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Dennis Kucinich advice to the lovelorn [View All]

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eridani Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-12-06 04:28 AM
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Dennis Kucinich advice to the lovelorn
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Never, never sell American women short, they know what they want. Guess it just wasn't me. Only about one percent of those contestants voted for me in the New Hampshire primary. Talk about fickle. I was despondent, started to feel like Woody Allen, asking deep, probing, philosophical questions about myself, about sex, about elections, about death or combinations of sex, death, and elections, which you can't do openly if you are a Republican.

Questions: Did those National Enquirer stories linking me to the gene pool of the Keebler Elf hurt? How did Entertainment Tonight discover that the risers I used in the debates were actually a foot high? Did Fox News tele-morphing me into Alfred E. Newman on the eve of the Iowa Caucuses cost me the American-Gothic vote? Did Ted Koppel try to rush me off the stage from the debates because he was jealous of my hair? Was I doomed to a life of notorious loneliness?


Lesson Number One:
Keep your appointments.
Lesson Number Two:
Be careful of your immigration policy.
Lesson Number Three:
If you are an Ohio Democrat and your wife calls you "Guv'nor," it may be just a British figure of speech.
Lesson Number Four:
If you don't have a monetary policy, make up one.
Lesson Number Five:
Never lie about your age. But never tell it. This became a problem for me, because the City of Cleveland keeps wanting to put up my portrait from when I was mayor in 1977 (the year Elizabeth was born) and I keep telling her that was my father.
Lesson Number Six:
Lie about your height. Show up early for your dinner appointments and remain seated.
Lesson Number Seven:
When you've got it, you've got it. Even if you got it late. Ain't love grand?
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