How to make John Kerry more relatable to Joe Six-Pack?

[Paragon]

Ronny was a mooovie star, Poppy had horseshoes, Bubba had bimbos, and Dubya...well, Dubya IS Joe Six-Pack. So how do we make John Kerry more relatable?

Vietnam? No.
Yale? No way.
Lawyer? We only like them on TV.
The guitar? Too Peter, Paul & Mary.
The motorcycle? Too Harley-Davidson.
Hockey? Too Canadian (or worse, French-Canadian).

Gee...if only John were dumber and less polished. ;-)

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. Viet Nam? YES!!!!

Folks around my neck of the woods relate to the fact that Kerry volunteered for 'Nam. They have found out about Cheney's five deferments and how the chickenhawks avoided service. Since our local Guard unit got back from deployment, they've heard a lot more-about terrible food, no flak jackets (locals had a fundraiser to help get some), etc, etc.

[rfranklin]

2. Speak haltingly in one and two-syllable words...

and spout nonsensical phrases like "male the pie higher" and "put food on your family." Yeah, that's the ticket!

[shockingelk]

3. He rides a mororcycle, doesn't he?

I heard an interview with the guy who made the Wellstone ads. He said he'd send Kerry in a leather jacket to Stugis - where there'd be 300K independent people people who won't vote against someone but may vote for someone. Made sense to me.

Does Kerry have a rice maker? Why shouldn't he go?

[pocoloco]

4. Can't get much dumber than to trust dubya??