The Adventures of T. Boone Pickens, Episode 9

[TygrBright]

The Collective has apparently recruited a new member who 'knows something about music'...

The Adventures of T. Boone Pickens

Episode 9

by ThShifties

A conference room at McCain headquarters. Legendary billionaire T. Boone Pickens has been invited to help the Senator screen the first examples of his new, more assertive ad campaign.

Ad Exec: I’ll start the presentation as soon as we’re finished booting up the computer, gentlemen.

T. Boone Pickens: These guys any good, John Boy?

Senator McCain: The best. Same ones that beat the stuffing out of Kerry in ‘04.

Pickens: I thought you told everybody you weren’t gonna go negative.

McCain: They promised me these would be positive.

Pickens: leans back in chair. I gotta see this.

Ad Exec: Looks like we’re ready to go. This first promo is based on the success of the Gingrich-sponsored campaign about drilling. Where his slogan is ‘Drill Here. Drill Now. Pay Less’, we’ve further simplified that, and punched it up a bit. Let’s take a look:

On the screen: a closeup of Old Glory, waving in the breeze. The Battle Hymn of the Republic plays, softly, in the background. Against the backdrop of the flag appears, in enormous white letters:

Drill.

A second later, the rest of the message:

Happy.

Followed by a photo of a smiling McCain, with the legend:

Hero.

Fadeout

Pickens: Am I imagining this, or did you leave out the candidate’s name?

Ad Exec: That was intentional. When you think about it, the only place it’s absolutely necessary is on the ballot. From a promotional standpoint, it’s better if the public thinks of the candidate as “Hero.” A single word. More impactful.

McCain: I suppose I could change it legally. You know what I like about that ad? It’s not negative.

Pickens: It’s not anything. There’s no content at all.

Ad Exec: Market research suggests that content actually detracts from the message. Besides, this candidate is known for getting straight to the point.

McCain: Well, I really like it.

Ad Exec: Maybe we should move on to the next one. Now this is designed to appeal to the younger voters. The idea is to incorporate youth-themed material.

On screen, a sequence of fast cuts of urban scenes. Against this gritty background, a woman with long hair appears. To a heavy hip-hop beat, she sways her hips and begins to rap in a high, clear voice:

Woman Rapper:

You wanna be hip. You don’ wanna be a zero.
Get yo ass downtown, and vote for the Hero.

Don’ matter if you smart, don’ matter if you dumb,
All ya need is ID. And a finger or a thumb.

If you vote our way, we’ll buy you a gyro,
Or a pizza if you want. Put the tab on the Hy-ro.

A horde of dancers appear, begin break-dance routines. Music crescendos, then softens.
As it does, the following appears on screen, superimposed on a photo of a smiling McCain:

It a thug world. We be needin’ us a Hero.

Fadeout.

Pickens: aghast Who in the world was that woman?

Ad Exec: Enya. Our consultants determined she has crossover appeal to young moderates. Killing two stones with one bird, so to speak.

McCain: I am getting really excited!!

Pickens: Me too. Where’s the toilet?

More Episodes:

Episode 1: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=370148&mesg_id=370148

Episode 2: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=372406&mesg_id=372406

Episode 3: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=372824&mesg_id=372824

Episode 4: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=373182&mesg_id=373182

Episode 5: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=373183&mesg_id=373183

Episode 6: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=373339&mesg_id=373339

Episode 7: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=374156&mesg_id=374156

Episode 8: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=374157&mesg_id=374157