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Reply #44: civil discussion occurs when we can empathize w/o judgment of others' feelings. [View All]

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NuttyFluffers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-06-11 07:03 AM
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44. civil discussion occurs when we can empathize w/o judgment of others' feelings.
the only non-debatable factor of any discussion is what the other (or yourself) feels. once you overstep that line and judge another's feelings as wrong, then you are in a whole heap of fury. there never was, and never will be, a time for judging how someone feels -- it's personal, mysterious, and mostly uncontrollable. asking for sanity in humanity's most insane moments is, in and of itself, an insane act.

why is this you ask? because what one feels is something that can have only one perspective. attempting to intrude on that is attempting to intrude upon self-identity, and a losing battle because no one else can have a truer, more intimate perspective of what someone is feeling. further, it is an abuse of judgment itself, exceeding the judgment of action and into the realm of judgment of essence. censoring can work on action, but it is the most gross intrusion when it is expanded into individual feeling.

outside of feelings, people can discuss, argue, lament, and judge external things all they want. but that is then debating the nature of things that can have more than one perspective.

now, how to reach another, to have detente and maybe even dialogue, is a different and more complicated process. but first it begins with respecting the core unknowable of another: respecting their feelings as something you cannot know better than them. it is the foundational gesture of acknowledging another being's self-awareness. (yes, you are free to detest one another afterwards. but war always ends at the negotiating table, and negotiating involves acknowledgement of the other, which entails respect of their self-awareness.)
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