Gay people are under attack in America

[bocadem]

The small victories of the past few weeks have done more harm than good as the sleeping homophobia monster awakens.

A rant by bocadem.
---------------------------------------------------------------

I see it everywhere and it sickens me. On a daily basis I am assaulted by pro-family imagery. Our president talks about families as the christian hate-mongers who support him attack gays as some kind of anti-family pack of demons. Any news of gay rights approaching that of straight rights sets off alarms for these people and puts their propaganda effort into full effect - and the people listen.

I suppose some background is in order. One of the best ways to understand an opinion is to understand the writer of that opinion. I'm a 23-year-old gay male who has recently felt under attack. Not directly, but in a more collective sense. I'm not the activist type, nor do I fit in with the stereotypically gay, but I am a part of their social group. I relate to their problems and when a victory (or defeat) in the world of gay politics occurs, I feel it.

I've been feeling it a lot lately. My friends, who are all straight, have been getting into serious heterosexual relationships. There has been talk of marriage and in one case there has been a pregnancy. Assuming nothing, I have continued to be their friend as I have been for years. But something is different. This new game of "dress-up" that they are playing has had an odd, homophobic side effect. They are now empowered by their relationships, barrelling down the tracks, towards an altar and a ceremony, and I have been left behind.

Not just left behind, but excluded. Seen as a threat to the sanctity of their heterosexual union, the faggot has been removed from the picture. Gone are their days of being young, liberal freethinkers. Replaced by God-knows-what. Perhaps kids and minivan. I know these people, or at least thought I did. They are in love with the thought of playing the part - being just like they see on TV. Which brings us to the problem. It's Queer Eye vs. Everybody Loves Raymond - with sponsors stuck in the middle.

Everyone knows it's not normal to hate gay people. Generally you can't tell if someone is gay by their appearance. Unlike hatred towards black people, fueled by a type of xenophobia because of a difference of appearance, hatred towards gays is different. In my experience there are three categories of gay haters:

1. The abused
2. The religious
3. The closeted

The abused are people who have been sexually assaulted, usually at a young age, by someone of the same sex. Their traumatic experience has led them to hate anyone who is like their abuser.

The religious are blind. I pity them. That's all I can say.

The closeted have built a wall and a mechanism to hide from their true self. The way to hide is to lash out at gay people. I am sorry to say that I did this, briefly, at a young age.

So what's with the new gay hate? It's not even really gay hate - but homophobia in it's true form. My friends who are getting married aren't #1, #2, or #3 - they're just regular folks. Yet their behavior towards me has definitely taken a turn for the worse. Just like America's behavior towards the gay mainstream.


Forget Queer Eye. Forget Boy Meets Boy. Forget Will & Grace. Contrary to what some people argue, these shows do not indicate the beginning of mainstream acceptance. There is an effort in Hollywood to experiment with these shows, and so far things are looking good, but there may be an unwanted side-effect. Polls recently have been showing a decreasing support of gay marriage. Something or several things have triggered society's gay reflex and people are saying, "You mean they actually wanted those rights they talked about?" No, we were just kidding.

All I want is to be left alone.

The supreme court ruling that got rid of sodomy laws will help me do exactly that. How dare anyone, especially the government, concern themselves with what goes on in my bedroom (nothing much, lately.. but I digress). Gay people don't want special rights, they want equal rights, and here's a news flash: Equal rights aren't about power, they're about fitting in, blending in, and being left alone. Heterosexual marriages don't make the news, but if it's a gay civil union, watch out - it'll lead at 5pm in some cities.

So what's the point?

The point is, someone, whether it be Hollywood or the corporations is realizing that this 10% of the population has A LOT of disposable income to spend and we want to feel normal. We want to fit in.

The other 90% is having a hard time with it. I wish I knew why. Some of them are #1, #2, and #3 - the others, I suppose they are just resistant to change, but I hope that they're not like my friends, playing House - with the TV image of Mom & Dad, apple pie, and 2 kids with a dog - because it's those people who can actually stop the forward movement for gays.



"We don't talk to the gays..."


"There's a gay uncle somewhere in our family tree, but we don't talk to him..."


"Ahhh, it's great to be straight!"

[mourningdove92]

1. Great post, bocadem

I agree with you. Yes, we have won a great battle with the recent Supreme Court ruling, but, as usual, this has turned the homophobes into frothing at the mouth, demonizing maniacs.

What do we want???? We want to live our lives. My partner and I have been together for 16 years. I don't "think" about us being lesbian. We have been together so long, she is as much a part of me as my own shadow. I don't think about it when I say, "Honey, look at this" while we are shopping. It doesn't cross my mind to be "mindful" of offending someone when we are walking together and I just naturally reach for her hand.

In some ways, I think the increased homophobia is a backlash against the "in your face" tactics of some in the gay community. While I am not activist in this area, I support those who are. What the homophobes must understand is that the gay community refuses to go back into the closet, refuses to hang our heads, and refuses to accept anything less than total equality.

I have a feeling that Gay rights will be a major issue in the upcoming Presidential election.

God help us.

[Newsjock]

2. Well said

I still want somone to ask any politician who opposes gay marriage -- or who even voted for the Defense of Marriage Act or any of its state variations (yes, this includes many, many Democrats) -- this simple question:

"In light of your opposition to recognizing loving and committed same-sex relationships, what do you say to gay people to convince them they should not leave the United States?"

I want to hear their answers, on live TV. I want them to say that they do not want gay people in America. I want them to say that they don't mind gay people in America "as long as they keep it to themselves."

That will trigger the greatest outmigration of talent and wealth the United States has ever seen.

Our transformation into a banana republic will be complete.

[The Zanti Regent]

7. So sad, so sad

Canada's gain will be America's loss.

:-(

[roughsatori]

3. Thanks for writing that

I do think that the Right Wingers are giving us the backlash due to progress. But never think progress hurts us, that is what they want us to think. That is how they've kept people in the closet since the Matachine Society. Progress is not the problem, bigots are the problem.

Here's a link to something I posted earlier that you might like to read; Is Gay the New Black?
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=104&topic_id=173457

[Skittles]

4. wow

Perhaps that's why I don't have an ounce of homophobia in me - I have never wanted to "play the part". I've never wanted to be married. I've always been "different". Maybe I just identify with others who society perceives as "different". :)

[Shakeydave]

5. Peace to you!

You have a far harder row to hoe than I! Remain vigilant and bring the lower masses to enlightement! :loveya:

[Tinoire]

6. Wow... I'm very sorry

My best friends in the world were 2 gay men who'd been together 10 years until Bobby died and I moved away at 35 to a different continent and lost touch with Peter.

Your pain really comes across. I am really sorry and don't know what to say except that true friends don't care.

We're all different in our own ways and I don't think your feeling of not fitting in is limited to gays. I know that no matter how heterosexual I am I will go to my grave not fitting in. And yes, it is a lonely, lonely feeling but you're really not alone dude. It's a part of life. Part of growing up... part of everyone going their separate ways.

You'll find your little niche, please have no fears about that. And please don't think religion has anything to do with it. I'm as old school Catholic as they come and yet I would welcome you into my home, my parties and constantly be by your side if you were my friend. Just as I was with my 2 best friends until I had to move.
You take care of yourself and peace.

[dudeness]

8. well written bocadem..

I agree with all you say about todays younger set...you would think getting married is some sort of great achievment..big deal ..its a stupid , expensive, pointless exercise.. and having been there a couple of times it doesn't prove endless love or any of that crap..so I dont see why gay people would wish to engage in such a futile exercise..only too no doubt line the pockets of divorce lawyers in the future..

[dback]

9. Hang tough, kiddo--it IS getting better.

I'm 36, and can't even begin to tell you have things have changed in the 12 years since I left my college town. The number of Fortune 500 companies offering domestic partner benefits--very conservative companies--is continuing to tick upwards. The Supreme Court has decriminalized sodomy NATIONALLY, not just on a state-by-state basis. Major wedding magazines and websites are starting to include gay information as part of their regular agenda. Vermont has civil unions, California has the most sweeping domestic partnerships in the country, and Massachusetts and New Jersey are considering gay marriage; other countries have gone ahead and legalized it--including our neighbors to the north. The Episcopal Church has a gay bishop. Hate crimes are down (though their severity is still a problem). And don't diss the pop culture touchstones--they're a major reason people under 30 are much more likely to support gay rights and gay marriage than seniors, because it's something they've grown up with and is not foreign or frightening.

Yes, the pendulum is swinging now, post-Supreme Court, because people are having a momentary freak-out. But Vermont's been doing the civil union thing for a couple years now, and people are starting to notice that the state hasn't collapsed yet. (In fact, it's one of the few financially solvent ones.) Folks just need a little time to adjust.

And don't be too quick to discount straight people--there are tons of them out there who're fighting for our rights, just as much as gay people are. My partner and I had 175 people at our commitment ceremony/wedding in 2000, and about 150 of them were straight, and said it was the nicest ceremony they'd ever been to. And in that crowd were some 15-20 kids who're going to remember the day, and who know us and love us as their "uncles." And those are the kids who'll be voting in the very near future.

Cheer up! And fight the good fight! In the words of Dickens, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...."

xxxooo

[bocadem]

10. kick this sheeeat

I am drunk! weheee!

[TheBigGuy]

11. pretty good post...thanx.

I feel pretty much outside the pale too.