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AlCzervik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-20-04 12:20 PM
Original message
You can't mock the President or say "balls"

May 20, 2004

You Can't Mock the President or Say "Balls"

The Most Important Thing I Learned in School This Year


The following is an essay written by a High School sophomore in Freyburg, Maine, as the essay part of the final exam in his English class. His teacher sent it to CounterPunch as an example of the uprightness of modern youth.

The most important lesson I learned this year in school is to pay attention in class and not to doodle while the teacher is talking. The worst thing you can do is draw a picture that shows President Bush's head on a pole with blood gushing out of his bulging eyesballs. If you do something like this, it means you're probably going to blow up the Oklahoma Book Depsitory, or fly remote conrtrol planes into the White House, like the CIA did on 9/11. Even if you're only 15 like me, you can hijack a bus (like Sandra Bullock did in that cool movie, Speed), and drive it into the Bush ranch at Waco, and burn all the children to death.

I learned that drawing pictures of the President with his arms growing out of his head is no laughing matter. It's bad to make the President look stupider than he already is. You can't draw him writing memos on wide-ruled paper with a crayon, or dressed up like a cowboy and playing with toy pistols in the Awful Office. That type of humor isn't funny. You can't make him look like Alfred E. Newman from Mad Magazine, with blood gushing out of his ears.

It is OK to draw a picture of Saddam Hussein on all fours, with Condolisa Rice in a furry African bikini and rings around her neck, holding the evildooer on a leash, and Donald Rumsfeld whacking him on the behind and making him bark like a dog, because that's just a frat prank (like the sexy girl soldier Lindy English did at that prison in IsraelI mean Iraq). But the President is God, which is why his picture is on the dollar bill, and why you can't make him look like an elephant like those soldiers did. You know. Kneeling with his feet up in the air and one finger in his nose and the other in his anus. That's really bad.

You can't draw the president's face on a stick, even if you make it look like a lollypop or a Bubblehead doll. You are a bad person if you do that and if you do that, the Secret Police will come to your house at midnight and make you stand on a box with a shopping bag over your head and electrodes attached to your generals. Then they'll bulldoze your house into dust! (Which is way cool to see them do that on TV.)

If you make fun of the president that means you hate him and are a enemy combatant. The president has so much to worry about, like his physical fitness and if he takes his sedatives on time, he doesn't need some wise-ass kid sneaking into the Lincoln bedroom at night and fucking his wife (you shouldn't say fuck), or his really cute daughters, who drink a lot and fall down at parties and are pretty easy. The president was bad too, like his daughters, before he learned that Jesus wanted him to kill all the Arabs. The president is truly blessed, so you can't tell your freinds you made a videotape of him masturbating and sent it to Seymour Hersh. You can't do that, because one of your friends may be an informer for Homeland Security and then they'll chop your fucking head off!

What I learned this year is that the President is not someone to mock. Even if he is an idiot and a war criminal who deserves to be hanged, and even if no one in the media has the balls to say so. (You shouldn't say balls either.)

Billy Wilson

Billy Wilson can be reached through his teacherat:

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Gildor Inglorion Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-20-04 12:28 PM
Response to Original message
1. Woo-hoo! I want to adopt that kid...
He sounds like me at that age. Naturally, I'm much more radical now.
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MikeG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-20-04 12:28 PM
Response to Original message
2. Where's this kid's parents?
Edited on Thu May-20-04 12:28 PM by MikeG
15 year olds should not be writing "fuck" in letters.
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Gato Moteado Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-20-04 12:44 PM
Response to Reply #2
8. i don't think a 15 year old wrote it
i think you're seeing a little civil disobedience by an author pushing the limits. and, he has balls for sure.
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drthais Donating Member (771 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-20-04 12:29 PM
Response to Original message
3. check out the email link
write the kid a letter
I did
and, although I kind of sideways admonished him
about the language factor
I congratulated him for being informed
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Gato Moteado Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-20-04 12:35 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. do a google search on the email address
it belongs to douglas valentine, a writer and poet and harsh critic of chimpy and the misadministration. check this out:
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OneBlueSky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-20-04 12:50 PM
Response to Reply #6
9. I kinda thought that was just a hair too glib . . .
for a 15-year-old . . . and nothing in Valentine's bio suggests that he's a teacher . . . and what teenager would want to be called Billy (as opposed to, say, Bill, or Will) in this day and age . . . still, it's a brilliant piece that I shall happily pass on to others . . .

"elecrodes attached to your generals" . . . too funny! . . . :)
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boobooday Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-20-04 12:33 PM
Response to Original message
4. Electrodes Attached to your Generals!

My son used to call it his "agenda," which I thought was brilliant.

This kid is a future leader. Funny as hell.

He didn't mention anything about putting the president's head on Doris Day though . . .
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dakota_democrat Donating Member (334 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-20-04 12:35 PM
Response to Original message
5. what the #@$%
I don't know if I should be impressed or mortified by this letter. I'm assuming that if one student's writing this kind of material, many others are thinking it. I don't think this kid's going to grow up and be a true blue Democrat (not that I worry about whether we're raising liberals or conservatives anyways), but he'll probably just become more cynical of the political process in general and join the ranks of those who don't vote or take any part in the process. Dropping the F-Bomb, I don't care, it's not like none of us hadn't heard/used it by his age.

The rampant partisanship that's grown under the ass-clown regime is going to chase many potentially great contributors to our society away from the political realm...Ass-clown's antics may hurt our foreign relations for years, but the real damage is going to be done within our borders, where the truly good people will stay away from politics and let the dredges of our society run it for the rest of us.

We're screwed.
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rkc3 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-20-04 12:41 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. If we're going to call names...
at least get it straight - Bush is a no-talent ass-clown, Liberace was an ass-clown.
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