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Home » Discuss » DU Groups » Race & Ethnicity » Interracial/Multi-ethnic Relationship Support Group Donate to DU
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-04-06 05:15 AM
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Need some support., please.....
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Edited on Tue Jul-04-06 05:34 AM by bliss_eternal
My husband and I severed ties with most of his family a few years ago. The primary reason for his decision was based on the fact that they were abusive toward him. They are also rather bigoted, but liked to think they aren't. :eyes: So I was MORE than OK with his decision to walk away from them.

He has maintained a relationship with other relatives that were more supportive of him--and have been good to us. Of late, I'm not feeling as comfortable with a some of these relatives. Sometimes maybe they forget I'm a person of color, and in the process they seem to think it's ok to make comments about other ethnicities in my presence. It bothers me...a lot. :mad:

My feeling is that if someone has issues with ANY race or ethnicity, they probably have similar issues with others--including mine.

When I met some of his relatives, it was obvious to me that one of their adult children didn't like me based on my ethnicity/race. After being married to my husband a few years, I let it slip to this person I was aware of their child's feelings about me. This person was embarassed, very apologetic and insisted that they weren't raised this way, blah, blah. (My personal thought was," Well excuse me--but what did you do to discourage it, if you didn't teach it yourself?...Have you ever told this person that they are wrong to have these beliefs about people...?") :banghead: Since that time, their adult child's feelings toward me have changed,as they got to know me ( :eyes: Imagine that) but I still keep my distance. Am I wrong in doing so?

I just don't feel like I can ever completely let down my guard where these people are concerned... :shrug:

A part of me feels like maybe I'm in a position to teach them...another part of me feels like you can't teach an old dog new tricks and they have these ideas about people, races, ethnicities, etc. and have probably for a long time--and there's nothing I can do about that.

I just don't know... Self preservation is big with me, but so is compromise and being there for my dh. He of course doesn't want to put my in any positions I'm uncomfortable in... I believe in the words of Maya Angelou. "When people show you who you are the first time, you have to believe them." Yet, I also believe that anyone can change if they are open...I just don't see anyone here that is open to change or even aware that their views are intolerant in any way or could make me uncomfortable in any way.

I hope and pray what I've said here makes some sense...

Anyone been through this with in-laws, extended family, etc. as an interracial/multicultural couple? I'd love to hear your feedback...

Thanks so much for reading! :hi:
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