Will Durst: Florida deluge is God's wrath for election theft

[Raster]

Cheater's proof
Florida deluge is God's wrath for election theft

A couple years ago, Northern California was hit by a big earthquake, not the BIG ONE, but large enough so we were visited by death, destruction, and the devastation of major television network satellite trucks. Instead of displaying empathy for the victims of these natural disasters, one of those fundamentalist Christian types -- I forget which one, Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell or John Ashcroft, you know, one of those holy liquid squeezebags -- laughed himself silly at our distress, claiming we had brought it upon ourselves by flagrant heathen behavior. That's right, God took time from His/Her busy schedule of tempting potential sinners and answering the prayers of body-painted football fans to throw down a 7.1 temblor because we buy a higher percentage of the buttless chaps sold in this country. And all across the land, you heard muffled harrumphs of agreement from the faithful.

But all during the rains of Hurricanes Charley, Florence, Ivan and Jeanne, have you heard one word about this string of storms being God's retribution on Florida for the wholesale hijacking of the 2000 election? Nothing, right? Why? Because so far no one's been stupid, ignorant or backward enough to link the two: ludicrously suggesting that God has enough free time on His/Her hands to give a real rat's ass about our petty squabbles.

Until now. Cuz that's my job.

Did you ever hear of cheater's proof? 4 Hurricanes in one season. People, how much more evidence do you need? Would 8 do it? 17? Well, it doesn't matter, because you're going to get all the evidence you want and more. That's right, I talked to God and just like Al Gore, He/She is still pissed about Bush's ballot pilferage. He/She knows what Katherine Harris did, and He/She plans to keep flinging these storms the length of America's dangling appendage right up till the election unless Florida turns the dastardly miscreant and all incriminating evidence over to the proper authorities.

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http://www.workingforchange.com/article.cfm?itemid=17765
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And before anyone has a hissy fit, please bear in mind that this is satire. That's right, a form of comedy.

[Goldmund]

1. Florence?

[Raster]

3. Hurricane Florence, 1953

Florence was a Category 3 storm in the Gulf which weakened some just prior to landfall 8 miles east of Destin. Winds at Eglin AFB reached 84 MPH (the roof of the base gymnasium housing 200 shelter occupants was partially torn off). 6.94 inches of rain fell in a 24 hour period prior to landfall (with over 9 inches of rainfall during the three day event). The tidal surge in Choctawhatchee Bay reached 4.5 feet and some homes were cut off by rising waters at Garnier's Beach. There was considerable roof damage inland in Crestview.

[Goldmund]

5. "But all during the rains of Hurricanes Charley, Florence, Ivan and Jeanne

I think he fucked up. He meant Frances.

[Raster]

7. probably, but who's counting.....heh heh heh

[HarveyBriggs]

2. Yeah. but they'll still have hissy fits.

To go too far left of moderate, one must agree to have one's sense of humor removed.

It's required, the same way the Bushtanistas have to sign loyalty oaths to see their graven image of a God speak.

Harvey Briggs

[fugue]

4. Actually, I'm extremely far left of moderate . . .

. . . and it was my first thought when a third hurricane was reported.

Of course, I'm known to have a very dark sense of humor. . . .

[Goldmund]

6. me too

I guess moderates have to fight their image of lameness somehow. :)

[orpupilofnature57]

8. I'm blaming * for the hurricanes,

And lame moderates without a sense of humor for fucking up 2000 and 2004 elections.

[Goldmund]

9. Hey.

2004 hasn't been fucked up yet.

But you have a point about 2000. For sure.