Reply #155: This is something a lot of men, even very smart and well-meaning ones

[Withywindle]

just DO. Not. Get.


If we, as women, actually followed all the advice we get about how to avoid rape, we would live VERY restricted, limited, constrained, isolated lives. We would be constantly self-conscious about our clothes. We would have to turn down any job that ever might POSSIBLY lead to us being out alone after dark, and we can CERTAINLY kiss enjoying social nightlife goodbye. We would have to go back to Victorian ideas about chaperoned dating (and guess what, women still got raped then too. A lot.) We would never be able to speak to a man we didn't know (no, not even "Are you in line?" or "Got a cigarette?" or "Do you know which way is State Street?") and we would never be able to spend social time with men we did know--and just imagine how much we'd get yelled at for being "stuck up" then.

And even if we did all these things and consented to live a life of fear and constant self-protection? There'd still be rape. Because victims really *don't* get a fucking say in whether they get raped or not, and all that advice is mostly magical thinking, the same kind of thing that taken to its logical conclusion winds up blaming cancer patients for not thinking positively enough.

That's what the poster is about. The kind of culture that treats rape as some kind of inanimate force of nature, like earthquakes or something. Rape is caused by rapists. Don't scrutinize the victims. Scrutinize the rapists. Do you know a rapist? Chances are you do. Most of the time, a rapist is not a rabid stranger in the bushes. It's someone who seems perfectly "normal" who victimizes people on dates, at parties, in a relationship, on the job, in their homes, etc. Someone familiar, someone you know. Pay attention to dodgy attitudes - and this applies to EVERYONE. Yes, it means men might have to scrutinize themselves or their buddies if they're serious about wanting to stop rape. (So might women - yes, women can rape. Nowhere near as common but it does happen.) Yes, this is going to be uncomfortable and break the "man code." A lot of the angry reactions this poster gets suggests that a lot of people are not ready to accept the reality of that.