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Edited on Tue Jun-29-04 10:27 PM by markses
Gore: "Thank you my friends. Your Excellency, Mrs. Clinton, Governor Bush and Mrs. Bush, Governor Pataki, Senator Schumer, Mayor Guiliani, Distinguished guests too many to mention, baseball fans.
Incidentally how many people here are rooting for the Yankees? How many people here are rooting for the Mets? What do you think Mayor? Both of you guys are in trouble.
I'm honored to be at this year's Al Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner this dinner represents a hallowed and important tradition which I actually did invent.
I-uh, indeed I'm virtually certain I'm the first one to tell that joke this evening. By the way, was it my imagination or did Mayor Guiliani nod when I said, "Your Excellency"? Did you notice that? I don't know.
And, of course, I want to acknowledge FEMA director James Lee Witt who accompanied me here tonight. We travel everywhere together.
Please except my apology for interrupting your meal. Since this is a special occasion, I wanted to mark it by getting all of my interruptions out of the way before Governor Bush speaks.
And by the way, this whole notion that I have a tendency to exaggerate or embellish is absolutely ridiculous. In fact, if you look at the movie Love Story, you will notice that the Ryan O'Neil character, Oliver Barrett IV, who was based solely on me, never exaggerates even once during the movie. Now, I remember when Eric Segal was writing Love Story. He told me, "Al, I want the main character in Love Story, to exude the quality that I think of when I think of you, which is that you never exaggerate." I know some people are going to keep accusing me of exaggeration, so let me be clear. Those people seek nothing less than the complete destruction of the American way of life.
It's absolutely clear. I never exaggerate. You can ask Tipper or any one of our eleven daughters. Now, it's not as if plenty of presidents haven't gilded the lily now and then. I mean, Thomas Jefferson once said he wrote the Declaration of Independence and no one went after him.
Another thing that bugs me is when people say I'm just a wonk, obsessed with policy detail. Well, like so many Americans, I like to just kick back, relax, watch television for relaxation. One of my favorite shows is "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire". Well it should really be called "Who Wants To Be After Taxes a $651,437.70 Person" Of course, that's under my plan. Under Governor Bush's plan it would be "Who Wants To Be After Taxes a $701,587.80 Person". I see there are some contestants here this evening.
My plan to put Social Security in an iron clad lock box, has gotten a lot of attention recently, and I'm glad about that. But I'm afraid that it is overshadowing some other vitally important proposals. For instance, I'll put Medicaid in a walk-in closet. I will put the community reinvestment act in a secure gym locker. I'll put NASA funding in a hermetically sealed ziplock bag. And if I'm entrusted with the presidency, I will always keep lettuce in the crisper.
Now, it is an honor to share the dais with a descendent of the great Al Smith. Al, your great-grandfather was my favorite kind of governor. The kind who ran for president and lost. But the America of the last century would have been a better place if he had won. In fact, Al Smith ran on an agenda that was revolutionary for his time. A 45 cent minimum wage, limiting the work week to six days, building a bridge to the 1930's and I must say that it is a tribute to Al Smith that Governor Bush has adopted the same agenda this year. Where is that next joke. Oh, here's a good one. A Southern Baptist and an Orthodox Jew walk into a room full of Catholics, and …no wait a minute, that my schedule for today.
Incidentally, it's not true that I've agreed to sell ad space during my speeches. By the way, have I mentioned that the 2000 Buick LeSabre is the smoothest ride this side of heaven? This is a fundraiser isn't it? Whenever I see everybody dressed the same way, my attentae goes straight up.
Now, as usual, negotiations for this joint appearance with Governor Bush were pretty intense. We did win one critical concession. Later on, Joe Lieberman will get 90 seconds to rebut grace.
I'd like to say hello to my old friend, Mayor Ed Koch. And I'd like to, and I want to thank him for graciously agreeing to escort Governor Bush around the city for the next few days. And in that same spirit of bipartisanship, I'd like to donate all of my old stiff jokes to Governor Pataki.
Now that the debates are over, I do have to confess I did not get a chance to use some of my best zingers. Some of them are just devastating. For instance, here's one, "it appears someone skipped page 78 of my economic plan." Here's another one, "Hey Governor, can't I get a word in edgewise." Here's another one, "Governor, there I go again." "I know you are, but what am I?" And here is a really subtle one. Oh wait, I think I did use that one.
I learned some important lessons in the debates, for example, wearing Este Lauder makeup is good. Having Ron Lauder actually apply the makeup is bad. I did think it was effective when I weaved in stories of real people in the audience and their every day challenges. Like the woman here tonight, whose husband is about to lose his job. She's struggling to get out of public housing and get a job of her own. Hillary Clinton I want to fight for you.
Or uh, the man I mentioned earlier, much beloved in Connecticut, just recently and unexpectantly vaulted into the national spot light. He's a man of deep faith and conviction. Unafraid to wear one of those little hats on the back of his head in public. Faithfully adhering to those ancient rituals….Archbishop Egen, I want to fight for you.
Now this has been a hard fought race, but Governor Bush and I do have some things in common. Before I entered public service I was a religion student and an investigative reporter, so neither one of us has been a successful businessman. Let me run that by you again. Yeah, that didn't do well in the focus groups either.
You know, our mole faxed over Governor Bush's remarks, and they are very, very funny. That's why I used all of them tonight. Governor, you are on your own.
My friends, each year, we meet at this dinner for a happy evening in honor of America's happiest warrior Governor Al Smith. Every four years, you hear from those of us who are seeking the presidency, the office for which Al Smith ran. My father was not quite old enough to vote for him in 1928 but he was old enough to know why Al Smith was right and he believed very deeply in his progressive vision. I remember him telling me how some ministers in our part of the country, Tennessee, preached against Al Smith, solely because of his religion. Thank goodness America has come a long way since then. We haven't removed every barrier or leveled every obstacle. But Al Smith had the courage to summoned our nation to the higher truths of justice and tolerance. How proud he would be that today we are a whole lot closer to that more perfect union of our founder's dreams. And how proud he would be that this dinner does so much each year to lift up those who are being left behind. The journey toward an open and inclusive society here at home not only leads America in the right direction, it leads all the world. For people across the world look to our ideals and see in them a reflection of their own potential. If we hope to play our full part in helping the people of the Middle East to heal their divisions and replace the bloodshed with a secure and enduring peace. If we aspire to make real the promise of the Good Friday agreement and help to bring hope and harmony to the people of Ireland once and for all, then perhaps there is no better place to reaffirm our mission, then with the memory of the happy warrior. With an evening where we truly respect our differences, transcend them, and discover and embrace the highest common denominator of the human spirit. In closing let me extend my deepest gratitude and my heartfelt congratulations to Archbishop Egan who has assumed his position of awesome responsibility and moral leadership with grace, humility and good humor. And that's no exaggeration. I also make you this simple pledge. If I am entrusted with the presidency, I may not always be the funniest president but I will never sigh to you. Thank you. God Bless you and God Bless America.
Bush: Your Excellency, Mr. Vice President, Mrs. Clinton, Governor Pataki, Mayor Guiliani, Congressman Lazio, Al Smith, all the Smiths who are here---there are a lot of you here, distinguished dais, better known as the top 1%. Except for you Russert. Thank you all very much.
This is an impressive crowd the have's and the have-more's. Some people call you the elite, I call you my base. I'm delighted to be here with my wife, she's a fabulous person. She's always full of good advice. Just like tonight, I got on the elevator here at the Waldorf-Astoria, first time I've ever worn tails. She says "This is a big deal, George. There are a lot of important people who are going to be there tonight. So whatever you do don't try to be charming, witty or debonair. Just be yourself. Or how about the guy in the elevator. He said, "Say, anybody ever tell you, you look like George W. Bush?" I said, "Yeah, it happens quite a bit." He said, "It sure must make you mad." Or about the woman I just ran into, coming off the elevator. She said, "I'd like to give you some advice on what to wear." I said, "Well, I appreciate that." She said, "White tie is fine but you need some more earth tones." Perfectly nice woman, I think her name is Naomi or something like that. The odd thing was she handed me a bill for $15,000. Can you imagine? Sure you know a grown man paying $15,000 for somebody to tell you what to wear? Heck $15,000 these days gets you a sleep over in the Lincoln bedroom.
This evening does have a special meaning. The story of Al Smith's historic run for the presidency is truly inspiring. It gives me hope that in America, it's still not possible for a fellow named Al to be the Commander-in-Chief.
I'm pleased to be here with the Vice-President this evening. He's been promising to work harder on getting some of the details right and I hope he follows through. The other night after our third debate, just as I was leaving he said, "I look forward to meeting you in New York, meet you at the Carlyle and the dress is casual."
There is really no place like New York, especially for baseball fans, like me and Mrs. Clinton. It's a town with so many outstanding major leaguers, Derek Jeter, Mike Piasa …..Adam Clymer. Big Time. I actually have a lot of respect for the New York media. Believe it or not, even the New York Times. I like a newspaper that's predictable. When I was a couple of points down, they said my campaign was in crisis. When I was a little bit up, they said I was neck-in-neck, and as I gained more points, they said the race became vulnerable. If I win I can imagine the headlines, "Gore sweeps New York City, setbacks elsewhere."
And I see Bill Buckley's here tonight. Fellow Yale man. We go way back and we have a lot in common. Bill wrote a book at Yale, and I read one. He founded the conservative party. I started a few parties myself. Bill certainly won every debate he ever had….and well, I know how he feels. Of course, that's a matter of opinion and here is my response, --(sighs). Mr. Vice President I really wish you would stop sighing about my record.
Foreign policy has been a big issue in this campaign, and we just really had some good news out of Yugoslavia. Especially pleased that Mr. Milosovic has stepped down. That's one less polysyllabic name for me to remember. You know what this world really needs? It really needs more world leaders named, Al Smith.
There is a lot of history, not only in this city, but right here in this hotel. For years this was the home of Al Smith's opponent, Herbert Hoover. When you think of the Hoover years you think of depression, food lines, despairing people jumping out of windows. Or as the Vice-President might call it - a day in the life of Texas.
For the most part, this has been an election about issues. And I think Americans are grateful for it. We've talked a lot about our economic plans. My opponent keeps saying that I give too much tax relief to the top 1%, but he hasn't heard my latest proposal. The bottom 99% will do well when they get to split Dick Cheney's stock options.
You know when I was looking for a running mate, I was given a lot of advice that I should choose the most powerful person in New York. Somebody who could take the fight to our opponents. Somebody tough, smart, fearless, and unrelenting. Unfortunately, Xena Muca said that she was unlikely to survive the vetting process.
But I'm proud of Dick Cheney. I know the Vice-President is proud of his running mate. You have to admire Joe Lieberman. We did a little looking into his background, and found out he is quite an outstanding fellow. He is so generous. He is so good-hearted that one time, he actually gave money to a Buddhist temple.
And a lot of you know that my brother Jeb is a Catholic convert. Jeb wanted to be here badly tonight, but I told him he had a little work to do in Florida. A year ago, he assured me, we would win Florida easily. 'Course, he also is the same guy who told me once Dad wouldn't mind if I parked his car in the front yard.
My opponent and I have had some strong differences. Let me tell you a few things I've learned in this campaign. He's a man who clearly respects and loves his wife and family. Like me he married-up. I've also learned he is a person of energy, skill and determination. This year, Mr. Vice-President, I can't wish you success, but I do wish you well.
Before I close there is another man I'd like to talk about. Someone who is not here. John Cardinal O'Connor. I will never forget his funeral, inside that beautiful cathedral with two presidents and other leaders of our country. Outside were average New Yorkers who stood ten deep along Fifth Avenue. Cardinal was one of the most impressive men I've ever met. He was a moral leader and not just for Catholics. Earlier this year, when I had some things to clarify, I knew exactly who to contact. Everyone who met him met saw strength and energy, wit and intellect. He was a man who held a great position and added to its authority. He took a high office and lifted it. For anyone who aspires to leadership, he is a model. The story is told that when Pope John Paul II went looking for a successor to the great Cardinal Cook, he said, "I want a man like me in New York." The quote may or may not be true, but it turned out that way. Cardinal O'Connor was known for both his conviction and his kindness. He took people on their own terms. There were no barriers to his friendship. What a blessing to be his friend. Mayor Ed Koch, who is here tonight, called him one of the few truly heroic figures in our lives. That is how many of us saw him. And in this political season, his kind of heroism is worth remembering. Cardinal O'Connor defied all the labels. He showed us that the truth is sometimes larger than the left or the right. He was a naval officer who spoke for peace. He defended the doctrines of his church and reached out to other faiths. He knew the wealthy and the powerful, and taught that poverty in a wealthy nation, is a scandal. He spoke for the rights of workers, the rights of immigrants and the rights of the unborn. The Cardinal had a way of putting politicians on the spot, exactly where we belong. He was never a man to mince words, he followed the truth where it led, and spoke the dictates of morality. He understood that morality is what gives authority to power, and purpose to freedom and dignity and direction to all of our lives. He had a motto, "there is no love without justice." And he lived it everyday. And he proved that justice without love is incomplete. He provided that in aids wards, and homes for unwed mothers and in countless acts of caring and comfort. Where the world wanted compromise, there was steel, where the world expected harsh judgement, there was simple love. His Holiness clearly knows how to pick good men, and he's found another in Archbishop Edward Michael Egan. New York has welcomed you warmly.
It has been a pleasure to be with you all tonight. Your excellency, Laura and I would like you to come and visit our family next year. I'll send you the address, as soon as I know what it is. Thank you very much. God Bless.
ON EDIT: I got this off a right-wing site, so I had to edit out the peanut gallery commentary throughout Gore's speech. Sorry i didn't do it earlier.
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