobia is still there, mind you, but at least where I teach, gay and lesbian teenagers can be out and it is not that big of a deal.

That was SO not true when I was in school, in the 70s and 80s.

I have had many students who were known to be gay and lesbian and they were generally not bothered about it. Even had boyfriends/girlfriends. The other kids seemed not to bat an eye.

That gave me a lot of hope.

[Sabriel]

12. Here's further info

Here's a link to the distributor and some RW criticism of the video from "Family Friendly Libraries," my vote for misnomer of the century:

http://www.womedia.org/itselementary.htm

http://www.fflibraries.org/Education_Docs/ELEM99.htm

[Waverley_Hills_Hiker]

11. I would think it depends on the religous backround.

For people who have no personal exposure to gay or lesbian folks, I think if they are not particularly religous , or belong to a mainstream church, you could do it.

For people who have no personal exposure to gay people but who belong to pentacostal, evangelical, or fundamentalist denominations, and their faith is an important part of their life (they are invovled w. the church, bible study, etc), I dont think its possible.

Alot may depend on the personality...a more open minded person, or one that has a greater tolerance of ambiguity is more likely to be tolerant than someone who is a blakc and white thinker.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

13. Great post. Doable. You got it: patience, common sense, love, ...

Great post, Moonbeam_starlight. Yes, it is doable. You got it: patience, common sense, love, .... Keep doing more of the same.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

27. Thanks Bernando

you can repeat patience about 55,000 more times because it DOES take five tons of THAT!

[Cornus]

14. GLSEN

Check out this organization:

http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/about/index.html

They are doing in schools what you would like to do in the genetal community. Perhaps you could get some organizational ideas from them.

[Sabriel]

15. Love that Freudian slip!

That made my day, thanks!

[Cornus]

16. Just a typo

Should re-read before I post! Is kind of funny though.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

26. Great site!

I bookmarked it and I thank you!!!

[fudge stripe cookays]

18. You're my hero!

I would also add "And the Band Played On" to anyone's essential reading list.

It details the beginnings of AIDS. I always thought I was gay-sensitive until I read that book about 10 years ago. I bawled for a good deal of it.

And I try to re-read it once a year to keep myself sensitive and in touch with those feelings I had. I've had several friends die over the years, but I had never been that close to them. I feel much different now.

Anyone who can say that the gay lifestyle is something that people "choose" after reading that book needs to have their head examined.

No one could choose what happens with that disease.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

24. Hmm

I'll have to check that book out. There's another book out (new) about the AIDS crisis, detailing how the US has reacted to it (generally ignored it). It got a good review in today's Arts section of The Dallas Morning News.

[JerseygirlCT]

20. Well, it won't surprise you to hear me say I think

it's a lovely idea.

You might be able to work up a curriculum for a few sessions, and present it to a church, or possibly other community group.

I'm betting attendance might start out sparse, but if you open a few minds, and encourage them to do the same -- sort of passing it forward -- you'll have reached exponentially more people with time.

I also imagine, in your neck of the woods, there might be a backlash against this -- fear that you're pushing homosexuality... (Ignorant, I know, but I wouldn't be surprised to see it happen.) Would this cause a problem for you, as a teacher? (And would that even stop you!?)

I don't doubt you, of all people, could get this done.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

23. You sweetie pie!

Smooches to you!! I'm your biggest fan, girl!

[JerseygirlCT]

25. Back at ya!

Sure missing your presence elsewhere!

I think I'm still getting my "legs" here...

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

28. Well get those legs and dive in!

People like you are treasured here! I just could not take the atmosphere over there anymore...

[JerseygirlCT]

29. Yeah, I know -- not blaming you a bit

it's sad, though.

[knitter4democracy]

21. I think you can do it!

It would need the right venue. Maybe even just hosting it in a library would be good enough--somewhere safe and neutral. From personal experience, as soon as you involve churches, it becomes an ego-involved thing ("My church!" "No, my church!").

And contrary to some opinions, I think you can get through to fundamentalists and evangelicals. It takes time and tons of patience, but it can be done, especially if someone has a gay family member or friend to talk to as well. When I taught high school, I was shocked at the homophobia that came out of the kids one day when someone derided Shakespeare as gay and therefore not worth reading (long story). I highly encourage going slowly and standing your ground when tested and/or attacked.

Blessings on your work. May it come to fruition!

[Aunt Anti-bush]

30. Easy...

I once told a homophobe to consider the following. I prefer chocolate ice cream and I cannot stand vanilla. It makes me ill to think of eating vanilla ice cream. You prefer vanilla and cannot for the life of you stand to eat chocolate. Does that give you the right to hate me or to discriminate against me?

I went on to explain that being gay isn't a disease and that God obviously created a gay minority in our world and that God specifically says to love the sinner, hate the sin.

It worked in his case, but maybe he was an easy one to talk to.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

31. Yeah another good one

to use when talking about whether homosexuality is a choice or not is to ask the person, "Do you think you could CHOOSE to be gay? I mean could you, really, tomorrow morning just wake up and BE gay?" They inevitably answer that no, they couldn't. They could MAYBE force themselves to have gay sex, in other words to ACT gay, but no, they couldn't BE gay, they couldn't go deeper than that and actually be romantically attracted to/fall in love with the same sex.

Then I say, "So what makes you think gay people can just decide to BE straight? If you can't do it, why do you think they can?"

That usually gives them something to think about.

[Behind the Aegis]

32. On the correct track...

I have read your posts before I joined DU and always found that you approach subjects with such tenderness, so I am very happy to discover you are an ally to the GLBT movement!

I am a diversity presenter (and gay) so I have a variety of opinions on what makes a good "homophobia" presentation. You should have the following: education on GLBT issues and concerns, patience, visual aids or handouts (helps those with short attention spans), & an outlet for yourself.

Education -- It sounds like you already have a huge jump on this! Stay up to date with info, though. Read GLBT publications, visit gay community centers, visit gay websites.
-- Religion -- Talk with GLBT-friendly clergy and see how they came to be open to the gay community. Read What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality. Know what the current topics involving GLBT issues are within your own religious community, as well as other religious groups.
-- Cultural issues -- Learn about minority issues as they pertain to homosexuality. This includes what opinions do minority (ethnic) groups hold toward GLBT issues and people, but also what issues face minority GLBT people. In this area, I would also include issues and concerns from the elderly, those with disabilities, and socio-economic factors.
-- Medical issues -- This is not only AIDS, but all issues surrounding our health and health care. This also includes the debate over genetics and choice. This can also include topics about teen suicide, depression, and drug/alcohol use/abuse in the GLBT community.
-- Women's issues -- Often presentations about GLBT issues focus on men, don't forget the women! :) Under this topic, I include how misogyny and homophobia are often based in similar fears.

Patience -- Be prepared for the most 'off-the-wall' things possible! As long as the person (asking a question or making a comment) is not attacking someone in the presentation or the presenter, allow them to say what they feel. Then address those concerns, but don't get in a pissing contest (it is VERY easy to do).

Visual aids and handouts -- These should be things that are used to back your points up OR are examples of irrational hatred and fear. I find having video clips, music, and a few other doo-dads, help break up the session.

Finally, an outlet for yourself -- After the presentation, have a friend(s) with whom you can discuss the presentations. Discuss the things that you felt good about and the things that angered you. This allows you to take pride in what you have done, but it also allows you to relieve stress. Side note: positive stress can be created from a GREAT presentation. But, like negative stress, it too needs an outlet or it can overwhelm you.

I am not sure if any of this is helpful, but since I have literally done hundreds of these types of presentations, I thought I'd throw in my two cents!

Thank you for taking an interest in the GLBT community! Change begins with one person!

Brightest Blessings!

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

34. WOW!

Thank you for your kind words and all that feedback! I keep up on GLBT issues, but you gave me some ideas for other things I can do/read.

I truly believe there are people who simply need to be able to talk about their feelings and fears and then get some facts and they will come a long way.

Thank you again!!!!

[GoneOffShore]

33. Besides the Unitarian Church

You might also try the Ethical Culture Society
Here's a link http://www.aeu.org/society.html
They're very open and liberal (Small L).
added on edit
Texas
Ethical Society of Austin
website: http://www.esoa.org/
email: local email address
P.O. Box 160492
Austin TX 78716
[phone]
Platforms: 1st and 3rd Sunday of each month - 10:30 am - noon
Coffee and conversation 10:00 am - 10:30 am
Ethics for Children Sunday School: 10:30 am - noon
Senior Activities Center 2874 Shoalcrest Ave.
(SE corner of 29th & Lamar) Austin, TX

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

35. Very very helpful

I'm not in Austin, but I checked out their website and I'll see if they can help me!

Thank you!