New Law, ‘No Politician Left Behind,’ Would Pay Congressmen Based on Performance

[roxiejules]

Humor from Andy Borowitz:


'No Politician Left Behind’ - Controversial Law Draws Howls of Protest from Lawmakers


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – A government think-tank today proposed a controversial new law, “No Politician Left Behind,” which would pay congressmen solely on the basis of performance. The law, which was proposed by the University of Minnesota’s Institute of Government, “would make a serious dent in the Federal deficit because few if any congressmen would ever have to be paid,” said the Institute’s director, Davis Logsdon.

“If passed, this law would be tantamount to the establishment of ‘Work Panels,’ which would determine whether individual congressmen are accomplishing anything,” said Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA). “I, for one, would be in deep, deep trouble.”

House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) said that creating performance standards for lawmakers was “an insult to the institution of Congress.”

“We have spent millions of dollars, some of it out of our own pockets, to get to Washington,” he said. “We did not come here to be treated like teachers.”

[zalinda]

1. Love it!!!!!!!!!!!!! n/t

[Ter]

2. “would make a serious dent in the Federal deficit"

That part is wrong. All politically elected bay combined wouldn't make any dent, let a lone a serious one.

[roxiejules]

3. But that is the rhetoric used by politicians against us...

everytime they want to cut Social Security.

[ZombieHorde]

4. It's a funny thought, but I would not like really like to see this happen.

My fear is many Congress members would not be paid, and this would be yet another obstetrical for poor people to be members of Congress.

[Flashmann]

5. They'd still have

their REAL money......The bribes!!..