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Reply #5: It's an old, old story [View All]

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gratuitous Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-27-09 07:00 PM
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5. It's an old, old story
Ive heard it personally from any number of men, and Mel White in his book Stranger at the Gate really fleshes it out. The sense that one is different from an early age is accompanied closely by the certainty that nobody had better find out about it. There are enough object lessons of sissies getting beat up to know that youd better not let it slip.

So the forms and the rituals that he sees others going through are followed to the hilt. Its made doubly bad when they are persuaded not just that something is wrong, but that it can be fixed if only . . . well, that varies. If only I get married, if only I pray hard enough, if only I scrutinize Hustler magazine long enough, if only, if only, if only.

The desires might ebb and flow but they never go away. Thus the guilt and the shame re-double, and the futility of the fight grows larger and larger. The secret assignations, the little lies and deceptions, the second life which must never come in contact with the main life presented to the world at large. Theres really only two ways out: Acceptance or termination.

Who would choose this for himself? And worse, who would choose to put the woman you love through it? Whats most astonishing to me is the number of women who go through this ordeal with a gay husband, and who come to terms with it on a charitable and even amicable level. Not all women, of course, but the ones who are able to let their husbands go to be themselves and who continue to love their husband are, in my opinion, going straight (no pun intended) to Heaven.

Ted Haggard needs to allow himself to be who he is and who God created him to be. His struggle is heart-breaking and unnecessary all at once. Which makes it just that much more pathetic, in the classic sense of the word.
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