Best Stephen Colbert Quotes Ever (in honor of his birthday)

[locopolitico]

Best Stephen Colbert Quotes Ever

"Newt Gingrich is so pro-marriage, he can't stop doing it. He is so morally upright, that he's only had sex after he was married. Just not always to the woman he was married to." —Stephen Colbert

"I'm upset that Mike Huckabee criticized Natalie Portman for having a child out of wedlock. Listen, I'm no fan of unwed mothers either, but this is Natalie Portman we're talking about. That unborn child is Luke Skywalker." —Stephen Colbert

"We got somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 states. We could lose a few. I mean, do we really need two Dakotas? And NEW Hampshire? I'm sure the old one's fine." —Stephen Colbert

More: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bl-stephen-colbert-quotes.htm

[eppur_se_muova]

1. Well, $#!% -- accidentally unrecced! nt

[corkhead]

2. I've got your back ;-)

[loudsue]

3. Me2. K & R

:kick:

[BladesOfAiur]

4. Here's a gooood one

''Newt knows that before he throws his giant hat into the ring, he has to explain his past positions -- specifically, why those positions were so often on top of women who weren't his wife.'' —Stephen Colbert

[tanyev]

5. How do you choose a favorite? All-time classic:

"Reality has a well-known liberal bias."

[on point]

6. THAT"S my favorite!! So true, and explains so much to the delusional

[Initech]

16. Another one:

He's talking about pro-life doctors who refuse to prescribe birth control: "For this guy life begins when you first think about having sex."

[Raschel]

7. Tim Pawlenty is made out of manila envelopes.

Steven is the best!

[russspeakeasy]

10. Great.

[progressoid]

8. He's so truthy

''The 'truthiness' is, anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news...at you.'' —Stephen Colbert, on the premiere of The Colbert Report

[rbnyc]

9. Stephen Colbert takes revenge on my alma mater:

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/88463/june-11-2007/revenge-on-knox-college

[underpants]

11. 2006 -Colbert compares Rush Limbaugh to Charles Manson ...then FRANKEN!

http://crooksandliars.com/2006/11/16/colbert-defends-limbaugh-for-carrying-the-water

[BeliQueen]

12. My two favorites

"I TEACH Sunday School, motherf!@#er."

"I didn't know this thing was the f'ing Magna Carta."

[Skratchez]

13. On stealing Bill O'Reilly's microwave

"Honest to God. One can only imagine what might have been warmed in this mighty chamber. Maybe Sean Hannity nuking a hot pocket. Maybe Alan Colmes reheating his mug of gruel. Or Steve Deucy softening a banana so he feed it to a chimp in a top hat."

[The Wizard]

14. Ted Hitler

very funny bit.
http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-february-16-2005/bloggers

[Initech]

15. One of my favorites is from the old This Week In God segments he did on the Daily Show:

"And that's it for this week in God but before we go, let's check last week's collection plates. The Catholics are number one once again, followed by the Baptists and the Methodists. Ooh, Scientology - I'll just check variety, and finally - Jews for Jesus, buptkiss! But can you really put a price on offending two religions at once?"