The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 253

[top10]

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 253

July 24, 2006
Instant Massage Edition

It's a case of Prez Gone Wild this week as George W. Bush (1,2) gets fresh with his hands - and his veto pen. Elsewhere, Mike DeWine (5) fails to exploit 9/11 properly, John Gosek (6) goes to prison, and James Inhofe (9) explains global warming. Enjoy, and don't forget the key!



George W. Bush

Time was that the job of the Secret Service was to protect the president from the public. Now it's looking increasingly likely that the Secret Service is going to have to start protecting the public from the president. At the recent G8 conference, Our Great Leader apparently lost control of his senses and decided to give German Chancellor Angela Merkel an impromptu (and unwanted) back rub. In the middle of a meeting. In front of the media.



Classy! But if you thought that was the end of President Hands McInappropriate's antics last week, think again. Here he is "playfully" greeting Rep. Al Green (D-TX) at the NAACP convention:


Honestly, next time George goes out in public, I think the Secret Service should fit him with one of these...




George W. Bush

George W. Bush vetoed his first bill last week, and somewhat unsurprisingly it was a bill which would have given hope to millions of people who suffer from incurable diseases. Can't have that, can we?

Bush vetoed the bi-partisan stem cell research bill (which passed the Senate by 63 votes to 37) because apparently he's the most moral president ever and thinks that life is so sacred that performing revolutionary medical research on invisible clumps of cells is equivalent to walking up to someone and shooting them in the face. (But - and I must stress this point - it's not the same as dropping bombs on civilians. That's called "collateral damage in the fight for freedom.")

Strangely, while announcing the veto, Bush chose to surround himself with families who have all benefited from embryonic research and the destruction of numerous blastocysts. (Or as Tony Snow might put it, the mass-murder of defenseless babies.) The families had created so-called "snowflake babies" by "adopting" embryos which had been created during the in vitro-fertilization process, a medical procedure which, curiously, is championed by the very same people who think stem cell research is conducted via satanic ritual.

There are around 400,000 blastocysts currently stored in deep-freeze; the by-products of IVF treatment. Before the president vetoed the stem-cell research bill, they could have been used to search for cures for diabetes, Parkinson's disease, multiple sclerosis, and many other devastating illnesses. Now he's vetoed the bill, there are two options remaining: they can either be adopted, or thrown in the trash.

And incidentally, when the snowflake families "adopted" their embryos they had to go through the normal IVF procedure, which involves implanting several blastocysts into the womb in the hope that one will turn into a baby.

The other blastocysts? Let's just call them "collateral damage in the fight for fertilization."



Anti-Abortion Nutjobs

So given the fact that around 70% of Americans approve of stem cell research, what was Bush trying to gain by vetoing the bill? Well, he's still in dire straits politically so Karl Rove obviously saw a good opportunity to throw a bone to his conservative base (or the "backwash" as Stephen Colbert might say).

Last week Karl explained the science behind stem cell research to the editorial board of the Denver Post, saying that there is "far more promise from adult stem cells than from embryonic stem cells." Which is just plain wrong according to most stem cell research scientists.

Fortunately Rush Limbaugh was on the case, telling his listeners last week that "you need abortions" to get the embryos for stem cell research. Which is also just plain wrong. But at least Limbaugh stood with most stem cell research scientists and denounced Karl Rove's incorrect statement about adult stem cells. Just kidding. He said, "Karl Rove got in trouble the other day for telling the truth."

So who are the people that Karl and Rush are trying to fool? Let's meet them.

A memorial service for an aborted fetus concluded today without the planned burial in Smith Park.

The 11 a.m. service was part of an eight-day protest led by the anti-abortion group, Operation Save America, in an effort to shut down Jackson Women's Health Organization, the state's last remaining abortion clinic.

Wow. Uh, so, whose fetus is that?

Father Frank Pavone, director of Priests for Life, said the fetus, which is being preserved in a formaldehyde-like solution, will be buried in Alabama in a few months.

Pavone said he received the fetus from an anonymous pathologist who asked him to give it a proper burial.

Pavone said the fetus was aborted at about 18 weeks. It has been used in demonstrations in New York and Columbus, Ohio, he said, and will be in several more before being buried.

I see. So the anonymous pathologist asked the priest to give the fetus a proper burial, and the priest put it in a jar of formaldehyde and carted it around the country to use as a prop in anti-abortion demonstrations. Makes sense.



The Bush Administration

Karl Rove and Rush Limbaugh aren't the only ones leading the charge to spread misinformation about stem cells and abortion...

A new study released by Rep. Henry A. Waxman finds that federally funded pregnancy resource centers often mislead pregnant teens about the medical risks of abortion, telling investigators who posed as pregnant 17-year-olds that abortion leads to breast cancer, infertility, and mental illness.

According to Waxman, since Bush came into office certain "crisis pregnancy centers" have received $30 million of taxpayers' money to lie to pregnant women about abortion.

Twenty of the 23 centers reached by the investigators (87%) provided false or misleading information about the health effects of abortion. According to the report:

* The centers provided false and misleading information about a link between abortion and breast cancer. There is a medical consensus that induced abortion does not cause an increased risk of breast cancer. Despite this consensus, eight centers told the caller that having an abortion would in fact increase her risk. One center said that "all abortion causes an increased risk of breast cancer in later years," while another told the caller that an abortion would "affect the milk developing in her breasts"and that the risk of breast cancer increased by as much as 80% following an abortion.

* The centers provided false and misleading information about the effect of abortion on future fertility. Abortions in the first trimester, using the most common abortion procedure, do not pose an increased risk of infertility. However, seven centers told the caller that having an abortion could hurt her chances of having children in the future. One center said that damage from abortion could lead to "many miscarriages" or to "permanent damage" so "you wouldn’t be able to carry," telling the caller that this is "common" and happens "a lot."

* The centers provided false and misleading information about the mental health effects of abortion. Research shows that significant psychological stress after an abortion is no more common than after birth. However, thirteen centers told the caller that the psychological effects of abortion are severe, long-lasting, and common. One center said that the suicide rate in the year after an abortion "goes up by seven times." Another center said that post-abortion stress suffered by women having abortions is "much like" that seen in soldiers returning from Vietnam and "is something that anyone who's had an abortion is sure to suffer from."

Quite the twofer this one - feeding women a line of bullshit about their reproductive choices AND furthering the dumbing down of America. Way to go, Bush administration.



Mike DeWine

This year's Senate race in Ohio is heating up, so the incumbent Mike DeWine has decided to play the GOP's favorite trump card: 9/11. DeWine recently approved TV ads attacking Democratic candidate Sherrod Brown on national security, using images of the burning World Trade Center to make his point. Which is a bit strange considering that DeWine was the Senator for Ohio on 9/11. It's like saying, "Hey, vote for me - I was in charge when this happened." And as we've all become more than aware, Republican foreign policy has made the world so much safer since then.

But it turns out that DeWine can't even exploit the world's worst terrorist attack properly. The controversial ad was pulled last week after it was revealed that the images of the World Trade Center weren't real - they were computer generated. Not only that, but they were wrong - the ad shows the South Tower on fire when in fact the North Tower was hit first.


So, knowing DeWine's penchant for computer-generated attack ads, I've decided to helpfully create some new ads he can use in the run-up to the November elections:






John Gosek

Time now for a Conservative Morals and Values update of a story first mentioned in Idiots 215: last week, the former (Republican) mayor of Oswego NY, John Gosek, was sentenced to three years in federal prison. According to the Associated Press:

John Gosek, mayor of Oswego from 2000 to 2005, admitted paying $250 to a woman he believed had lined up two 15-year-old girls for sex at a suburban Syracuse hotel. The woman was an FBI informant who secretly recorded her conversation with Gosek as part of a sting operation.

Oh dear. Gosek's defense lawyer, Emil Rossi, tried to get him off the hook by claiming that since the girls were fictional, he should be treated in a more lenient fashion. Unfortunately (for Gosek) the law says that it doesn't matter - he thought the girls were real at the time.

Rossi also tried to claim that Gosek has a "personality disorder that makes him think of himself as important to every woman he meets when he drinks alcohol." He filed a psychologist's report which read, "The alcohol fuels his ego and at the same time reduces his morality."

Gee, that's amazing. Who would have thought that alcohol could fuel mens' egos, make them think they're more important to women, and reduce their morality? I'm astonished. Having learned about this amazing "personality disorder," I think that legislators should move immediately to add a new warning label to all alcohol containers. Something like this perhaps:




Mark Albertini

John Gosek isn't the only alcohol-related conservative idiot on the list this week - meet Mark Albertini, who's running for governor in Tennessee. Albertini has raised a whopping $500 for his primary campaign against state Sen. Jim Bryson, and appeared last week at a rally in Knoxville. Everything went well until police found him standing at an intersection about two miles from the rally where he "appeared to be unsteady on his feet."

Albertini was subsequently arrested on suspicion of public intoxication and spent the night in the county lockup. According to the Associated Press, "The arrest report says a search of Albertini's car turned up a bottle of wine and a pistol."



Tony Snow

White House press secretary Tony Snow seems to be developing an interesting new technique in his press briefings - when he gets stumped, he asks reporters to give him the answer. As noted a few weeks ago in Idiots 251, Snow answered the question "What has been the President's reaction to the death of Ken Lay?" by saying, "I don't know, what do you think would be the appropriate thing to say?"

Then, following Bush's appearance at the NAACP convention last week and the revelation that there are no African-Americans among the top 20 White House staffers, this exchange took place:

QUESTION: If he is proud of the diversity in his Cabinet, wouldn't you expect him to improve diversity amongst the White House staff?

SNOW: What the president does is he looks for the best available people.

QUESTION: And they're all white?

SNOW: I don't know. Why don't you tell me?

Er, I don't know. Why don't you do your job and answer reporters' questions instead of asking them what they think all the time?



James Inhofe

Global warming is starting to take its toll on endangered species, one of which happens to be a particular group known as "Republicans who are still trying to claim that global warming is a myth." Certain animals belonging to this group are fighting hard against extinction though, including Sen. James Inhofe of Oklahoma who appeared on Glenn Becks's CNN Headline News show last week. Earlier in the day Inhofe had appeared on Beck's radio show where he gave his scientific opinion on climate change, saying that Al Gore was "full of crap." Here's part of the CNN HN transcript:

GLENN BECK: As I pointed out to the radio listeners, you're a pretty brave guy, because, you know, if you come out against global warming you're either a nut job or you're just clearly in bed with big oil, and thus you should have no credibility.

JAMES INHOFE: Yes, well, you know, I have to say this, and I'd say that probably 75 percent of the viewers that are watching this right now have bought into this thing, this global warming thing, in saying that it was manmade gases.

(snip)

...in all of the recent science, as I've mentioned on your radio show, it confirms that I was right on this thing. This thing is a hoax.

A hoax? "In all of the recent science?" I guess Inhofe missed the latest report by the National Academy of Sciences which said that "recent warmth is unprecedented for at least the last 400 years and potentially the last several millennia" and that "human activities are responsible for much of the recent warming." Funny that he missed that, considering he's the Chairman of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee.

To be fair though, Wikipedia notes that "In the 2002 election cycle oil and gas companies contributed more money to Inhofe's campaign than any other congressman except Texas senator John Cornyn. The contributions Inhofe has received from the energy and natural resource sector since taking office have exceeded one million dollars."

So who to believe? James Inhofe or the National Academy of Sciences?

Hmm... let me think...



Katherine Harris

And finally: "Probe Moves Closer To Harris" blared the headline in the St. Petersburg Times last week. No, Katherine Harris hasn't been abducted by aliens who are now in the midst of a curious intergalactic medical experiment - she's involved in an "escalating inquiry" into her contacts with defense contractor Mitchell Wade, who pleaded guilty to bribing Duke Cunningham earlier this year.

I noted in Idiots 242 that Harris had enjoyed a cozy $2,800 dinner with Wade, who also happened to give her $32,000 in illegal campaign contributions back in 2004. Now two of her former aides have been "invited" to an interview with the Justice Department.

Can it get any worse for Harris? Her campaign is beset by crashing poll numbers, resigning staffers, embarrassing gaffes and blunders - and now a widening investigation. With all these disasters it's hard to point to a single reason why Harris's campaign is one of the worst in history. Unless...

...maybe there is something to that intergalactic medical experiment after all.

We're not sure if there is going to be a Top 10 next week. Check back in a week to find out.

-- EarlG

[DYouth]

1. Most of these are criminals, not idiots

And you could make a case none of them are conservative.

Just pointing out, otherwise well done!

[bleever]

3. Also, typo: missing initial "T" in post title.

I cavil, because I care.


top10: :yourock:

[IntravenousDemilo]

52. And in #6, about John Gosek, it should be m-e-n-apostrophe-s.

Men is already plural. The word mens doesn't exist in English -- even if it does appear on innumerable shithouse doors -- which means there's no mens' either.

[chervilant]

20. Has Anyone Noticed?

Has anyone noticed that Bush just can't keep his hands to himself? Have you noticed that he has a tendency to use touch in a manner that suggests he is the Big Alpha Dog and everyone else should be overjoyed that he condescends to "touch" them? He uses nicknames and trite endearments in much the same manner. Does anyone else find this grossly offensive? It looks to me as though Chancellor Merkel was grossly offended. How arrogant of Bush to presume he could touch her in such a manner!!!

Hooooo-argh!! I can't wait until this moron is history!!!

[PurpleChez]

23. Yep. A few days ago, someone posted a link (I wish I still had) to

a collection of photos showing Preznint Stumbledrunk's bizzare fetish for rubbing bald heads. The most offensive was a photo of him rubbing a little Black boy's head, as this reminded me of tales of my mother's college roommate (a southerner, in the early 60s) who at football games would rub Black students' heads for luck. Was this sort of thing going through the Chimp's gin-addled brain? It's not hard to imagine him guffawing to himself, "Hyup! Rubbin' this li'l darkie's heeyid is a'gonna bring me good luck! Yup!" The man's mere presence is grossly offensive. History is going to be merciless to all of us for this man.

[brg5001]

33. Idiot & Criminal -- It's like "tastes great AND less filling"

Why can't they be both? (ha ha)...We in Florida particularly enjoy reading about our dear deranged debutante, Katherine Harris. Let's hope that her situation becomes a "template" for the rest of the country: A certifiably wacky, independently wealthy, self-described "Christian" ditzoid engenders such devotion among the wingnut set that her nomination becomes a foregone conclusion. Everyone knows she can't win, but God's Own Candidate depicts it as a vast conspiracy against the Chosen Ones. Centrist Republicans (we actually have them here -- they talk about the environment and NEVER mention the rapture) avoid the race because they know that against the mobilized minions of the Church of the Godlike Embryos, they have no chance. This leaves the wingnut set firmly in control...of the primary, that is. What happens after that is a kind of political slaughterhouse. (BTW, latest polls shows her down only about 40% against Nelson...so far.)

Let's hope this little drama plays out in every state! It makes politics FUN again to see such a scenario of sanctimonious, self-absorbed psychotic self-immolation. Thanks Katherine for your seamy sideshow. No doubt she will run away with the Republican nomination, and carry the ball directly into her own end zone! If there is a Top 10 Conservative Idiots for all time, she must be in the Top 3.

[Craig3410]

2. Why no top 10?

What's wrong?

[EarlG]

4. I'm out of commission next weekend

It depends on what happens during the week; if I have time to get it done before the weekend then there will be a top 10 next week.

[Lautremont]

11. Or, alternately, there may not be ten Republican idiocies to document.

Ha! as Mrs. Krebaple might say. I don't know how you keep it down to ten, myself.

[eviltwin2525]

16. Apocalypse, then

Or maybe they'll blow up, burn down or melt the whole planet before then; or at least screw things up so bad JC will blow his whistle and go, "dang, I thought I had another 10,000 years of vacation, but you boneheads have screwed it up so bad -- all right, everybody out of the gene pool!"

[ElboRuum]

30. Hey, isn't the Rapture next week?

Or is it the week after? Either way, I need a haircut. Don't want to meet the abyss not looking my best.

[rkc3]

32. That's why I've been working out - want to look good when I'm stripped

naked and assumed to heaven.

[sakabatou]

5. I've been thinking Earl G,

Of making the Top 10 into videos. Would you mind that happening?

[Bleacher Creature]

6. Was there a DU thread about those nutjobs in Mississippi?

Sorry, swamped at work this week.

[SammyBlue]

7. Doesn't Angela Merkel look so happy.

Spot on 25 karat gold as usual. . .but it's going from idiocy to criminality.

[ElboRuum]

28. Good.

You can't prosecute idiocy.

[bleever]

8. Rec. 5 for this edition of a favorite franchise of the internet(s).

The very sherbet of the week's feast of news.

[oasis]

9. Sherrod Brown/Donkey Kong was a nice touch.

:rofl:

[Initech]

10. Ah, I love reading stories of bad campaign fundraisers!

It gives me hope for America yet!

[DeepModem Mom]

12. Good one! LOL!

[felman87]

13. Condi's not AA? Middle East peace Impossible?

It said that Bush didn't have any African American (what's wrong with saying black?) staffers. Isn't Condi Rice one? (I thought she was but I could be wrong.) Also, I thinka good candidate for the Top 10 would be that Ex-Porn Star who's running for Governor in Nevada. (She's Republican I believe. They really do have great moral values!) What about Rice in the Middle East? Will the Arab worlds unite with the US or will they be engulfed in chaos?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
http://www.felsbestpageintheworld.com/wp/
The best for a reason!

[40ozDonkey]

17. Let's turn to Nick Adams

(what's wrong with saying black?)

Heh, Nick Adams in his book, "Making Friends With Black People" wonders what's up with "Afro-American." He guesses that if it had to be after a hairstyle, at least that's better than Jherimerican or being called a High Top Fade.

As to the original question I don't think cabinet positions are considered staffers. I think he's talking about people who get paid over 100k a year to hold titles like "Director of Lessons Learned."

No shit, "Director of Lessons Learned." This from the people who promise smaller government every 2-4 years.

[felman87]

19. African American

African American doesn't even make sense to me. I'm part black (35%I've actually done the math, the rest of that is caucasian) but I'm from Brazil, that doesn't make me African Brazilian (That sounds gay.) What about Black people in Britain (yes, there's black people there) ARe they considered African Americans too? But I can't be considered black either, I'm really more of a mocha. I truly am a riddle wrapped in a mystery, covered in dilemma and trapped inside of an enigma.

[The Wizard]

25. There is a term for people like you:

human being

[swimboy]

39. Welcome to DU

Enjoy your stay.

Pardon me if I sound gay, but I am gay.

[geardaddy]

42. I believe in Britain

blacks are referred to as Afro-British, but that's in survey questions.

[PurpleChez]

24. Condi is a cabinet secretary. The discussion was about why

there isn't as much diversity among staffers as there is among the Cabinet.

[geardaddy]

41. She's in the Cabinet

Not a WH staffer.

[orleans]

14. thanks for the chuckles and smiles. n/t

[Bhaisahab]

15. whaaaaat??!

no Top 10 next week? oh man :-(

[ContraBass Black]

18. 5 and 7 are priceless.

[Jesterstear]

21. I'll say it again - stem cell bill was just worthless posturing

People need to stop talking up about how the stem cell bill was bi-partisan. Before any voting was done, Republicans knew that Bush would veto and they knew that they wouldn't have the votes necessary for an override. Thus the bill became a way for many Republicans to vote for something they didn't agree with, safe in the knowledge that it wouldn't pass. This let them try to appeal to the moderate voters while making sure their name wasn't on a passed bill that would alienate their fundie voter block.

To me, that's not bi-partisan. Bi-partisan is when both sides are voting the same because they all honestly agree.

[cagoldensun5050]

22. ...

I guessed exactly right the icons that would be used for BUllSHit and his anti-choice brethen! Hypocrisy, anti-choice, religious nut, pandering!

EDIT: They should have homophobic, Islamophobic, and anti-Semitic icons as well! From what I heard, the anti-choice crazies in Miss burned a Quran, a rainbow flag, and picketed a synagogue!

[The Wizard]

26. The repube leadership

has abandoned Kathy Harris. Maybe they want her to become a "suicider" in a fit of depression. She does know where the bodies are buried, just ask Joe Scarborough. She could expose Jebby's role in the 2000 Florida election rigging.

[Demeter]

27. Danger Signs: Bush Is "Decompensating"

which is a fancy way of saying Bush is acting like a nutjob in public. Cheney has done that since Day 1, and Condi has her moments (such as inappropriate shoe-shopping). So now that Kkkarl isn't running the nuthouse, the inmates are.

But the Saudis called their dogs to heel, and now Condi is pontificating about a ceasefire she said 24 hours ago was unattainable. Peace will be restored.

[YOY]

29. As both an Ohian and a Gamer I loved Number 5!

Good job Earl G!

"Giant Monkey Attacks" :rolf: :rofl:

[screwfacecapone]

31. As a fellow Ohioan and gamer I loved it too.

Especially the grand theft auto and sim city refrence!

[a la izquierda]

34. well, i'm just giddy with delight

that a senator representing my state thinks global warming is a load of crap.
it's a liberal conspiracy, you know, to um, prevent corporations from doing what they want.
:sarcasm:

[Montauk6]

35. Sounds like Dan Quayle is knocking on your door...

I'm listening to Stephanie Miller's show now (11:40AM, EST), she just reported the former veep left a John Mellencamp concert with a HARUMPH and a GOOD DAY SIR! after Mellencamp intro'ed a song with something like, this is for the poor people left behind by the current administration.

Actually here's the news story: http://www.suntimes.com/output/entertainment/cst-ftr-quayle24.html

[ProgressiveFool]

36. Brownback honorable mention

Sam Brownback ought to get at least an honorable mention for his talking embryo presentation...

[Peanutcat]

50. Hey, there's only 10 slots

I'm thinking we need to have a Top 25 Conservative Idiots every week. It's not like don't have enough canidates . . . . .

[Up2Late]

37. LOL! Giant Monkey Attacks!

I love that one!

[swimboy]

38. Want to watch heads explode?

Suggest that the 400,000 frozen blastocytes should be made available for adoption by same-sex couples.

[Blue Gardener]

40. Or Non-Christians

What if atheists want to adopt those frozen embryos? Or Muslims, Buddhists, Wiccans, etc...
I don't they would like that too well either.

[kitkat65]

43. Stop! Stop! You're making Jesus cry. n/t

[katinmn]

44. Tony Snow is proving to be a bigger loser than Snotty

I didn't think that was possible.

You could have a whole Conservative Idiot week devoted to the Snowman.

As always, thanks for the grins.

[thinkinglib]

45. I have to ask.

Consider the following quote from #2:

"...and thinks that life is so sacred that performing revolutionary medical research on invisible clumps of cells is equivalent to walking up to someone and shooting them in the face."

Am I the only one who was expecting a Cheney hunting joke to follow?

[Peanutcat]

51. I thought that was a Cheney hunting joke . . . . .

[Hubert Flottz]

46. sprechen ze deutchbag?

He don't even sprechen ze English. And I don't think that lady wants to have a kalt bier with good ole boy George either!

[NMDemDist2]

47. kick for the night shift n/t

[greiner3]

48. After months of passing this article by;

I've finally discovered it. I hope your cryptic message is not to soften us up for cancellation of the said article. Heck, it alone is worth the price of admission. I vote to keep it going. It shouls only get better in the next few months. I'm waiting for Blackwell to start his anticipated listings.

[MasonJar]

49. Can we get Jeb at the same time?