Reply #341: Here's what the freepers think of your olive branch

[jgraz]

Another poster grabbed this from a freeper site:

Dear dismayed conservatives:

I hereby make these promises to you. We can define what promise means later.

We will protect your lives and livelihoods. How will you do this without guns?

We will listen to and respect your beliefs. Right, and then turn around and force everyone to go along with yours.

We will never try to force you to change your religion, sexual orientation, or first language. But we will certainly force your kids to do so.

We will do our best to reduce the number of abortions in our country. By calling them something else.

We will have no tolerance for corruption and cronyism, even in our own party. However, our minds our so reprobate we can no longer recognize what corruption or cronyism are.

ESPECIALLY in our own party. (Except the Inner Party.)

We will never tell you that you are unpatriotic. Because we don't care about patriotism.

We will never tell you that your opinion doesn't count. But we will think it, and do what we can to count our votes twice while dumping yours in the trash.

We will never waste your lives for power. We will sacrifice them for power in the most stewardly way we know how.

We will hold our leaders to a high ethical standard and when they succumb to lust for power, WE WILL HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE. But no matter how illegal or immoral their behavior, we will let them continue to hold office.

If we forget this, please, please, please, remind us. So we can politely ignore you.

We need you to do this. You are America as much as we are. Because without you, there wouldn't be an America.


Well, maybe I've been listening to too much Mike Malloy, but here's how I would "reach out" to the right wing:

Dear Degenerate Fuckheads:

We hereby make these promises to you.

We will protect our lives and livelihoods from your predatory, murderous policies.

We will listen to and respect your beliefs, but we will never again allow your medieval superstitions to run our lives.

We will never try to force you to change your religion, sexual orientation, or first language. And if you ever try to do this to us we will kick your ass into next week.

We will do our best to reduce the number of abortions in our country. By allowing your ignorant brood to learn about healthy sexuality and birth control.

We will have no tolerance for corruption and cronyism, even in our own party. ESPECIALLY since we'll have no place to put them with all y'all taking up all the prison space.

We will never tell you that you are unpatriotic. As long as you pay your fair share of taxes without complaint and sign up to fight in any war you support. Oh, and try to cut down on outing our covert foreign operatives.

We will never tell you that your opinion doesn't count. Because "opinion" is a big word and you might not understand us. Instead we'll just say "shut the fuck up you inbred moron."

We will never waste your lives for power. We'll let you waste them on crystal meth and gay prostitutes.

We will hold our leaders to a high ethical standard and when they succumb to lust for power, THEY'LL STILL BE TWENTY TIMES BETTER THAN THE NAZI FREAKS YOU VOTE FOR.

If we forget this, please, please, please, remind us. So we can go out back and shoot ourselves like you would if you had any shred of self-respect.

We need you to do this. After all, we need somebody to pick up the trash and park our cars. But put a towel down first -- I just had it detailed and I don't want to get Redneck all over the leather.