We found Padilla's al Qaeda application, U.S. says

[UpInArms]

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/13614792.htm

After the U.S. military invaded Afghanistan to oust its Taliban rulers, authorities found a locker full of applications to join al Qaeda's holy war overseas.

Among the alleged applicants: José Padilla, the former ''enemy combatant'' who once lived in Broward County.

A prosecutor produced the alleged document for the first time Thursday in Miami federal court, where Padilla pleaded not guilty to conspiracy charges that he was a recruit for a North American terrorist cell with South Florida links that aided Islamic jihad abroad.

<snip>

Pell said Padilla's July 24, 2000, application was authenticated by a ''cooperating government witness'' convicted in an unrelated case who had once filled out the same Arabic ''mujahadeen data form.'' She said Padilla's date of birth, Oct. 18, 1970, was on his application along with his adopted Muslim name, Abu Abdullah Al Mujahir.

...more...



:wow: I guess that there were secretaries that verified references and offices with plush carpets and interviewers and background checkers and just maybe there were stock offerings too?

[RagingInMiami]

1. Can't he just pull an Alito

And say he can't remember anything about that application?

[zbdent]

19. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good one!

[Oreo]

82. He wasn't interested in Al Quaeda's terrorist activity

He heard they had a good bridge club so he applied

[katty]

106. you have to fill out an Application to get in??! who knew

[nookiemonster]

113. BWAHAHAHA

The application process... Now, that shit is funny!

:rofl:

This crap is really some sort of macabre comedy. Right?

Reassure me! Dammit!

:rofl:

[bowens43]

2. Applications???ROFLMAO!!!

:rofl:

[rkc3]

25. That's what I was thinking.

Do the applications require references (this student was voted "Most Likely Blow Himself Up")?

Is there an essay? How I spent my summer vacation - planning to destroy the Great Satan.

And they could find these records, but nothing Alito ever wrote can be found?

[saigon68]

45. The Whole Idea is ridiculous

I woonder if they have the urine test results?

[henslee]

56. What is wrong with you? Your sarcasm only emboldens the enemy.

[rkc3]

64. It's only because I hate Freedom.

[savemefromdumbya]

72. did he fill in a form?

this is too ridiculous!

[Coexist]

85. Was there also a Personality Profile

so they could find the best department for someone of his temperament?

[RazzleDazzle]

87. Oh, membership cards, secret decoder rings, the works, I bet

[buddysmellgood]

116. Did he have to show if he was a citizen? Green card? Naturalized?

[xxqqqzme]

54. I liked that as well

was there a resume attached? statement of personal strengths & weaknesses? a picture?....a locker FULL of applications.

Their lies R even crap.

[myrna minx]

95. Can you imagine what el-Qaeda's human resources dept .

is like?!?! :silly:

[HockeyMom]

128. Memberships Card Issued

when your application is approved? DOUBLE :rofl:

[Newsjock]

3. And perhaps

it shows that Padilla claimed membership in Concerned Alumni of Princeton, too.

[sasquatch]

4. Who did he use as a reference?

:D

[rodeodance]

8. KICKYPOO

[leveymg]

15. His probation officer.

[alfredo]

94. Rep Dana Rohrabacher

[ugarte]

5. What were his SATs?...nt

[alcibiades_mystery]

6. Question 8b: Have you ever been charged with a crime (excluding minor

traffic violations)?

Answer:

Explain the circumstances________________________________


In related news, prosecutors also produced Padilla's al-Qaeda personality test and I-9 form.

:rofl:

My question: Is one of al-Qaeda's #3 guys the head of Human Resources?

[Skink]

10. So his application was on file...

We keep all applications for up to 6 months.

[alcibiades_mystery]

18. Prosecutors failed to produce al-Qaeda rejection letter

Dear Mr./Ms. PADILLA:

As you may know, we receive a large number of applicantions for the position of TERROR CELL MEMBER from qualified applicants all around the world. While we are currently pursuing other applicants for the position, we were impressed by your qualifications and drive. We will hold your application for six months, and contact you should a new position open up.

Thank you for your interest in al-Qaeda,


Atta-ur Rehman
Coordinator, Human Resources

[LizW]

52. LOL!

:rofl:

[Politicub]

66. ROFL!!!

I needed some levity today!

:rofl:

[Missy Vixen]

71. I know this isn't supposed to be amusing to any of us

but this is comical as hell to me. What's the new employee orientation like, for instance? Are they cube rats? Do they wear uniforms? How about their mission statement? Are they required to sit through productivity meetings? Does anyone have a t-shirt?

"Listen, _______, Osama is wondering who used the last of the TP in the executive washroom and didn't change the roll. We all have to pitch in here. After all, the Great Satan will not be defeated by those who can't even clean up after themselves."

>As you may know, we receive a large number of applicantions for the position of TERROR CELL MEMBER from qualified applicants all around the world.<

The application must be somewhere online so that future members can download it and fill it out.

Julie

[americanstranger]

89. I've got an application here!

http://tinyurl.com/bnt6e

Actual image at bottom of this thread...

-as

[meegbear]

75. BWAH-HAHAHAHAHA!!!

[katty]

107. LOL!

[UpInArms]

22. Another question: Was there drug screening?

Did they use the urine or the hair test?

Did they follow EEOC guidelines?

Did they offer dental/medical/life insurance benefits?

[genieroze]

110. life insurance benefits?, does suicide count?

[Auntie Bush]

114. Don't you remember...al-Qaeda's #3 guy has been killed or captured

about 10 times already...so he can't can't be head of Human Resources?
So get your facts straight before you post nonsense like someone else
I know!
Sorry...the devil made me say it!

[berni_mccoy]

7. LOL! Does the application have the CIA isignia on it?

:rofl:

[stop the bleeding]

9. Man talk about being organized, Did they have a 401k also?

Did they also need a copy of his SSN card and driver's license, upon approval for hiring. If this is true we don't stand a chance.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[DoYouEverWonder]

12. They probably file 1090's every year

with the IRS.

[davidinalameda]

17. they have a pension plan not 401k

:wtf:

[XemaSab]

86. With up to 3% matching on the 401K....

Not to mention health, dental, and vision.

[Thor_MN]

102. How long before they are 100% vested in their employer match virgins?

Do they have to belong for five years before they attain the full 72?

[XemaSab]

117. It's 100% matching up to 3% of salary

If you want to invest beyond that, you're welcome to but you're on your own.

[banana republican]

88. Do they have survivors benefits For suicide bombers??? n/t

[leesa]

11. OMFG!! Applications for AlQaeda...and Americans will believe this!!

[0007]

41. Absolutely! This sounds as silly as junior being the prez

[radwriter0555]

13. AN APPLICATION? oy vey. Who makes up this crap?

That's the STUPIDEST thing I ever heard.

[NIGHT TRIPPER]

30. HAHAHAHA AHHHHHH APPPPPPPlication? for AL Quaeda? it's not even a real

organization--it's just the name used by the CIA to group --it originated as the label on a CIA computer file, I think in Germany--I'll get back with links--

[latebloomer]

14. Did it come out of the same office

that miraculously found Mohammed Atta's passport in the smoking ruins of the World Trade Center?

[area51]

111. That's exactly what I thought of too. (n/t)

[malaise]

120. I wondered if it was found in

that passport.

[susu369]

16. Betcha al-Zarqawi's application is in there somewhere, too

*nt*

[rooboy]

20. & I suppose the NSA is bugging us in search of Al Qaeda telemarketers. n/t

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

21. I feel stupider just by reading this. n/t

[buddysmellgood]

23. Well Mr. Padilla, we're certainly impressed with your qualifications. You

have done some very nice work, although we'd like to see more head lopping and car bombing. We've decided to take you on. Akmud will take you around and show you the breakroom. You can have your pick of any open cubicle. Maheeb's is free. He won't be coming back, although Jagrib has already claimed his stapler, nipple clips and bone saw. Help yourself to the C4. Just be sure to mark it down on the inventory sheet. We like to keep track of what we use from the U.S. stockpile.

[stop the bleeding]

26. what about the break room???

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[boise1]

58. 'How would you deal with a difficult co-worker? REALLY difficult..'

[stop the bleeding]

68. send them a link to DU and educate the Freepers - Welcome to DU boise1!

:toast:

[Johnny Noshoes]

130. Remember Jose

just don't mess with Osama's red stapler he gets real touchy about that baby :)

[mourningdove92]

24. Mr Padilla, are you now or have you ever been a member of

the Republican party? Boy Scouts? Pat Robertson's 700 club?

[NV Whino]

27. Yes, but did they accept his application?

I hear the requirements are pretty tough.

:rofl:

[skypilot]

28. Did he fill out the "application" in English...

...Spanish, or Arabic?

[rucky]

29. Do you get a free handbag with your membership?

you can't make this shit up!

[skypilot]

33. "you can't make this shit up!"

Apparently, you can.:)

[Maeve]

51. No, it's a backpack!

Explosives not included...but it does come with a water bottle.

[daleo]

31. Application? Don't they insist on resumes?

Better yet, a C.V. What kind of piker outfit is this?

Their reference checks must be a hoot. "Yes, I am calling about Mr. Padilla's experience as a terrorist. He claims he worked for you in 2001 as supervisor of terrorists. Could you please verify that statement?"

[UpInArms]

36. Is he a "team player" or a "go-it-alone" kind of guy?

Is he a self-starter?

Does he take criticism well?



(edit spulling)

[stop the bleeding]

40. I wonder if there is a 3 month probation period. Ahh you see things

are not really working out. So we out gonna ask you to move your desk to the basement.

[ixion]

32. they can find Atta's passport millions of tons of rubble, and they can

find Padilla 'application' form, but can they find a crusty, old CIA stooge on dialysis? Nope, not even. :dunce:

[LibDemAlways]

34. There must be al Qaeda storefronts in the Middle East

where kids can go in and ask "Do you have any openings?"

Reply: "Well, we had two suicide bombers who blew themselves up yesterday in Iraq, so you're in luck. Here's the application. Oh, and before we can hire you, you'll need to take a drug test and if you're under 18, we'll need a work permit."

[Beetwasher]

35. Al Quaeda! "Ask Us About Our Comprehensive Benefits Package!"

n/t

[AnneD]

37. The app doesn't count...

unless they have the correct ids (SS card and Drivers lic). They have to have the taped phone call-the one where he accepted the job offer. Jeeze Louise. Boy do I feel stupid. I thought we had to tail them, not rummage through their trash. I guess that will teach THEM to shred next time.

[OneBlueSky]

38. did he have to take the SATs? . . . n/t

.

[NorthernSpy]

44. yes, and the ITATs: International Terrorist Aptitude Test

:think:

[CJCRANE]

39. Defence: "Hang on a minute, al-Qaeda doesn't use that font !" nt

[NorthernSpy]

42. oh, I am SO not buying this!

:rofl:

So they just happened to find a locker full of Al Qaeda membership application forms?

You mean with references and teacher recommendations and SAT scores and space to write an essay about "What 'Global Jihad' means to me?"

:rofl:


Yeah, I bet.

[Little Star]

43. Did he Fax, email or hand deliver this application?

Was it time stamped? Man, they have no shame at all!

[ninkasi]

46. What will the Onion

have to do now to top the Chimp administration? Oh, well, Jon Stewart should have fun with this one.

[Rockholm]

47. Where would one even GET an application?

Seriously, online? Mail-in?
This is BEYOND stupid.

[JaneQPublic]

69. They're printed on paper placemats in Arab fastfood restraunts (nt)

[BR_Parkway]

48. So which #3 Al Queda guy is it that reviews the applications? And

which #3 guy does the interviews?

No wonder they had so many #3 guys - it must have be a poor translation - #3 guy really was a dept head.

Personnel, HR, IT, Communications, Finance, etc...

Anyone know which exchange they have their stock listed on? Maybe we could find Osama by reading their Annual Report. One of those little graphs with the up arrows must point right to his hidey hole.

[Bush_MUST_Go]

50. Yes, it's HIGHLY SUSPECT but.....

al Qaeda isn't run by a bunch of complete idiots, they are educated and pretty savvy about modern technology.

Isn't it possible that the 'application' was their way of gathering personal info on potential candidates so it's not so easy to change your mind & walk away.

If they can track down your family members, it might be a powerful tool to keep people from leaving.

They'd also know what kind of money or property they might be able to gain access to & concentrate more on people who have assets.


I don't think it's quite as far fetched as it first sounds.

[havocmom]

63. So, the global terrorist recruiter keep paper work & forward it to US?

But we can't get info on a guy nominated to the SCOTUS. Strange how that paperwork appears for some and disappears for others.

TANG records, for instance.

[pinerow]

65. You're joking...right..?

Please tell me you're joking...sheesh

[alcibiades_mystery]

74. Oy, vey...have another glass of

[rocktivity]

109. I agree that Al Qaeda aren't a bunch of idiots

But there's something about a clandestine organization keeping personal data on its members on paper and locked in a safe that comes across as, well--idiotic!

And about that "cooperating government witness" who helped authenticate the application--did torture play any role in his "cooperation?"

:headbang:
rocknation

[Straight Shooter]

112. AQ isn't run by a bunch of complete idiots. The United States is. n/t

[acmavm]

55. That's what I want to know, who the hell do you send these

to? Who's head of HR? What's the mailing address? Is it published in a phone book or something?

This is one of the funniest things I've heard in a LLLLLLOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGGG TIME.

[rucky]

60. You should see the executive restroom at the Tora Bora branch. n/t

[DemonFighterLives]

80. There has been a run on the number 3 job

There have been many vacancies at #3. What good al Qaeda prospect would pass up a chance to move right to that position?

[oblivious]

90. I'm assuming they all get "#3 guy" on their cards to make up for no pay.

[DRoseDARs]

49. Ooo, this sounds the perfect excuse for another photoshop contest... nt

[Judi Lynn]

53. The article sounds consistantly goofy, like this part:

''It was recovered by U.S. personnel in late 2001 after the United States began bombing Afghanistan,'' Justice Department lawyer Stephanie Pell said, referring to Padilla's alleged al Qaeda application.
She added it was found among 80 to 100 other mujahadeen (holy warrior) applications found in the country, which harbored al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden before he masterminded the Sept. 11, 2001, U.S. terrorist attacks.
''Several links in this case prove this is his document,'' Pell said after submitting it at Padilla's bond hearing.
Pell said Padilla's July 24, 2000, application was authenticated by a ''cooperating government witness'' convicted in an unrelated case who had once filled out the same Arabic ''mujahadeen data form.'' She said Padilla's date of birth, Oct. 18, 1970, was on his application along with his adopted Muslim name, Abu Abdullah Al Mujahir.
She said his co-conspirators and others called him ''The Puerto Rican,'' a reference to the American-born Padilla's Hispanic heritage.
Padilla's attorney, Michael Caruso, questioned the authenticity of Padilla's alleged mujahadeen application, saying there was ''no direct evidence'' he filled out the form.
He asked Garber three times if he could call an FBI agent to the witness stand to ask about the document. Garber rejected his requests.
(snip/...)

You know, something about this story just doesn't quite seem on the level. I wonder why.....

[Ezlivin]

57. Did he sign an NDA? Then we can't prosecute him

Don't want to let those corporate secrets out.

[pinerow]

93. I wonder if there is a "Non-Compete" clause...

:woohoo:

[Debau2005]

100. hahahahaha

This thread has made me laugh, but this one made me do the snort laugh...:rofl:

[BiggJawn]

59. What did he put under "Salary Desired"?

They must really think we're STOOPID enough to believe this shit...

Oh, wait, something like 38% of us are....

[displacedtexan]

61. Al Quaeda has an HR dept.?

Isn't it amazing that "we" can find terrorist application
forms and Terrorists' passports, but "we" can't find
all of the $ the Pentagon "lost?"

[daleo]

62. On a serious note, it is no wonder that Bush doesn't want trials

If this is the quality of evidence they have on most suspects in the WOT, there would likely be a lot of mistrials, hung juries, and acquittals.

[Politicub]

67. Imagine - "The Office, Al Qaueda Edition"

Jose - Zarqawi, did you take the last cup of coffee without starting antoher pot?

<laugh track>

Zarqawi - What? It wasn't me. I think it was the big guy in the corner office.
Osama - What's all of this about coffe!? Back to work, or I'll see you on a delivery to the Green zone.

<laugh track>

:rofl:

[mike_c]

70. ye of little faith-- a simple web search found it....

It's a PDF form:

http://wmass.indymedia.org/usermedia/application/7/alqaedajobapp.pdf


Here's a screep cap of the top of the form:

[Blue_Tires]

131. brilliant

I'd apply, but I'd never pass the piss test

[meegbear]

73. McDonalds crossed out, Al Qaeda written in

[neuvocat]

76. Where's my application for the Skull and Bones Society?

Why I just know I left it somewhere around here. Well silly me! There it is in the kitchen cabinet!

[yurbud]

77. isn't it painfully obvious that 99% of al Qaeda stories are bullshit?

there is probably a real group and they do real bad things, but so they have been a prop for so much bullshit and distortion that reality looks like a bunch of kids throwing rocks compared to the right wing PR on them.

[Eugene]

78. ROFL! Did they ask him for his SS# and proof of citizenship too?

:wow: :rofl: You've made my afternoon! :D

[americanstranger]

79. We found a blank copy of the application...

http://tinyurl.com/bnt6e

-as

[buddysmellgood]

115. Apologist... I love it.

[Mind_your_head]

126. Funny

I especially like the question: "Have you worked as a Suicide Bomber previously?"

:rofl:

[u4ic]

81. And a pink slip = a mission

:nuke:

[Brundle_Fly]

83. Dear Osama

I am pretty good at doing stuff, I have the entire first season of McGyver.

I would love a chance to use my skill set with your fine organization.

Thanks

José

P.S. You're the best terrorist leader EVER.

[Roland99]

84. Did he fill it out in triplicate?! Is there an online application form?!?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Lori Price CLG]

91. LOLOL!! And, Rove hired him for the Bush terror team!! n/t

[LibertyorDeath]

92. Oh My God how much more of this shit will Americans take.

"a locker full of applications to join al Qaeda's holy war "

They must think we are all completely retarded.

I mean what the fuck this is just so far gone I don't no where to begin.

Not only did they find "a locker full of applications to join al Qaeda's holy war " but one of the applications just happens to be Padilla's.

The really sick thing is CNN will report it
not question it but report it as truth and millions of Americans will believe it. Why because the Gov & the media said it.

How can they keep a straight face when they say this shit it's unreal!

[superconnected]

96. wonder what the singing bonus was

an airplane.

This is sooo blatantly phony. Who made it up, swaggart...

[Gman]

97. Application??? Al Queda has an HR department?? WTF??

What? Do they have a screening committee too? Do you need 3 references? Do they check your credit report? Al Queda has an HR Department? Do they ask you those really stupid irrelevant to the job questions? Do they have second interviews? A candidates list?

Or is like an Al Queda Pledge Week? Do they give pledges names like Otter or Flounder or D-Day? What's the initiation?

[IndianaGreen]

98. This is total bullshit!

starting with the ''cooperating government witness''! I am sure that Al-Qaeda has a personnel office and that one must fillout the proper job application forms, with the proper identity papers, Social Security card, life insurance and health insurance forms, etc.

[FarLeftRage]

99. Ummm.... sure, okay

Did he start out as a temp?

Or was he hired full-time?

[Debau2005]

101. I imagine

it was temp to perm!

[5thGenDemocrat]

103. If u cn rd ths

U cn b a mslm trrrst nd gt a gd jb.
John
I'd say this stretches credulity to the snapping point but, considering the clowns who're trying to sell us this bullshit, it really doesn't.

[Media_Lies_Daily]

104. Does anyone really believe this?? Garbage.

[spanone]

105. I hope he was as honest on his job application as Alito was.

What a crock 0 shit.

[rocktivity]

108. It's amazing the way those writers at The Onion keep outdoing themselves

I don't understand why the story's in a Miami newspaper instead of on their Web site, but that sure doesn't make it any less funny! For the one millionth time, good on ya, guys!

:rofl:
rocknation

[ngGale]

118. OMFG....

Pell said Padilla's July 24, 2000, application was authenticated by a ''cooperating government witness'' convicted in an unrelated case who had once filled out the same Arabic ''mujahadeen data form.''

An Arabic "mujahadeen data form?" :wtf:

Workmen's comp, would be a must.:rofl:

[roguevalley]

119. you have to fill out an application? For al quaeda? Good lord.

[HuffleClaw]

121. they cannot possibly be serious

really, this is a bad bad ploy, even for them.

[oblivious]

122. This is a great thread. Laughed all the way through it.

[pinniped]

123. He couldn't get in because he didn't possess a B.A...

B.S.

Do suicide bombers need to fill out applications as well?

Videotape auditions, right?

Ya, so, where the hell are the alleged shoebomber Richard Reed's and the alleged 20th hijacker Moussaoui's applications?

I'm a little surprised the propagandists didn't find digital scans of all the applications. Digitizing these applications is the way to go for fast reference! Part II of the application propaganda BS will report on this.

This is the biggest load of propaganda crap I've seen all year.

[Minnesota_Lib]

124. I wonder who he listed as references?

And do they ask for a work history to see if he has experience in terrorism?

"Halloween 1982: Set bag full of dog doo on fire on neighbor's porch, rang their door bell and ran away."

"January 1984: TP'ed my school's vice-principle's home."

[tanyev]

125. Oh...here's the payoff:

The case is built on thousands of government wiretaps of the alleged terrorist cell's telephone conversations from 1993 to 2001.

So thanks to wiretapping, we got a copy of Padilla's job application and managed to prevent a different cell from blowtorching the Brooklyn Bridge into oblivion. Makes it all worth it, doesn't it?

:sarcasm:

[splat@14]

127. Actual copy of the application......

[ckramer]

129. It appears that the Bush admin totally changes the dynamic of

the Constitution - innocent until proven guilty.

Now one can be prosecuted by the government for merely a thought, or filling out an application of some sort, but not the old American way, the guilty act itself.

Shame on Bush.

[Blue_Tires]

132. ttt one more time

lol